Leadership

12 Step Jedi Humility, Principles, Purpose, Service, Training, Virtues

“You don’t have to carry a sword to be powerful, a leaders strength is inspiring greatness in others” – Ahsoka Tano

A Rare Quality

To be Jedi is to be a Leader. Jedi choose to lead even if they are reluctant at first to do so they know it is their duty and responsibility as Jedi. The Jedi lead by example not by Force.

The Fictional Jedi were given leadership roles in the Republic. Positions of authority were granted as part of the Jedi title. A young Padawan student might have been given command of a battalion of Clone Troopers and was expected to lead them in to battle. The reality of war service demanded that they be willing to put aside hesitation, control their fear, reject their doubt and do their duty. They had to put the mission and the welfare of their troops above themselves. Quite a demand!

On our world I have met barely 21 year old men and women in the Israeli Defense Force with the rank of Captain or Major. Their dedication to duty and willingness to sacrifice themselves and lead others from the front is what makes their Defense Force and the country so united, resilient and strong. The young Young Kurdish female fighters of the YPG also lead men into battle against the Islamic State fanatics today. Their bravery, optimism, love of life and courage has gained the admiration of the world and continues to as they march to final victory.

“I am not afraid of an army of lions led by a sheep; I am afraid of an army of sheep led by a lion.” – Alexander the Great

False Leadership

Being Alcoholic and arrogant I had a false sense of superiority and an inflated ego that demanded respect without earning it. I expected simple length of service and appointed rank sufficient to define me as a leader. My subordinates at work may have obeyed my orders but it was out of fear and with resentment.

In my role as a Leader I was demanding standards in work and conduct from my charges that I was not applying to myself. Where there was failure or mistakes the blame would cascade down. Any credit for hard work and success went to me. My double standards negated my mandate to lead however the system kept me in charge and my team did what they could to resist and undermine me. To defy poor and incompetent leadership is a natural thing to do despite what we are told by society.

In my Regiment in the Army obedience to command was paramount but insubordination was common and also a natural response to incompetence. A corporal seemed to have the power of life and death over a private. Sergeants were a class above and Officers were like Gods. You did not even look at Officers unless you wanted a NCO to march over and literally rip your face off.

“Leadership is solving problems. The day soldiers stop bringing you their problems is the day you have stopped leading them. They have either lost confidence that you can help or concluded you do not care. Either case is a failure of leadership” – Colin Powell

Fear and Coercion

The entire ethos in my regiment was one of fear and intimidation. Through coercion and harsh discipline we were shaped in to an effective fighting force but there was no love or respect for command. With few exceptions they did not inspire us. If they told us to fight we did because we loved the fight anyway not because we respected them. We did what we did for each other and true Leaders stood among us in the ranks.

Operations were interesting. They say what “goes in the field stays in the field”. A number of unpopular NCO’s met “accidents” on patrol and were badly injured and repatriated. If a squad or platoon leader was a cluster in the field he was a liability and if not removed by echelon then he was removed one way or another by the Grunts.

Leaders that only care for themselves are not leaders. They may hold rank through some community, civic or military authority and enforce it through fear and intimidation but they are not Leaders.

“People ask the difference between a leader and a boss. The leader leads, and the boss drives” – Theodore Roosevelt

Lead by Example

Being sober and recovered gives us the opportunity to demonstrate that we are leaders in the truest sense. At home, work and in the community we can lead by virtue of example. We can demonstrate our principles consistently and in all of our affairs.

Being firm but fair in our approach we can adopt an attitude of transparency and openness. We look to where we can serve others before ourselves. People become drawn to our humility and selflessness. They recognize these virtues as leadership qualities and they gravitate to us. The respect is mutual and trust is established.

Leaders do this not for rewards or credit but because it is the right thing to do. It is their duty.

“If serving is below you, leadership is beyond you” – Anonymous
In the program there are no leaders, just persons appointed in to certain support functions needed to ensure the fellowship works. It is a egalitarian system that fosters trust and respect. All the same every person who shows up to help his fellow is a Leader in their own right.
Being given the opportunity to Lead is a privilege not an entitlement as I once imagined. Whether you hold that responsibility at home, at work or in the community remember we lead in order to serve others, not ourselves. By being sober and living in accordance with principles you lead by example. In doing so you help others strive to be better.

Be the Leader you are meant to be.

“A leader is best when people barely know he exists, when his work is done, his aim fulfilled, they will say: we did it ourselves.” – Lao Tzu

Learn

12 Step Jedi 12 Steps, Humility, Service, Training

“Suspend your judgment, and every being has something to teach you.” – Qui-Gon Jinn

One of the greatest mistakes that can be made is to reject something out of hand, without any consideration. More often than not we pass judgement on others before we have gotten to know them, we decide on an issue before we have all the facts. As a result we deny ourselves an opportunity to learn something new. We close our minds.

“Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.” – Desiderata

Another mistake is to not try new things. To blindly follow one way and ignore all others deprives us of the chance to further grow in our recovery.

Evolve

I am a strong believer in the precept “take what you need and leave the rest”.  To place labels on myself is to make a statement “this is who I am”. Who I am actually changes constantly. There is no definitive “I am”. We are not who we were yesterday and we will not be the same tomorrow. Our lives are bombarded constantly with information. With every experience our perception of the world changes and sometimes our view point can change dramatically. The way I viewed my own life, spirituality, God and recovery five years ago is very very different to the way I view it now. I have no doubt it will continue to evolve.

As I change, so do my needs.

Sometimes the main challenge is to sift through the information and decide what to take on board and what to reject. The beauty of a practical philosophy for life is that we embrace the chance to learn and try new things. We adopt what works and drop what does not in the now. Dogma and doctrine does not bind the Jedi.

Everyone has heard the saying “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks”. It is true that with age we become wiser and more set in our ways. We are more judging and skeptical. Fortunately most of us also accept that we don’t know everything, the problem is we are often reluctant to change. However change we must.

Listen and Learn

The fellowship of the 12 steps program is a thing of beauty. I can sit in a room and listen to complete strangers tell their story and share their hope and dreams for a sober life. Every story is unique and carries a message. Every person who speaks adds to the collective experience in the room and contributes to the recovery of others. We all listen with open ears and open hearts. We may not agree with everything that is said, but we listen, consider and decide what to take from the share. Every share is an opportunity to learn.

The truth is we never stop learning and very often the most valuable lessons come from the most unlikely places. My children for example have taught me more about empathy, compassion and tolerance than I thought possible. They also taught me to be a kid again. Friends, companions and co-workers teach us in ways we often overlook. The fellow alcoholic in the 12 step meeting teaches me a lot, especially to never forget. Sometimes I also wish I could be the person my Dog thinks I am. Pets are a gift. They teach us to be gentle, kind, loyal and attentive, to love unconditionally.

Share to Keep

It has taken a long time for me to realize that I don’t know everything and that we never stop learning. Old dogs can learn new tricks. I have also come to learn that everyone I encounter in my life leaves an imprint on me in someway.

We should never ignore “even the dull and the ignorant”.  I also often wonder if everyone who has enters and leaves our life was meant to. That some sort of serendipitous fate exists that brings souls together for their mutual benefit and growth. When that soul benefit is gained they move apart.

I learned so much about myself during my years of active alcoholism and I learned more during recovery. Every experience has made me the person I am today. My role now is to continue to learn from every angle but also to share what I’ve learned along the way.

So I will share what I think I know and if someone suspends their judgement, hears me out and benefits from that then it’s all been worth it.

Training is Life

12 Step Jedi Purpose, Self Esteem, Service, Training, Uncategorized, Virtues

 

“Training to be a Jedi is not an easy challenge, and even if you succeed, it’s a hard life.” – Qui-Gon Jinn

Life is Suffering

Life is hard and so is recovery. Our daily practices, applying principles and proactively working on self improvement all take effort. Change was never meant to be easy. It can be damn hard. Sometimes it can take everything you have.

The Jedi had a training program which included years of Temple Study in Lore, Ethics, History and Diplomacy as well as physical and martial arts training. There were long hours of meditation and light saber combat. The Jedi student was assigned to a Jedi Knight who acted as mentor and teacher. The apprenticeship lasted as long as was required to satisfy the Jedi Council of the Jedi’s competency. There were also trials the Jedi student had to pass. Training continued for life and Jedi rose in rank as they demonstrated mastery and skill. The Jedi also realized that even after hundreds of years of dedicated training they had not learned everything there was to know.

In recovery there is no graduation day or total mastery where we claim a cure from alcoholism and the problems of life. We may be recovered and strong in our sobriety however we are not immune from life. We can never truly rarely say we are cured and then return to drinking assured that we will be able to drink normally. There is always doubt, we might relapse back in to alcoholism. We don’t know everything and we never will. There is always more to learn so even the wisest and most experienced old timer never stops learning. If one is wise he will not grow arrogant and drink again.

To claim “complete mastery” over any subject and announce that there is nothing more to learn is fool hardy at best, dangerous at worst.

The Best School in the World

I like to say that the only alma mater that matters is the “school of hard knocks”. After years of formal study and training in various professions my greatest life lessons have come out of the hard experiences in life. The let downs, the disappointments and rejections, the failures and falls. The Buddha said that life is comprised of 10 000 joys and 10 000 sorrows. We shed a torrent of tears in a life time. We all experience the suffering of life. The experience makes us smarter and stronger. We learn from our mistakes and our misfortunes. In doing so we grow.

Some of these times in our life truly sucked, they were hard and tough but we got through them and they made us a better person. An old Martial Arts instructor once told me that anyone can wear a black belt. They cost a few dollars but only the person who has poured heart and soul in to their training can claim any meaning to that milestone. Its not the belt, but the pain, suffering and perseverance that it represents which matters. The black belt takes years to earn through dedicated training and application but only a moment to lose through poor choices. The Sensei can take it away at anytime, it is a distinction not an entitlement.

You only get out of life what you put in. Hard work will always pay off in the end.

In the same way I view sobriety. My sobriety is a “daily reprieve contingent to the maintenance of my spiritual condition“. What exactly does that mean? To me it means I must work daily to ensure that I get through each day. My aim is to improve with every day, to rise each day a better person than I was yesterday. I do this through Training and practical application of what I have learned. I know that if I become complacent and drop the ball I may backslide, I can end up back in the hole I put myself in all those years ago.

Daily Practice

My daily routine is a simple one but it does take effort. The benefits cannot be understated. Very often what we most need is routine and a set of goals. The best way to set goals is to break them down. With simple and achievable targets that challenge you, you will progress. Over time you ratchet up the effort a little. Always start slow but be consistent and work to improve.

My daily routine comprises of practices I have adopted from the 12 Steps, the Jedi Path and the Stoics. Feel free to come up with your own program and stick to it for a while, then modify if required to suit your lifestyle, limitations and needs.

Morning

  • On rising, practice a short period of gratitude. Remind yourself of one or two things you have to be grateful for as you come in to this day.
  • Welcome the  day. A new day means new opportunity. Be thankful for it. Every morning I try to greet the sunrise in its splendor. Otherwise I take a quiet moment and imagine the sun coming up over the horizon. I take a moment to contemplate the grand scale of the cosmos and infinite time and to remember that I choose life.
  • Spend a minute as you get ready for work or your days activities to plan the day. Set in your mind or on paper three things you aim to achieve today.
  • Consider the things that may go wrong. Remind yourself that through the day you will encounter people who are rude and obstinate and your plans may get derailed. Resolve not to let them beat you down.
  • Do my daily Readings.

During the Day

  • Do one act of kindness every day to someone. It can be anything, random or predetermined; an offer of assistance or help to someone struggling with a load, giving up my seat on the bus, a simple courtesy such as opening the door. A smile or kind word or an act of charity.
  • Deny myself something nice or practice some form of denial to remind myself not to get too attached to comforts and ease. I practice periodic intermittent fasting on occasion. In addition to reminding myself that food is a precious resource not to be taken for granted I find that occasional fasting makes me feel better. I may decide to leave my jacket at home on a cold day. Run the occasional cold shower!
  • Take a moment to undertake negative visualization. Consider a realistic scenario that might occur which could ultimately change your life or at least make it unpleasant. This could include ill health, unemployment, poverty, ridicule or hate from others, betrayal by friends or colleagues. Imagine yourself dealing with the situation and overcoming it; see yourself practicing acceptance and equanimity.
  • Do at least 30 minutes of exercise or physical training (this can also be in the morning or evening). Remember to have rest days to avoid over training (Stretch / Yoga on off days).

Evening

  • Spend at least 20 minutes in meditation (this can also be during the day or in the morning).
  • Review the day, what went right, what went wrong and consider how I can improve.
  • Journal my thoughts.
  • Take some quiet time, relax.
  • Thank the Force for another day.

Adventure

12 Step Jedi Purpose, Serenity, Service, Uncategorized, Virtues

“Adventure. Excitement. A Jedi craves not these things.” – Yoda

Probably the coolest thing in the world when I was a kid was the thought of being a Jedi. There seemed no grander ambition than to be a Jedi Knight.  I would defend the weak and fight against tyranny and seek out adventure. The Jedi was a boys own adventure and like boys and girls around the world we played at pretend. I remember I used to run up one hill to see what was on the other side and seeing another hill I would run to that one. The horizon had an appeal, it called to me.

I grew up craving adventure. If I had been honest during my interview with the Army I would have said I was there for the adventure. Years later I left because the experience had not satisfied my urge. With my childlike yearning to go beyond the next horizon I wandered the world for years seeking adventure and excitement.

The need for excitement extended to alcohol. Booze gave that sense of freedom and adventure that many of us seek. It was addictive. With a drink I was alive, my imagination was fired. I could be anything I wanted to be. No matter where I went I found a party and friends to drink with and toast life. I would mix with people of all walks of life, cultures and languages and immerse myself in incredible experiences.

It would be dishonest if I said that some of these times were not some of the most enriching and enjoyable of all my years on Earth. I would not trade them in for anything. There was a darker side to the story, as there always is.

Meaning or Hedonism

When life is all about shallow and transient sensual experiences and indulgences it suddenly loses meaning. I always thought that the whole point of life was to live the fullest life imaginable. An enlightened form of Hedonism.

Alcohol, drugs and sex were part of that rich tapestry of experience. I convinced myself that I was being deep and spiritual as I got stoned and drunk or sought out one night stands with complete strangers. I was simply using people, place and things for my own pleasure.

The decades rolled on and I can say I have lived a full life but it is not without regret. My quest for experience and adventure led me astray for many years. Alcohol robbed me of the opportunity for meaningful experiences. There are so many things I could have done, so many places I could have seen and people I could have got to know was it not for the desire for instant and mindless gratification.

True Experience

There is no sin in adventure and excitement. Any meaningful experience that enriches our lives is worth it. It can be as simple as getting up early enough to see the sunrise or sleeping under the stars in the desert. My most memorable moment was seeing my daughter’s eyes for the first time and feeling something in me I had never felt before; a mix of complete awe and unconditional love. Having children is the greatest adventure.

At times I get the urge to embark on another boys adventure. I guess I will always have the Gypsy blood, the yearning for the horizon.  Like the poem by Robert W Service I will always be one of the men “who don’t fit” in:

‘There’s a race of men that don’t fit in,
A race that can’t stay still;
So they break the hearts of kith and kin,
And they roam the world at will.”

Reece

Two years ago the 23 year old son of a Friend of mine was killed by an IED in Syria. He was a young man seeking adventure and a purpose greater than himself. So telling his Parents he was volunteering abroad to work with refugees he made his way to Syria and joined the Kurdish militia fighting Islamic State. Two months later he was dead. I can only imagine the shock and grief his parents must have felt.

“If they just went straight they might go far;
They are strong and brave and true;
But they’re always tired of the things that are,
And they want the strange and new.
They say: “Could I find my proper groove,
What a deep mark I would make!”
So they chop and change, and each fresh move
Is only a fresh mistake.”

I envied that young man when I heard he had gone over. My wish was that I could’ve gone in his place. I deeply wanted to do something. I’m not sure if that urge in me stemmed from a desire to fight the injustice and barbarity of Islamic State or from a selfish need for adventure. Would I have gone only to satisfy a craving that cannot be satisfied and which would have only bought regret later on? Like alcohol, one drink was too many and a thousand is not enough. I still don’t always trust my motives, even now. I’m alcoholic.

“And each forgets, as he strips and runs
With a brilliant, fitful pace,
It’s the steady, quiet, plodding ones
Who win in the lifelong race.
And each forgets that his youth has fled,
Forgets that his prime is past,
Till he stands one day, with a hope that’s dead,
In the glare of the truth at last.”

True Sacrifice

In the case of the young man, my friend’s dead son, I’m sure he went because he genuinely needed to help. He could not stand by and do nothing any longer. Without any military experience he went on his own accord. He died a selfless death in a devastated village on a lonely and dusty plain in Northern Syria by a bomb left behind by evil cowards who wanted to kill innocent civilians returning to their homes. In the time he was there he cleared dozens of IEDs left behind by the retreating Islamic State.

A martyr to the struggle against tyranny, his picture is displayed in buildings, in tanks and on memorials by his adopted people, the Kurds. In his home country he is considered a misguided child who craved excitement and adventure. In Kurdistan he is considered immortal and honored and loved. Both of his parents remain devastated, both are also deeply proud of their son’s sacrifice. Their child Reece sacrificed his life out of unconditional love.

“He has failed, he has failed; he has missed his chance;
He has just done things by half.
Life’s been a jolly good joke on him,
And now is the time to laugh.
Ha, ha! He is one of the Legion Lost;
He was never meant to win;
He’s a rolling stone, and it’s bred in the bone;
He’s a man who won’t fit in.”

Rest in Peace Heval Bagok. Sehid Namirin.

Ego

12 Step Jedi Ego, Service

“Luminous beings we are, not this crude matter” – Yoda

The ego is all that separates us from knowledge of who we truly are. I have heard something along these lines many times; it is the nature of duality, the illusion of separation of self from the source. As a Jedi I view it as the perceived separation from the Force, we believe ourselves to be separate egos and the fear, anger and chaos that the illusion of separation engenders leads to conflict and competition.

Yoda said “Luminous beings we are, not this crude matter”, although a fictional line in a movie it contains the very essence of the idea of the illusory nature of separation and our material existence. We are more magnificent than can be imagined, we have simply forgotten who and what we are in this grand cosmic game and are ruled by the Ego. The Ego is only an illusion, a construct that arises from the confusion as to who and what we truly are.

Many traditions and religions teach that death leads to the end of the Ego and transcendence of the soul to unity with the spiritual source. While the spiritual dimension of Jedi philosophy is best left to be resolved by each practitioner at the personal level, the concept of Ego and the Force as it relates to our time on this plane is central to Jedi Philosophy.  In order to be Jedi one must confront the Ego and push it to the background rather than letting it dictate thoughts, words and actions.

Imagine no Ego

If the Ego is simply a mask, a veil against our divine nature and a filter through which intent, thoughts, decision, words and actions are made then it makes sense that the Ego can be pushed back and even made irrelevant in our lives. Imagine a life without the influence of the Ego? For me there would be no more selfish decisions that centered on what was right for me. I would be more inclined to do what is in the benefit for everyone.

There would be no more need for conflict as I would be able to make greater concessions and negotiate outcomes without feeling cheated or short changed. My relationships would be better and I would be happier in being of greater service to everyone. My life would be about service and sharing for the sake of it, not for some tangible return although I would be richly rewarded in the pleasure that would bring.

I would not need to lie, cheat, avoid situations, hide facts, fear the future or regret the past I would be able to live in complete serenity and equanimity from moment to moment accepting life on life’s terms and being able to forgive and let go of any residual pain. This all sounds wonderful doesn’t it?

Deflation of Ego

In the program one often hears the term “deflation of ego” as being a vital spiritual experience often had by hopeless alcoholics who have hit “rock bottom”. The outcome is they suddenly and inexplicably never drink again and nothing but a spiritual experience can explain it. These are people who have previously tried everything to stop drinking and failed. When an alcoholic or an addict becomes so morally and spirituality bankrupt and effectively hit “rock bottom” they have nothing left and descended to a very dark place emotionally and spiritually.

I have been there and I can attest that it is the closest metaphor for hell that I can think of. Ekhart Tolle describes it in his book “Power of Now” as a place beyond time and place from which he awoke with a new vision of what life really is and a message for the world. Bill W too experienced the moment before he found his spiritual source and regained his life from hopeless alcoholism. Jesus and Saint Francis of Assisi and the Buddha all experienced this “deflation of ego” at their worst moments and emerged enlightened.

In Star Wars, Anakin hit “rock bottom” in the “Revenge of the Sith” as he turned to the dark side and service to Darth Sidious. The light saber duel on Mustafar between Anakin and Obi wan-Kenobi and his horrific and painful defeat in the lava flows was a parable for the final descent in to a personal hell. Unlike the others though, Anakin did not ascend from his personal hell but went further and completely embraced the dark side becoming Darth Vader.  Anakin did not experience a “deflation of ego”

Service is the key

Service is a big part of the 12 Step Program because serving others gets us out of ourselves. We no longer focus on our own problems but seek to help others with theirs. Sincere and genuine service, selfless actions of love and compassion are the key to connecting with who you truly are.

We all live busy lives. Some of us volunteers our time to causes or seek work where “giving back” is a big part of it. Many of us are busy trying to live from day to day and just get by. For me, service starts at home with taking care of my family and doing the best I can in my work. In the program, service can be as simple as sharing a personal story with a newbie starting off in recovery or volunteering to keep meetings going. Just showing up is service.

People are happier when they feel validated and part of a community. When they have a chance to help others and feel valued. I believe that’s what we truly are. We are more than “crude matter”, we are more than just Ego.