Change

Change is never easy. For some of us it is traumatic and frightening. Most people are creatures of habit and want life to be static. The person that we are today was not constructed over night but over a life time. We get used to who we think we are and what we have. Our thoughts, words and actions are usually the product of established patterns. Many of us don’t realize it but we are actually predictable. People correctly anticipate our reactions once they get to know us. Yet at the same time we act as if we are dynamic and mysterious or spontaneous in some special way. Usually the opposite is true. We don’t like surprises and we don’t want to change unless we absolutely have to.

 

The secret of change is to focus all your energy, not fighting the old, but on building the new.” – Socrates

Despite our reticence to change the world changes around us. Sometimes it changes faster than we can keep up. The older I get the less familiar the world seems to be and the more set in my ways I become. Yet there is no denying it, the world constantly changes and we must change with it. Old ideas and beliefs must be questioned and possibly put aside and replaced with new ones.

The 12 Steps is a program of change. Sometimes it is like ripping a band-aid off an old wound. We don’t want to do it but we know we must and with courage and fortitude we do. It hurts but the pain and the immediate relief felt when it’s done is worth it. With every change we make in or lives we evolve. With small and incremental changes made over time the people around is start to notice a difference and then after some self reflection we notice it too. We have grown and become a better person. No change worth having was ever easy. Remember that.

 

What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality.” – Plutarch

Drop the Rock

In the program they say we have to “drop the rock”. At first we are left wondering what this means. We inventory our faults and flaws and reveal to ourselves, to another and our Higher Power the full extent of the mess we have created. By bringing up what we would rather leave buried we come face to face with who we are and what we have done. Our true reflection stares back at us in the mirror. Illusions are dispelled; the fog has lifted from our eyes.

Knowing who we are gives us the opportunity to change. There can be no rectification of a problem if we don’t know what it is. In our case self honesty is the key to the change process. We can try to lie to other people but we find it is hard, lying to ourselves on the other hand becomes almost impossible when we know who we are. Once we have a “hit list” of changes that are needed to be made to support our recovery and demonstrate our new found principles we must find the courage and the strength to “drop the rock” that is holding us back.

 

Sometimes letting go is an act of far greater power than defending or hanging on” – Eckhart Tolle

To “drop the rock” means to “Let Go” of our old habits, negative patterns of thoughts and self defeating attitudes. This means that if there is something about ourselves that we want to change, we simply stop doing it. Whatever the flaw we simply drop it from our lives. This can seem hard at times. For example if we are in the habit of getting angry every time we don’t get our way, it may take some time before we go some time without acting out that anger. I had the habit of quickly jumping to conclusions about people and always expecting the worst. My pessimism was holding me back from growing in recovery. By being able to identify the habit and resolving to stop it, I have become more mindful about my “instincts” and less likely to make up my mind before I have all the facts.  The trick is to simply decide to make the change and “act as if”. We can  “fake it till we make it”; often this is enough to eventually get there.

 

Reflect

We never reflect how pleasant it is to ask for nothing.” – Seneca

 

Self reflection is an important part of this process and the evening review helps us in assessing our conduct during the day. We can visualize out interactions with people and our thought patterns and behaviors. Did we allow emotions to cloud our judgement or influence our decisions and actions? How did we handle difficult situations? Did stress make us do or say things we regretted? Was the source of much of our frustration other people? Did they do or say things that upset us? Why? What was our part in all of this?

Every day is an opportunity to learn new lessons and the evening review is that time when we can convert those lessons in to experience and wisdom. If something did not work today and we made an idiot of ourselves or messed things up, that’s OK. The trick is to realize where we went wrong and figure out what to do about it. Where we identify change is required we consider where and how to make the necessary adjustments and resolve to try again.

We should always remember that life does not happen to us. Generally most things that we perceive as “bad” are in fact “indifferences”. We simply judge them as “bad” because they are least preferred. Knowing that it is our impression and not the thing, we could just as easily be indifferent about whatever vexes us. The important thing to consider is what resides within our control and what is outside out our control. There are also those things which are partially in our control to act upon and influence to some degree.

 

Change yourself

The change that we affect in our lives is predominately in the area that we have control. This includes our behaviors and conduct, our thoughts and reactions to emotions. The attitude that we bring to any situation and our own resolve. We are responsible for these things as they are within our control. This is where we can make our changes.

 

Change your thoughts, transform your life

Strangely enough we tend to invest more energy in trying to exert our control where it is limited. We lose our minds when people, places and things do not change and conform to our expectations. Consider that the President of the United States appears to wield an incredible amount of control and power. The reality is he is dependent on others.

Like the rest of us, the President does not always get his way and planned policies never see the light of day because they get voted down or his supporters drop support. For someone who is used to being in control of others all of the time and being able to effect rapid and sweeping changes with the snap of his fingers, being POTUS must be a very limiting and very frustrating job.

 

You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.” – Marcus Aurelius

Slave not Master

The Sith were dedicated in forcing change not only on others but on natural and metaphysical laws. Forcing others to conform rather than adapting and changing to their environment was the Sith approach. The Jedi on the other hand had a code which they followed as a guiding principle and otherwise sought to change their selves first. They used logic and reasoning through negotiation and consensus to change others and influence an outcome.

The Jedi focused on what they were able to achieve rather than trying to force a solution that was inconsistent with their principles. Anakin Skywalker on the other hand felt that it was his duty to make the changes he believed were needed even if he had to use force. When others failed to conform to his plans he would grow resentful and resort to any means necessary.

 

“Always remember, your focus determines your reality” – Yoda

 

The Sith took advantage of Anakin’s desire to change the laws of nature. Darth Sidious realized that they could control Anakin by giving him the illusion of control. By becoming Darth Vader, Anakin became nothing but a servant. Worse he was demented and existed in an illusion of power believing that the fate of the Galaxy resided within his hands while doing little more than a pawn in his Master’s bidding.

Being alcoholic is like being a slave. We believe we have mastery over our own lives and control over others. We elevate ourselves to “big shots”. When reality bites and it always does we find don’t even have control over ourselves. We barely function as human beings. Alcohol is our Master. At this point we must first change ourselves before we can get control of our own lives back.

 

Do or do not, there is no try” – Yoda

 

Rule of Fives

Five approaches to making changes in your life:

    1. Break it down: A major overhaul is done in small and incremental steps. Change takes time. By making small changes successfully you increase your confidence and minor failures and disappointments are less likely to unhinge you.
    2. Weigh it up: Some desired changes produce beneficial outcomes. Others are less beneficial. Decide whether the change you want is worth it the consequences. In the Army I one day decided to stop being the “reserved grey man” and changed my behaviour to “big mouthed trouble maker” in order to be assertive, not a smart move. Not all change is wise.
    3. Keep it Positive: Carries on from the last point. Being polite and courteous instead of arrogant and rude would be a positive change in almost every circumstance.
    4. Keep it Simple: Try not to complicate things or make it hard. Be very clear about the changes you want to make it your life. You may decide you need to a change of scenery and decide to move to the mountains to achieve a calm and passive mind. In reality you can achieve this almost anywhere.
    5. Practice and Protect: If you don’t use it you lose it. If we want to be more mindful we need to practice mindfulness. It is a skill that becomes a habit with time and practice. If we never apply the change that we seek we will never own it. Saying, I want to be more self aware and calm is fine but you have to start being it.

Apathy

The longing you seek is not behind you, it is in front of you” – Maz Kanata

In philosophy we ponder existence and the meaning of creation. We ask questions like does life have meaning or is it a futile exercise of survival? Are we here to know our divine selves, to discover God or do we exist only to fulfill an evolutionary function through the law of gene preservation? Does life mean everything or nothing at all? I often ask myself these questions. Sometimes the questions are rhetorical as philosophy provides a response and Faith reassures me. Other times, especially when depression or apathy settles in the answers are less sure and doubt sets in.

In choosing recovery I made a decision to turn my life around. Sometimes I wonder if becoming sober and taking a spiritual view is not some sort of Jedi Mind trick on my self. That I’m not fooling myself. After all everything happens at the level of the mind. We can choose to believe whatever we want. The question of existential meaning in our lives can throw a spanner in the works. What is the meaning of life?

Psychology tells us the being able to modify our belief system from one perspective to another will in time change our outlook, our habits, character and ultimately our brain. The brain I had as a practicing alcoholic is not the brain I have now. Through nueroplasticity it has changed. Mediation and mindfulness are practices which have helped modify my cognitive and behavioral patterns. Indeed both are suggested by psychologists for that reason. Removing alcohol and working the steps also changes the brain. With a fresh set of eyes I see a world which is utterly different than what it was before.

“Even a thought, even a possibility, can shatter and transform us” – Friedreich Nietzsche

Red Pill, Blue Pill

In reality the world has not changed that much since I got sober only my perception of it has. Like a pilgrim on the road to Damascus I march along heading to a destination. Then on that road something happens. I stop look around me and ask the question that sometimes changes everything; “what’s the point“? Is there any point to any of this? Is life not just a futile exercise that ultimately means nothing and leads no where?

Nihilists premise that there is no existential meaning and all is for nothing. This idea suits many people but I have mixed feelings about it. Part of me embraces the idea that there is absolutely nothing I have to do or be. This means I can be whatever I want and not have to care.

I can take the blue pill and become a Nihilist. Hard reality crashes in. Virtue becomes entirely subjective; there is no right and wrong or good and bad about anything. Life is simply a choice between personal preferred and non preferred indifference. We can basically say “F&#k It” to anything, anyone and everything and sleep soundly at night.

On the other hand it is also bitter pill to swallow. Embracing a nihilist, albeit futile nature of existence view of the world throws the baby out with the bath water. It can leave us naked in a cold and barren world. The absence of philosophical and ethical tethers may feel good but apathy and depression doesn’t. Take the red pill and we jump in to the rabbit hole of endless possibility that could all be an illusion.

Life has no meaning the moment you lose the illusion of being eternal.” – Sartre

                  Source: Jean-Paul Sartre Existential Star Wars: Death Sartre

On a Mission

As a 12 Step Jedi I am supposed to champion virtues and uphold principles. There is supposed to be a point to everything. I know what’s right and wrong, good and bad. A philosophy based on both virtues and principles is to be practiced daily and lived. The Fictional Jedi took an oath to the code and dedicated their selves to that code no matter what the consequences. They lived by the code. A mission or cause could seem futile, even doomed to fail however the Jedi did their duty accepting whatever the outcomes.

Not all Jedi took that view. There were Jedi who chose to walk away and adopt a life that was more nihilistic in philosophy. These were the Gray Jedi. They had taken the proverbial blue pill.

 

The Gray Jedi

The “Gray Jedi” were not an order, there was no structure or organization behind them. These were Jedi who walked a solitary path free of any code but their own individual one. From a historical perspective they resembled the Ronin of feudal Japan. Unlike Ronin who were master-less Samurai and often mercenaries, the Gray Jedi were Jedi who had lost their Faith and had distanced themselves from the Jedi Order and Path.

Gray Jedi did not embrace the Dark Side, to do so would have made them Sith. Rather they walked a middle path between light and dark without embracing either. They were beholden neither to the Jedi or the Sith and were indifferent to both.

Master Jedi Qui-Gon Jinn was considered a Gray Jedi for his unorthodox ideas but was in fact a dedicated Jedi. In the old Republic there were true Gray Jedi like Jolee Bindo. Groups of Force users also arose that were essentially Gray Jedi. Quinlan Vos and Ahsoka Tano were never called Gray Jedi but both had lost faith with the Jedi. They survived as maverick rebels after the purge of the Jedi Order and destruction of the temple under Order 66. They saw the futility in their cause but with nothing else to do they carried on.

 

Losing my Religion

Luke Skywalker apparently suffers a loss of faith and becomes a Gray Jedi in the “Episode VIII: The Last Jedi”. Has he really become a Gray Jedi? Many seem to think that Luke has succumbed to an existential crisis. Luke is old and alone on Ahch-To. A self imposed exile with a lot of history. Despite his past he has never fallen to the anger and fear that swayed Anakin to the Dark Side. The futility of the struggle and a faith lost has made him a type of Nihilist. He finally said “F#%k It”. Sometimes I feel like Luke Skywalker, maybe it’s an age thing.

These days there is a real temptation to be a Gray Jedi. I’ve thought about it. I could also be apathetic and sober. I’m not sure how that would work though. Its not in my nature and apathy tends to go hand in hand with booze. Nihilism and apathy don’t always go hand in hand though but the latter is worth a mention because it figures prominently in the new type of nihilism emerging in society.

 

Generation Apathy

There is a growing trend for younger people to embrace a philosophy that claims a futility of existence and the absence of meaning. A type of hedonistic nihilism that dictates everything is going to hell so have the maximum amount of fun now with total disregard for the future. Mindless consumption is one of the symptoms, so is mindless sex and violence.

Society has become numb and dysfunctional. Religion is dying and spirituality is seen as less relevant. Nihilism, not even the true type as penned by Nietzsche, becomes the easier option to an apathetic and disenfranchised generation. The result is a general apathy and resignation that if nothing has any meaning so why should one pretend to care.

Social media posts, comments, likes and hastags have become the symbols of an uncomfortable apathy. We want to do something about all the wrongs we see on the internet, we feel anger, rage, inertia and finally apathy. A cognitive dissonance is continuously felt by people who feel they would do something if they could but won’t because it’s too hard. It’s in our face all the time. Saturation media and social isolation reinforces apathy and a sense of futility follows.

We are entering a post modern era. Truth and reality is now defined by the individual based on their own cultural, social and personal history as well as trending views that shift and polarize. The world is becoming over populated, culturally uniform, highly mobile, technologically connected and yet so very lonely and disconnected on a human level. Society has shifted from optimism based on scientific certainty and technology to one of pessimism based on uncertainty and anxiety. We are literally being conditioned not to care.

Everything has been figured out, except how to live.” – Sartre

 

 Snap out of it

Nihilism gets a bit of a bad rap for being the philosophy of Apathy, it isn’t. Nihilism simply states that nothing has any meaning, there is neither good nor bad. For many people this can be liberating. However we can depress ourselves when we ponder existentialism and start to question the meaning in our lives.

Right now I’m telling myself to snap out of my own sense of apathy. I need to get back on the road to Damascus and walk the Jedi Path again. I need to keep trudging the 12 Steps. Wallowing in self doubt and apathy won’t help. Perhaps a bit of media fasting will help. I can sit for five minutes and write a gratitude list. Try to keep busy and find a way to get outside of myself. There are a lot of things we can do when we start to question the very meaning of our lives.

Perhaps Nihilism provides a solution in part. Why be sad, apathetic or depressed about something that has no meaning?

But I still have to decide, do I take the red pill or do I take the blue?

Speak

The ability to speak does not make you intelligent” – Qui-Gon Jinn “Episode 1: The Phantom Menace”

Jar Jar Binks was one of the most annoying characters created by George Lucas in the prequels. Many Star Wars fans cringe at the Gungan buffoon and derided the prequels for introducing him. Jar Jar Binks is actually like a lot of people we meet and not all of them act that way when they are drunk though they may at times sound like him. They are usually drawing a lot of attention their way and speaking a lot without actually saying anything useful.

How often do we kick ourselves after we have said something better left unsaid. We often catch ourselves too late. It would be better to think before speaking. There are also times when we wish we had said something but we didn’t. Not speaking up also seems at times as bad as saying the wrong things at the wrong times.

Silence

Silence is a virtue or so we are told. The teachers in my catholic school would remind us often that children are seen and not heard. Silence was imposed and voicing an opinion was discouraged. I have discovered that often the greatest wisdom comes from the mouth of a child. Plain truth belies innocence. One should always speak their truth quietly and clearly. Listen to your kids or Grand kids often.

Learning when to speak and when to keep silence is an art. We all want to be heard. Sometimes we are not given the chance. The loudest and most assertive speakers generally get the floor. Passive and quiet people are usually not heard above the din.

The Power of Quiet

I’ve usually found the loud, gregarious and boorish types who insist on being heard above others have the least to say. The ability to speak does not always imply intelligence. In our society it seems that the most vocal and the loudest get the most airplay time. There is nothing wrong with that as it is a sign of open discourse which keeps Democracy alive. This is true as long as others are not silenced and forgotten. The loud and arrogant have a right to be heard but so do the quiet and humble.

Usually the quiet types are the ones we need to listen to. Their silence might not hide ignorance but a reluctance to speak. They may also know that saving your voice for when it’s required is often the best approach. You see them in the back of the room at meetings. They are also the silent person at work and the quiet achiever in the team. When they speak up I usually listen intently. The quiet ones usually have something I often lack; diplomacy, wisdom and tact.

“[The Spartans] conceal their wisdom, and pretend to be blockheads, so that they may seem to be superior only because of their prowess in battle … This is how you may know that I am speaking the truth and that the Spartans are the best educated in philosophy and speaking: if you talk to any ordinary Spartan, he seems to be stupid, but eventually, like an expert marksman, he shoots in some brief remark that proves you to be only a child”. – Plato

Who would’ve thought the Spartans were the silent types? Many guys I met who were Special Forces Operators were quiet and unassuming but also sharp as a tack. The mark of a true warrior. A lot of people mistake being quiet for being weak, often a big mistake! The guys you met in a Bar who were loud and telling war stories were usually from rear units or had never served. Big mouths are usually compensating for some deficiency.

Speak Up!

Francis Bacon said that “silence is the virtue of fools”; this is true for those who remain silent when they should have spoken up.  Never remain silent when to do so would be an injustice. If we speak up and learn that despite what is apparent we are wrong then we can make amends. It is too late after something wrong happens that we could have otherwise prevented by raising our voice. It often stuns me when I learn that an accident has happened in the workplace and I hear someone say “I could see that was going to happen”. My first question is “Why didn’t you say anything?” . We all have a responsibility to speak up when it is required.

The fictional Jedi by nature were not gregarious, they were assertive and they did speak up when it was required. They did however speak mindfully; they measured their approach and considered their words particularly over delicate matters. The Jedi used tact and diplomacy. Words were not wasted. They said a lot in few words.

Listen Up!

We have two ears and one mouth, so we should listen more than we say.” –Zeno of Citium

Being a good listener is also a virtue. When we speak we are moving from the known to the known. Listening takes us from the unknown to the known, we learn something. Then in order to communicate effectively one must actively listen and respond being mindful of what we say and how we say it. Language is only partially verbal; body language, facial expressions, eye contact, hand motions, tone and the most subtle cues often communicate more than words. By listening actively we are communicating.

Women in particular are expert at picking cues and know when a guy is not listening. So for the sake of serenity, Listen!

A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he knows something.” –Wilson Mizner

Meesa throw it all together

Knowing how to listen and when to speak and when to hold tongue is an exercise in self discipline and mindfulness. As an alcoholic I often feel compelled to allow my emotions to drive my tongue. It takes real presence of mind to catch myself. A speech injected with anger or resentment may get an impact but it is one we learn to regret later. Angry or yelling we don’t hear anything, not even ourselves making a mess of things. In recovery we learn that anger and resentment does not serve us. To throw anger at others through our words makes us feel worse not better.

“”First learn the meaning of what you say, and then speak.” – Epictetus

Jar Jar Binks eventually made it to the Galactic Senate and despite his clumsiness with words and actions still proved to be a worthy ally up until the fall of the Republic. The fact that he became a politician seems a parody of our own society where sometimes the politician with the biggest mouth ends up in the highest office. We should still be willing to give those people the benefit of the doubt when they say things that are less than intelligent. After all many of us said things that we wish we hadn’t and expected the same courtesy from others.

Patience

“A great leap forward sometimes requires two steps back” – Obi wan-Kenobi

The uncommon virtue

Patience is a virtue and is often viewed as an ideal Jedi trait. The calm and passive Obi wan-Kenobi deliberate in his words and actions and the meditative Yoda an epitome of patience whether consulting with fellow members of the Jedi Council on Coruscant, discussing strategy in a battle briefing or training Luke Skywalker in the ways of the force on Dagobah show the merit of the virtue. Jedi were patient, it was in their nature and in their training to show patience regardless of the circumstances.

Often the Jedi could also be impulsive and reckless wanting to rush off in to battle. Quinlan Vos was not your usual Jedi and is seen as a maverick by Obi wan-Kenobi in the hunt for Ziro the Hutt. Quinlan Vos later joins Asajj Ventress in a plot to assassinate Count Dooku where his impulsive nature eventually leads him to make choices that run counter to the Jedi Path. Luke Skywalker is also impatient throughout his adventures barely reined in by the advice of Obi wan Kenobi and later Yoda. Anakin on the other hand is the least patient of all the Jedi and while his insistence for direct action all the time and doing things his way gets results during the Clone Wars it does come at a price which in the end costs him everything.

“Patience Master Patience” – Ahsoka Tano to Anakin in the Clone Wars “Blue Shadow Virus”

Patience was never a virtue of mine and it is rare among alcoholics and other addicts. Once we want something and our mind is fixed on it we have a single minded purpose that ignores the consequences. Our thirst for whatever is desired overrides reason and logic. We cannot be told to wait and to stop us from getting what we want is akin to being prevented oxygen. Our lack of patience extends to people, places and things.

One thing to another

We grow tired of our relationships or we are never satisfied with the people in our lives always demanding more from them and often more than they can give or are prepared to give. Our jobs become a revolving door affair, soon impatient with co-workers, conditions or the lack of recognition in our many talents we either quit or force our employers to remove us. Some of us are constantly on the move seeking the “geographic solution” and then become quickly bored or disillusioned with new places and situations after a short honeymoon. Our possessions no matter how greatly desired or paid for soon lose their shine and we want to move on to new things. Never content, never satisfied, least of all with ourselves.

In some ways the lack of patience is a good thing. For example it can drive one to succeed and arrive at their goals sooner. An impatient man is rarely satisfied with mediocrity and demands better. As an alcoholic my impatient nature led me to some major successes in my life but not without cost to relationships, principle, pride and health. I burnt people along the way as well as bridges and compromised on my integrity time and again until I was morally bankrupt.

Stop, Think, Assess and Rectify

Patience is a virtue and it is hard won and easily lost but every moment we live in patience is a moment lived well as it allows you to enter the flow of life and for once not fight against the stream. Time slows down and we start to connect with others and find our true inner self. Being sober has taught me a lot about patience; to slow down and allow things to happen as they will without forcing them along especially in recovery and with my relationships. To live and let live and to “Let Go and Let God”.

Doctors are correct when they advise Patients to be patient with their healing, that is because nature (including your body, mind and soul) require time to heal when injured or sick. Oddly enough the word Patient comes from the Latin “to suffer” and to have patience no less means to show calm endurance and overcome base impulses to react, even if it means to suffer in silence to do so.

As the sense of urgency and impulsive instinct to act or speak rises today, take a step back as Obi wan suggested to Anakin and take a moment to consider your next step. Would you raise your voice in impatience at a child who doesn’t understand? Do you run a red light because you want to get home to put your feet up? Do you make enemies at work by being rude and impatient because things aren’t going as you want?

You rarely have to react in an instant to what is around you and things can wait. There is no need to get upset or angry at slow traffic because doing so will not make it move any faster. Time will move at its own pace and what better time to spend practicing the virtue of patience. Slow down, be calm, at peace, passive and let the Force in the moment flow through you.

Control the things you can

Control is Serentiy

Accept the things you can’t….

Jedi were renown for having control over their emotions and staying in control seemingly when others were losing their minds. They were calm and completely at peace but behind that serenity was the potential for decisive action. Jedi were also adept at manipulating and controlling the Force with their minds and at times also controlling the minds of others through “mind-tricks”.

One could almost describe a Jedi Master as a sort of Warrior-Monk Stoic, completely devoid of inner disturbance and completely present in a state of equanimity and purpose amidst a raging storm. Of course this is fiction and only an ideal, not reality. The truth is that few but the most disciplined practitioners and adherents of a monastic order could achieve the same measure of internal emotional control and then they would still be subject to the vagaries of the world. Very few people would be able to achieve the same level of self control as a Jedi Master.

The main difference between a Jedi and an ordinary person is their ability and the wisdom to discern what resides within their control and what lies outside of it and to respond accordingly. Jedi have the serenity to accept the things they cannot change and the courage to change the things they can. More importantly a Jedi will know the difference between the two and reflect that in their decisions and actions.

It is important to remind ourselves that despite our best efforts sometimes we do not achieve our goals in life for a number of reasons. Life is not so simple and often the path is convoluted and beset with traps and pit falls most of which we have no control over. Awareness of control is important as it will lead to acceptance of failure and humility in success and ultimately a greater sense of serenity and peace.

What is intrinsic to you is what you have control over. Your thoughts, actions, words, motivation and your response to emotional stimuli ultimately reside entirely within your sphere of control. As you move from your inner world to your outer world your degree of control over your world diminishes. You have partial control over your health but not complete control, you exert partial control over the behaviors of people close to you but ultimately every person has free will to choose how they think and feel.

Remote events whether local or internationally happen with or without our consent, the planet revolves on its axis and orbits around the sun and the cosmos evolves and expands utterly indifferent to our existence or cares. Take some time to appreciate the difference between what is within your control, what is partially within your control and what is completely outside of your control. Act with purpose where you can and be prepared to accept the outcomes with equanimity and grace.

Grant me serenity

To accept the things I cannot change

Courage to change the things I can

And wisdom to know the Difference

The serenity prayer is one of the most profound prayers written and it one that I read daily as part of my 12 Step practice in acceptance. I understand that I cannot expect the world to revolve around me, I accept that things may not go the way I plan. However what choices I do have is how I will respond to life every moment. I know that in the course of the day I will feel a wide range of emotions some of which may feel unpleasant however I still decide how I respond to and act out those emotions. Do I allow myself to feel anger? Yes, as a human being I will feel anger or disgust in certain circumstances, however I choose how to respond to those emotions. I can lash out or attack another person or I can remain calm and explore the emotion, allow it to take its course and then choose how to act in an appropriate manner.

As an active alcoholic I had no realistic grasp on emotions and rarely applied control. In addition I had no concept of the fact that some things were not in my control and I lived in a false reality where it was normal that the world should make allowances for me. Of course this continued in early sobriety when I thought that being dry gave me some sort of entitlement to be treated special and I would rebel when people did not conform to my expectations. Society does not function for me, I am a part of society and a small part at that. Over time I began to realize that I needed to focus on what I can change (myself) and do my best with what I had partial control over. I have to be prepared to accept and let go of the things I have no control over at all.

Understanding our limited influence, the impermanence of our impression upon the world and the fleeting amount of time we have to spend in the material plane within our limited bodies is both humbling and liberating. We realize that we are a minuscule part of the whole which makes up the Universe, that we are each a single beautiful note within the expanse of the grand symphony of life. The part of the whole. With your feet planted firmly on the ground ask yourself these three questions as it applies to what is happening in this moment, in your life and with what you hope to achieve:

  1. What is in my control?
  2. What is outside of my control?
  3. What are my choices and how do I act?

Then go out and act and do so with mindfulness, purpose and single-minded intent.