Victimhood

It’s all Obi-Wan’s fault. He’s jealous. He’s holding me back!” – Anakin

Anakin Skywalker was a victim. Born a slave to a slave on a desolate and lawless planet, Anakin did not have a childhood. The absence of a father figure ensured that he would forever seek out a role model that met his expectation of what a father should be. Anakin sought a surrogate family in Qui-Gon Jinn, Obi-Wan Kenobi and Padme Amidala. The Jedi became his extended family as he grew but it was not enough. There was always something missing, something that troubled the young man. A darkness would grow in him filling that void.

Anakin craved recognition and acceptance. The Jedi Order would not make him a Jedi Master though he felt he deserved it. The Jedi were a meritocracy and did not award rank based on perceived entitlement gained from disadvantage. Jedi earned their place through merit not equity of outcome. Obi-Wan Kenobi did not treat Anakin with high enough regard which caused frustration and resentment. Anakin demanded respect not realizing that respect is earned. Anakin demanded love not understanding that love is not taken but offered freely by another. The darkness in Anakin grew and Palpatine took advantage and manipulated it. Unable to control himself Anakin sought to control others and failing that he desired to control the Force. The Victim then became the oppressor.

One of the things that kept me in addiction and prevented any chance of meaningful and long-term recovery and growth was a conviction that I was a victim. I felt I was deserving of special treatment. Life had let me down. I had drawn the short straw in genetics and destiny. My parents were working class immigrants. I was short and skinny. My English was accented. We moved around a lot and I was not particularly good at school or sports. I was introverted and awkward around my peers and especially around girls. My moods were “troublesome” and I would often be in trouble for fighting at school or being inattentive or disruptive in the class room. For my troubles I was often beaten at home by an alcoholic father. My mother suffered terribly and died broken.

These things I carried in to adult hood and still carry today. They are an important part of who I became and why I did the things I did. My alcoholism was a product of a desperate childhood and a deep need to fit in and be accepted. There was also a spiritual hole that needed to be filled. I’d always felt abandoned by God. The God taught to me in religious schools was despotic and callous, not the Higher Power I know today.

My greatest burden was a feeling of victimhood. I always felt as a second class citizen, an outcast and misfit. My response was to swing between forced attempts to integrate at one end and anger and resentment at a world that seemed to reject me at every turn. I was constantly drawing people in to push them away. Always there was the feeling of being the victim.

Alcohol was the answer to all of my problems. It granted me access where previously I had been denied entry. I could be outgoing, funny and talk to anyone. Women no longer seemed a problem to attract and I had no lack of friends everywhere I went. The world seemed like it had infinite possibilities. In the sober light of day I awoke to another reality. I was lonely, anxious and depressed. Gradually I became dependent on alcohol. Fear set in and as it did so did anger and hate.

There comes a point when drinking was no longer fun. The illusion eventually gives way to reality. How things are imagined soon prove to be false. I was fooled and the feeling of being the victim descended heavily on me. Fear, loathing and self-pity were my constant companions. I was now a victim of alcoholism. As I attempted to gain my sobriety I played the victim. I felt I was entitled to be treated differently. It never occurred to me that I was the maker of my misfortune and I alone had the power to make it right.

Recovery requires that we reject a victim mentality and stop playing the victim. No one owes us anything. Self-pity, resentment and a feelings of entitlement are major stumbling blocks on the path to sobriety and sanity. To be granted preferential treatment on the basis of perceived injustices and past suffering is not congruent with a philosophy of self-improvement. Being higher on the hierarchy of victimhood does not confer a higher moral status.  By claiming victimhood we only stay victims.

Anakin had a victim mentality. One of the most powerful Jedi that every lived, the chosen one, could not get past the mental hurdle that he was an orphan and a slave. Anakin was unable to recognize that those close to him loved him, despite their flaws, they saw great hope in him. Anakin was blind to his fear, anger and hate that grew in him. The slave sought to be the master and finally he became a mere slave to the Dark Side.

Do you claim to be victim or do you claim victory over victimhood? Do you claim equal treatment and rely on your own merits or do you need to be carried and given free pass?

Image property of Lucas Films, Disney Ltd.

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