Self Reliance (Part II)

12 Step Jedi Emotional Sobriety, Self Esteem, Uncategorized

Self-reliance was made famous by Ralph Waldo Emerson in his essay “Self Reliance” published in 1841. The concept of Self Reliance was a hallmark of the transcendentalist movement made popular in the 19th century. Emerson argued that the individual should strive to avoid conformity and consistency in favor or demonstrating their true nature as granted by the Divine principle. The philosophy was strongly in favor of individualism, free thought and personal responsibility. Emerson wrote that time be better spent on the development of one’s character through introspection than on seeking to “fit in” to the mainstream of thought and opinion.

 

“A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

Diogenes

Alexander the Great once requested an audience with Diogenes an ascetic of some fame. Diogenes, who’s philosophy of living well in poverty and being completely self reliant in all things had earned him the respect of the greatest military leader of all time. Alexander found Diogenes lazing in the sun completely unperturbed by the arrival of the Macedonian King and his entourage. When asked by Diogenes if he desired anything, he simply replied “I desire only that you move yourself out of my sun”. Alexander duly complied as here was a man who neither feared him nor wanted anything he could offer.

 

Self-Trust

When we are self-reliant we not only know ourselves but we also implicitly trust ourselves. Being able to trust one’s self beyond doubt is a rare trait. Most people might think they know themselves and trust their judgement but do they really? Being self reliant is about knowing what we want and how to get it. It is about being true to with ourselves. This does not mean that being self reliant is to isolate one’s self in a cabin or practice non-conformity as a principle. It is about having the ability to take what you need and to leave the rest with confidence. Self reliance is claiming one’s self determination, independence, autonomy and sovereignty. It is about being one’s own person that can stand out on their own two feet without having to blindly follow others.

 

“People who truly understand what is meant by self-reliance know they must live their lives by ethics rather than rules” – Wayne Dyer

 

Self not Self Reliance

I was one of those Alcoholics who enjoyed thumbing my nose at others. I was belligerent and obstinate I my views. Selfishness masqueraded as self reliance. The truth was that I had no real principles or values to mention and my mind could sway from one opinion to another depending on my mood. I was easily led, especially to the bar. In many ways I was owned by others and the booze definitely had me. Self reliance is not laziness, selfishness, obstinacy, ignorance, aggression, dishonesty and easily compromised morals. Those are the hall marks of alcoholism and narcissism.

 

“Self-reliance is the key to a vigorous life. A man must look inward to find his own answers” – Robin Williams

 

Seeking Balance

Being Jedi is finding the balance between being self reliant and conformant. We are able to respect rules, traditions and conventions and conform when necessary. To do otherwise would make us Anarchist or a Grey Jedi at best. In order to be true to a philosophy for life there are certain things we should do and certain things we should not. Self-reliance does not give us permission to do whatever we please.

Being firm in our principles and values means that we are self reliant enough that they cannot be easily swayed. We are not inflexible in our views and opinions however; we have a free mind and can judge the merits of opinions and ideas as they come to us without being swayed by hype, hashtags or “popularism”. Self-reliance does not make us better than everyone else or a loner, it makes us independent thinkers. We own our own minds.

 

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

With Surety

Self-reliance is important in our recovery. One must be able to trust themselves. For example if I cannot enter a bar with complete confidence that I will not be swayed or tempted to drink my sobriety is on thin ice and my self reliance is weak. Having a Higher power which we can surrender our lives too give us the spiritual strength to be able to overcome those time when our emotions are ragged. It is about being able to surf strong emotions and recognize HALT moments for what they are; a chance to practice the principles that make us self-reliant. We can be hungry, angry, lonely or tired without using it as an excuse to be an asshole and get drunk. We are the master of our own domain and can feel safe enough in our own company to weather any storm under the shelter of our faith in a Higher Power. Being self reliant is doing the right thing, no matter what all of the time. It is about having surety in one’s self.

Training to be Self Reliant

Being self-reliant is therefore having responsibility and accountability for one’s decisions and actions. A person must be informed and able to critically judge information on their own and make decisions based on knowledge and guided by personal values.

There are a number of strategies I use to build self-reliance which are part of the daily practices within Jedi Philosophy.

  1. Stay Healthy: This means being conscious of what we eat and drink, listening to your body and getting adequate rest and relaxation. If you are able to cut down on junk food and refined sugars and otherwise have a balanced and healthy diet, great! Alcohol is off limits in my case but otherwise the American Medical Association recommends no more that 14 units of alcohol spread over a week for both women and men. The medical profession suggests that no alcohol is best.
  2. Physical Activity: 30 minutes or more of light to moderate physical activity is recommended on a daily basis. Each individual will have their own needs, goals and limits. A program for losing weight will be different to a goal of increasing strength. Likewise increasing cardio fitness will require a different regime to putting on muscle mass. The key is to move your body.
  3. Mental Fortitude: Try depriving yourself of a luxury on occasion, run the odd cold shower or sleep on the floor once in a while. Spend less time on social media and impose a media fast on yourself for a week if you can. Put the smart phone on silent or leave it in the drawer. Decide to go a day without getting angry for any reason, if you succeed, stretch it to two days and longer. Meditate daily or as often as you can.
  4. Minimalize: Go through the clutter of your life and discard what is not needed. Donate clothes and other items to charities. Review your commitments, which are really necessary? Re-assess how you spend your time and with whom and cut down on the activities that are mere distractions or negative.
  5. Travel: If you are able, sell your junk and put the rest in storage and go travelling. Set no limits, just go wherever your fancy takes you. Solo travel is the greatest school for self-reliance there is. You will learn a lot about yourself and others. A solo traveler often has no one but themselves for company.

The Jedi had to be self reliant, the nature of the job demanded it. Self reliance is also critical for a recovering addict. There is will power, self control and self discipline in being able to abstain from drinking but sustained and contended sobriety require much more. Conviction in one’s abilities and faith in a power greater than one’s self has been the most important aspect of my journey so far. Only you can steer your life in the direction you want to take it. It is your life, your responsibility don’t rely on others too much.

Self Reliance (Part 1)

12 Step Jedi Emotional Sobriety, PTSD, Self Esteem, Uncategorized

An Island

Self reliance is the ability of an individual to be able to function as a productive and balanced human being without being reliant on others. Imagine living in the wilderness or on a remote and uninhabited Island. You have all the tools and resources needed to survive indefinitely. Could you do it? Would you have the emotional strength, the physical fitness and the knowledge and skills needed to survive without outside help? Would you have the spiritual fortitude to overcome the periods of loneliness, self doubt and unhappiness? Being unable to share moments of personal achievement and happiness or having someone to share the burden of suffering would weigh on most people.

 

Jedi Reliable

The Jedi by nature and training were self reliant while also dependent on each other. Each individual was expected to be able to function effectively as an independent unit. This was critical as the Jedi often worked alone deep in hostile territory with limited support. Jedi were taught the skills needed to be effective. They had the mind set and resilience required to be able to work in isolation cut off from all support. If they got in to trouble behind enemy lines they were often on their own and had to find their own way out.

 

The Dude in Black

In “Return of the Jedi” we find Luke Skywalker a changed man. The black Jedi Gi made him look different but there was something in his eyes, the way he walked and carried himself. It was compelling.

Some years had passed since Luke confronted the truth of Darth Vader and realized who he was and meant to be. On Dagobah, Skywalker had faced his dark side and purged himself of weaknesses. Desperate to help his friends and driven by the fear of their loss he set out before he was ready. The events that unfolded later changed him forever.

In “Return of the Jedi” Luke has matured. Now a Jedi, he has become self reliant. He is competent and confident. This is apparent by his bearing and command of force powers. Luke can easily get past guards using Jedi mind tricks and can wield a light sabre with all the prowess of a master. But its more than mastery of skill.

In his maturity Luke has become calmer, more at ease within himself and confident in his decisions. Along the way he has lost the reckless and impulsive drive which we saw in the first two installments. The cockiness and impatience of youth are replaced by a humble and self assured resilience and character. Luke Skywalker is beginning to resemble Obi-wan Kenobi in some intangible way.

 

Growing Pains

Self reliance is something that comes early in some and later in others. For many there is a degree of self reliance but their wings are clipped. They are unable or unwilling to blaze their own trail.

Probably because of my upbringing I was self reliant by the time I was in my teens. My Father’s absence and alcoholism meant being able to look after myself at an early age. I barely had the skills to make it alone but life had taught me to fly early. As soon as I finished high school I flew the nest and I entered into the Army. It was out of the fire and into the frying pan.

 

Hurry up and Wait

The Army thrives on a paradox of inconsistent consistency. Nothing makes sense till it does. The strange thing about the Army is they teach you self reliance but preferred you didn’t have it. They want you dependent. We were taught the importance of improvisation and initiative but then punished when we used it. Skills and knowledge were drilled in to us which were handy in war but barely transferable in to the civilian world. With each year that passed I found myself less and less tuned to the world outside the gates and the people in it. In the Army you are caught in a sort of a paradoxical paradigm that stays with you when you leave.

Then the day comes when you are cast in to that world and all the escape and evasion training, combat survival skills, navigation, marksmanship, weapons handling and smart drill on the parade ground you learned means “sh*t” in the real world. You suddenly realize you know very little and are not so self reliant.

Fresh out of uniform I thought I would find civilian life easy. It came as a rude shock. Without the order, routine, support and discipline I soon fell apart. I would stay up half the night watching TV and sleep most of the day. My drinking crept from Friday and Saturday evenings into Sundays and then during the week. I could not hold down a job and would either get laid off or quit as my frustration and anger rose. I would lose my temper and get in to fights over trivialities. Women were a mystery unless they were strippers and hookers. People avoided me and friends disowned me. In the attempt to remedy the situation I sought a change of scenery and bounced about from one town to another and one job to another. In that time my drinking got worse as did my overall situation.

 

Booze Reliance

The problem with alcoholism of course is the dependence. With that dependence we lose any semblance of healthy self reliance. All of the sudden life becomes primarily a series of drunken episodes interspersed with periods of awkward sober time that invariably lead to another spree.

Everything and everyone has a utilitarian purpose in our agenda. We are reliant on our work to provide us with money to primarily buy booze. People are either facilitators or collaborators in our drinking or they are impediments. Friends are props to our drinking or sources of free booze and money. We think we are in control and self reliant when in fact we are a slave to our rampant emotions and addiction.

 

Becoming Self Reliant

Finding sobriety is about finding self reliance, often in the dark. For a start we have to stop being self centered and selfish. We need to stop demanding that the world cave to our demands and constantly make concessions. With a jolt we realize the time to grow up and act mature has arrived, albeit a little late in life. We have to stop relying on others and start taking ownership and responsibility. We may physically be adults but we have all the maturity of a child.

We pick up the pieces of our life and start to put them together with both hands. This means coming to terms with our faults. We resolve to be rid of them. Determined to set matters straight we seek out those we have wronged and we make amends where can. The past behind us we look to ways we can improve and grow becoming more and more self reliant as we do. We learn honesty and start to owe up to mistakes and fess up to blunders instead of allocating blame or making feeble excuses. With that new found freedom we look to where we can help others sharing the lessons of our own struggles.

 

Being Self Reliant

Luke Skywalker was a good example of everything that is positive and wholesome in self reliance. It was not the selfishness and arrogance of rugged individualism but a maturity born of hardship, self knowledge and sacrifice for others. Luke still needed others he cared for and he never sought to be a loner. The Jedi knew his purpose and like the Jedi before him he knew he could rely on the skills, knowledge and power that he had been given to make a difference in his life.

At the end of the day what good we draw daily into our own lives is largely up to us. If we rely on people, places, things, circumstances, money, status or the affection of others for our own happiness we are likely to be disappointed at some stage. All of these external factors are largely out of our control. The true source of happiness lies in self reliance. You are with you all the time whether you are in a city of 25 million souls or alone on a desert Island. The source of all your joys and sorrows resides within. Value that, it is all we really have.

 

“God laid down this law, saying: if you want some good, get it for yourself“. – Epictetus

 

Next Blog: Skills for Self Reliance

 

Note: I dedicate this blog entry to the service men and women who face the daily struggle in their transition from service to civilian life. CONUS Battle Drills is a sometimes sobering, sometimes hilarious look at that struggle and provides some skills for veterans leaving the service or already ensconced in civilian life that can be used to improve their lives.

 

CONUS Battle Drills

 

CONUS Battle Drills (The Book)