Journeys

12 Step Jedi Wisdom

“On many long journeys have I gone. And waited, too, for others to return from journeys of their own. Some return; some are broken; some come back so different only their names remain.” – Yoda

 

The biggest party in the galaxy was the victory celebrations after the Battle of Endor. Darth Sidious had fallen, the Sith was vanquished and Anakin was redeemed. There was a wave of optimism that peace would descend on the galaxy and that the New Republic would bring justice and prosperity to all. On Endor, Han and Leia declare their love for each other, Luke celebrates with his friends as the Force Ghosts of his Father and Mentors look on approvingly.  Luke has arrived at the end of the Heroes Journey. The Ewoks dance and the music plays long in to the night. We can assume that celebrations erupted across the galaxy as the news spreads. “They all lived happily after” and the curtain closes on “Return of the Jedi”, the last Star Wars movie.

 

Then What?

 

Life continued and so did the challenges that life brings, even in fiction. The sun rose to another day on Endor. Everyone went back to their lives. Han and Leia married and had a child, Ben Solo. Eventually their marriage fell apart as their personalities clashed and the conflicting demands of their respective roles drove them apart and away from their only child. Ben Solo grew up in the New Republic in the shadow of his famous parents and his heroic uncle Luke Skywalker. A dark shadow also grew inside of Ben.

 

We can assume that Luke Skywalker resurrected the Jedi Order and rebuilt the Temple once Coruscant was liberated. The democratically elected Galactic Senate was also restored. At some point in the period of recovery and renewal ended. Eventually problems arose and new challenges emerged that threatened the hope promised on Endor. Ben chose the path of the Dark Side and joined the First Order. Luke exiled himself, Leia joined a resistance movement and Han returned to smuggling. The galaxy became rife with corruption and internal conflict. Once again the galaxy faced a nefarious threat.

 

In the final chapter, Rey has returned and confronted an evil force which has re-emerged from the shadows to threaten the entire galaxy with tyranny. An epic battle between good and evil takes place and the evil is once again vanquished, for good this time. Ben Solo is redeemed. The order of things is restored and peace settles over the galaxy. The Force is in balance once again. Our heroes return to where it all began decades ago on Tatooine. In the final scene Rey responds to a stranger that she is a “Skywalker”. So ends the final instalment of the final trilogy of Star Wars.

 

Then What?

 

“I am not what happened to me, I am what I chose to become” – Carl Jung

 

There is no such thing as a “Happily Ever After” in real life. The journey never ends. No  matter how well we think things are going or not, the situation will always change. Everything is transient, nothing comes to rest for long. We may come to the end of a novel or a movie but that is the end of the story as told and known to us. Our story never ends. It continues throughout life and in one form or another long after we are gone.

 

In my more than half a century on this world I have started and ended many journeys. I used to think that these chapters were part of some cosmic joke. After all my life had not exactly been a resounding success or anything to be proud of. I always thought that if I fulfilled the expectations of others by settling down, attaining a respectable profession, a fulfilling relationship, meaningful job and the financial security required to live a materially comfortable life I would not only be successful but also happy. On arriving at a measure of each I soon realized that there is always more to be had and that true fulfilment is not wholly dependent on externals that are out of my control. Happiness is not a benchmark set by the standards of others. My alcoholism proved that there was an important spiritual element missing in my life that barred me from ever being “Happy”.

 

“The Cave You Fear to Enter Holds the Treasure You Seek” – Joseph Campbell

 

I have learned that each event in my life and every person I had met played some part in my life Journey. I look back at my life and see my own trilogy unfold as a personal heroes journey of a life before, during and after active alcoholism. At the final turn of events that led to the end of each story within that trilogy I had to confront myself and arrive at some deep personal insight, some meaning. I was forced to stare hard in the mirror and confront myself. I was certainly not a hero but perhaps the journey was heroic. The journey had taught me things about myself, many which I did not want to know or accept but had to in order to move on.

 

When I hit my personal rock bottom I saw my entire life laid out before me, past, present and future. I came face to face with the person I was and was presented with a choice to fall or rise. My ego died that day, for a short moment at least.  I transcended self and saw who I truly was. I knew myself then, I had risen.

 

“Heroes take journeys, confront dragons, and discover the treasure of their true selves” – Carol Pearson

 

When I sobered up I realised I would never drink again. It felt as if the door to that dark life had closed behind me and before me lay a wide world bathed in the light of a new dawn. I walked out, as if naked in to that world, unsure of what was going to happen next but certain that it would never be easy. Life did not magically become a blissful utopia, I did not transcend in to the Force like Luke or Yoda. This was no spiritual end to a journey but only a beginning. I soon found out that life still had its dramas, disappointments and demands. Life was simply moving from one chapter to another in my own Heroes Journey.

 

If we reach enlightenment is there still a “Then What”? Does everything end? The Buddha said that in life we experience the tears of ten thousand joys and ten thousand sorrows. We would not learn, grow and improve without those tears. Adversities are opportunities in disguise. Faults are opportunities for improvement. Recovery is a work in progress. Enlightenment is then not freedom from suffering but the arrival at understanding of the meaning of suffering and knowledge of one’s true self. Enlightenment is not an ending but the beginning of a new story.

 

“The hero’s achievement, in short, is to affirm life.”– Carol Pearson

 

Every story’s end heralds a new beginning. From death life springs. The sun sometimes rises behind clouds and sometimes in full glory, but it does rise to a new day. There is no ending, there is always a “Then What”. The goal of life is only to know thyself and in the end only our names remain.

 

Perhaps, in the final scene, when Rey called herself a “Skywalker”, that was the whole point of “The Rise of Skywalker”. Rey had risen beyond herself and knew at last who she truly was.

 

“To know thyself is the beginning of wisdom.” – Socrates

 

Further Reading

 

Time

12 Step Jedi Acceptance, Death, Mindfulness, Perception, Uncategorized

“You will know (the good from the bad) when you are calm, at peace. Passive.“ – Yoda

 

When you live to be 900 years old and have trained Jedi for 800 years like Yoda I suspect your perception of time would differ to a life form that lived a far shorter life span. The Galapagos Tortoise can live to over 150 years. Some have been recorded to live over 200 years. I wonder how passing time feels to a Tortoise. My guess is they don’t think about it much and simply live their lives one day at a time, one moment at a time.

“Time is an illusion.” – Albert Einstein

To the rest of us, time is such a finite resource. These days’ people seem to be time deprived. In fact we are and it is not lost on a lot of corporations that take advantage of our lack by trying to sell us more time while exploiting the fact most of us don’t have the time to research options.

We are in fact rushing from one day to the next. Within what seems to be breath of existence we soon find our days have been utterly spent. Most people do not take the time to appreciate the moments let alone the time they have left.

 

“The trouble is, you think you have time” – Guatama Buddha

The Illusion

What if it could be different? Do we need to devote all our attention and energy to a point in the future where happiness will be achieved? Our Ego is future focused. We work our lives away to be able to be debt free when we are too old to really enjoy life. We put in an ordinate amount of effort in to achieving some ideal at some point in the future.

Our dreams become preoccupied with a promotion or new career, new house, new car, better body and more money. When we arrive at these goals the happiness they promised in the past is not realized past the short term. We find ourselves arriving at one thing, finding satisfaction for a while before become restless and wanting more. The years and decades pass in some futile hedonistic pursuit of happiness.

“It is not that we have so little time but that we lose so much. … The life we receive is not short but we make it so; we are not ill provided but use what we have wastefully.” – Seneca

 

Lost  Time

Life can be a string of meaningless acts of instant gratification and pleasure seeking. Ask any alcoholic why they drink. The fundamental reason is in order to fill some great emptiness in their lives. They seek fulfillment through the temporary sensation of pleasure that alcohol brings. Alcohol promises an illusion of happiness and transcendence to a higher plane. Of course we know the opposite is true. Booze distorts our perception and leads us down a path that leads to suffering and eventually spirals to a personal hell or worse.

One of the things that I became acutely aware of when I was drinking was the relentless march of time. I could feel the sands of time slipping through my fingers. It felt as if time was running out. I was careening to some unknown destination.

I would awake in the middle of the night still feeling the booze in my system. There was a creeping sense of terror. I could feel of the weight of some dark and terrible destiny on my shoulders. It felt like I was wrestling a Demon. The fear was tangible and at time I felt like I was sinking into some sort of purgatory, consumed by a darkness that had no limits and no escape.

Time stood out in harsh reality. I saw the remainder of my days set out before me like some twisted and dark path and I realized this was a slow death. At times I thought about suicide but I feared what came beyond death. I sometimes still feel the echo of that fear when I am tired and doubt clouds my mind.

“They lose the day in expectation of the night, and the night in fear of the dawn.” – Seneca

 

“One Day at a Time”

There is a saying in AA that with enough sober time we get to have a choice whether we want to be an old timer or not. We have a simple choice; drink or don’t drink. Do or do not, there is no try. Through our choices we at least have some control in the present and in the future. That knowledge makes us realize that life happens in the Now, not at some time in the future.

We realize that there is no requirement other than a desire to stop drinking followed by a simple decision not to drink on a day by day basis. By simply not picking up, we decide to some extent how that day will turn out. The next day we do it again and again in the day after that. Life becomes a string of sober days and we find ourselves living “one day at a time”. The path is no longer a dark and twisted one. It has becomes a path filled with light and a bright future.

“Time is a created thing. To say ‘I don’t have time,’ is like saying, ‘I don’t want to.” – Lao Tzu

 

Living Now

Living life “one day at a time” is the key to a “Good Life”. It is the path that leads to true happiness. We are more mindful of every passing moment. Our sobriety allows us to appreciate each day. The things that concerned us in the past become less of a worry.

We know that things will turn out just fine and even if at times life appears difficult. Fundamentally all is well and this too shall pass. We find within ourselves the need to help others and to share what we have learned.

Life becomes simpler, more meaningful and peaceful. I no longer wake up in the middle of the night gripped in some unspeakable terror. We lose the fear of growing old and dying. I know I belong to the Force and I will return to it one day so why should I be afraid?

 

“Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin.” – Mother Teresa

 

The Old Timer

Yesterday I wrote about Growing Old. I mentioned a man, Li Ching-Yuen, who had lived 256 years. This man lived in China in the last century. All the aged who knew him, including very old men over 100 said that he had already been ancient when they were young children.

This man told that he had been trained by another who had lived to the age of 500. A type of Chinese Yoda, he had learned the secrets of the Force (Tao). Martial Arts, meditation, herbs and breathing exercises were part of his training.

Outside of the Old Testament there is no written story of people living to such an age. What was this man’s secret? According to a Journalist who met him it was based on a very simple philosophy of life:

  • Keep a quiet heart
  • Sit like a tortoise
  • Walk sprightly like a pigeon
  • Sleep like a dog

Whether  Li Ching-Yuen lived to 256 as was claimed or less is irrelevant. Li Ching-Yuen said that maintaining an inner calm and peace of mind, living in the moment were vital. Taking breathing exercises and being active and taking rest when needed were also secrets to his longevity. We all need these things to be healthy.

The Choice

In a world that is in hyper drive all the time and over obsessed with instant gratification and future reward these simple practices should be welcome. We all have within ourselves the ability to decide how we want to live inwardly and whether we let stress and the pressures of life build us up or break us down. Time in our experience only moves in one direction, our choice is how we use the time given us. Few of us will be able to cheat time but we can make the most of it.

We can all take a page from Li Ching-Yuen and like Yoda learn the true meaning of the words “Calm at Peace, Passive”.

“Life is long, if you know how to use it.” – Seneca

Growing Old

12 Step Jedi Acceptance, Philosophy, Spirituality, Surrender, Uncategorized

“When 900 years old you reach, look as good, you will not.” – Yoda

Recently I turned half a century. The milestone was not marked by any celebration and I asked that family and friends treat it as any other day. My Stoic attitude to turning 50 was to take the time to contemplate my life up until that point. I wanted to appreciate where I currently am in my life and ponder the future.

The inescapable fact

It is hard to escape the fact that time is not on our side. No one will live to be as old as Yoda. Those that do not die young will see their parents grow frail and eventually lose their health. Children bury their parents and grieve their passing as is the nature of things.

Our children grow up and eventually leave the nest seeking to start their own journey through life.  If we manage to dodge the many ailments and illnesses that seem to beset the middle aged we too also eventually grow frail. Our strength and agility slowly start to leave us. Sight grows dimmer, conversations are harder to follow and loud noises bother us more.

We watch as the world around us becomes more and more unfamiliar and we notice how young new parents look with their small children. Once upon a time not long ago we were that age too and had the same glow and vibrancy of youth.

One by one that that we knew leave us and start to dim in our memory. Soon our time comes.

Looking Back

I am now fifty years old. It feels strange to say it. I am a product of the 60’s and was born at a time when youth was rebelling against authority. The Vietnam War was being fought and the counter culture was in full swing not only in the States but around the world. They called it the “Love Generation” among other things. Some may actually remember that era (pun intended) and recall that it doesn’t seem that long ago. Yet it probably seems like an eternity.

They say I am Generation X. The very mention of the term brings back a lot of nostalgia. Which in itself is weird. I remember getting drunk and stoned a lot through the 90’s. The music was a mix of House music and then Grunge. An entire decade seems to have been lost in some sort of haze of booze and drugs or the fog of hangovers and brief recovery.Trainspotting and Kurt Cobain inspired the times.

There are the faded and yellowed photos of forgotten friends and fellow travelers in some remote and distant parts of the world. Everyone looks so young and happy. We are holding up bottles of beer and nursing cigarettes. There are bongs laying about.

We are wearing cut off Jeans, Nirvana and Led Zeppelin T-shirts and Thai Dye. Everyone has long hair and some of the guys have beards. Most of us are skinny, tattooed and tanned. There’s the promise of a good night and maybe love with a stranger. Life is a care free adventure, for a time there is no need to worry about the future. Youth seemed to be the promise that would last forever.

Never Lasts

Nothing lasts for ever and everything must end. Our travels, careers, friendships and close relationships, our very lives are all finite and impermanent. The party also had to end. I just never caught on like most and didn’t start growing up.

Booze tends to hold back the clock a little. Soon enough we are the middle aged person trying to keep up with people half our age. They are where we were 20 years ago and here we are still in the same place.

Ripped Off

Getting sober is a little like Rip Van Winkle waking up from his drunken slumber. The first thing Rip did on waking was go to his local Tavern and order an Ale. Looking around the Bar he noticed that the clientele was different. Some of the older people stared at him curiously. There was a young man that looked vaguely familiar to him.

Soon enough he was approached and it became revealed that he had vanished 20 years before and was now a much older version of himself. Rip Van Winkle had slept for 20 years, the result of a ghostly practical joke. The old fellows were his Friends and the young man his grown son. He learned that his wife had passed on. A bit relieved, Rip had another drink.

Waking Up

When we get sober the world appears different. Like Rip Van Winkle we realize we have been in some sort of slumber for years. Others have been moving on with their lives and in many ways we have been moving forward too but a large part of us has been rooted in the same spot. Once we have freed ourselves from the compulsion to drink our old haunts and old way of life no longer appeal. The chains slip off.

Sometimes I pass a bar or a night club and feel an urge to go inside, to resurrect a part of me that is now dead. I see the young people partying and having a great time, the music is blaring and the laughter fills the air. I feel a sense of nostalgia for the past but it soon passes and I remember who I am and most importantly when I am.

Old is a State of Mind

I do not consider myself old. In many ways I am excited about the coming years. After five years of sobriety I have learned so much about myself and recovery. I have barely touched the surface. Like Rip Van Winkle I see a chance to make a fresh start with every day. Age need not hold me back.

Indeed I can proudly say that I am fitter and stronger now than I was at 25. People say I look younger too, which I’ll take. There’s still a spring of youth in my step. I hope I’m wiser. There is the advantage of experience on my side. Wisdom acquired from a life of mistakes to draw from.

The Future

We can accept that the years will wear on us and eventually the tide of time will take us with it. Like Yoda I can face my ultimate destination with equanimity. My only concern is to live what Epictetus called the “Good Life” and whether I do or not is largely entirely up to me.

No one can know what the next day will bring. The future is always a mystery. With some certainty we can say that the sun will set tonight and rise in the morning to another day. Each day brings another chance to get things right, to learn and to grow and to use what we have learned. We can continue to look forward with hope and draw on our Faith that your best days are yet to come.

Recently I saw an article about a man who reportedly lived to 256. This man had been taught by another man who he claimed had lived for 500 years. The man is now dead but his story was documented early last century. The very old man had a secret for living to such an age which he shared…I’ll share it…..Tomorrow.