Silent Witness

Be the silent watcher of your thoughts and behavior. You are beneath the thinker. You are the stillness beneath the mental noise. You are the love and joy beneath the pain.” – Eckhart Tolle

“Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter.” – Yoda

Have you ever felt you were being watched? Did you ever get the feeling that your every word and action was observed, scrutinised and judged by a silent and impassive observer? If you did or said something you knew to be wrong but rationalised it to be justified, did you ever get the sense that someone was looking on as a silent witness? If you said yes to any or all of the above, you have probably experienced the presence of the silent witness.

To say that if the Jedi die, the light dies, is vanity.” – Luke Skywalker

The silent witness can be referred to as your conscience, inner moral compass, inner divine, guardian angel or soul. Everyone has one. It does matter if they are inherently “good” or “bad” people. Even the Sith had a conscience as diminished as it was in their absolutist view of things. Count Dooku (Darth Tyranus) for example felt that some actions were too extreme in the persecution of the Clone Wars. At times he made feeble attempts at diplomacy and peace that were quickly put down by Darth Sidious. In the end Dooku was punished for his “weakness” and betrayed by his Master at the hand of Anakin. In these moments of “weakness” was Dooku listening to his conscience? Did a shred of the Jedi Master that he was before falling to the Dark Side still remain as a silent witness to his crimes?

There are two ways to view the world. Through the eyes of the observer and through the perceiver. The observer see’s unfiltered reality. The perceiver also observes reality but adds the filter of judgement, bias, experience, hopes and fears. The silent witness is the observer of things as they are while the ego-mind is the perceiver from a given point of view. The silent witness is indifferent and immune to harm while the ego-mind is stuck in the state of suffering.

Remember, concentrate on the moment. Feel, don’t think. Trust your instincts.” – Qui-Gon Jinn

The inner witness is the silent and unjudging divine observer that is ever present within our lives. We may not notice but it is there. The Dark Side of our nature attempts to supress it and drive it back into the shadows because the silent witness threatens the ego. Through mindfulness and meditation, we come to experience the inner witness and become aware that it is closer to our true self than the perceiving ego.

Close your eyes for a moment, take a breath in and relax, ask yourself “what am I thinking now?”. Notice how your mind goes blank? You have thrown a light onto your conscious and judgemental thoughts. The ego recedes from the light and all that is left is silence. Ask yourself “what am I feeling now?”. You will notice the swirl of emotions within you behind the rise and fall of your diaphragm as you breath in and out. As you observe and accept these emotions without judgement they will fade and be replaced by a feeling of lightness. You are present in the moment seeing reality without the filter of personal perspective. This is the state of NOW and the presence of the inner witness. You have become the observer.

Do it enough times and you will begin to feel a connection to the Force. All you need to do is become the observer to your thoughts and emotions. Your perception changes. You begin to lose judgment of your fleeting thoughts and emotions allowing them to wash over you. They lose their power to hurt you. You being to achieve a higher state of equanimity. Validation is found within the self rather than through others. Self-knowledge, self-acceptance and self-realisation begin to unfold like a blossoming flower.

In my experience, when you think you understand the Force, you realize just how little you know.” – Ahsoka Tano

The Sith used meditation to cultivate their connection to the Dark Side of the Force and harness its power. The inverse was true for the Jedi. That was the nature of the duality of the Force which is actually one. Our reality has us experiencing the full spectrum of the Force.

In alcohol abuse I resided in a grey world that drifted in and out of a dark place. I was barely conscious of my inner witness and lived in the tight grip of the ego. In recovery the pendulum has shifted the other way. I am now more aware and less likely to act impulsively or allow rampant thoughts and emotions to get away from me. There is no Light Side or Dark Side to the Force. There is only the Force. The Light and Dark sides reside within me.

The execution of Count Dooku at the hands of Anakin was a pivotal moment in the Skywalker saga. Count Dooku was vulnerable and had surrendered himself to the Republic. Darth Tyrannus was defeated, his fate sealed. Anakin cut Count Dooku down without hesitation on command of Palpatine and became the new apprentice to the Sith Lord. The Jedi Code did not matter to Anakin and neither did his conscience. Anakin had shut out the silent witness and the Dark Side had taken its place.”

It takes strength to resist the dark side. Only the weak embrace it.” – Obi-Wan Kenobi

People do evil things not because they are evil but because they perceive that they do good and that the means justify the ends. Atrocities are committed by humans in full control of their senses and emotions. They do them because the silent witness has been ignored. The silent witness continues to observe all that they do because it is the Force that resides within all, the eternal spark of the divine, the immortal Soul. It is the witness to your life, it can be ignored or shut out but it never leaves you and witnesses everything.

The line “May the Force be with you” is a call to let the Force be a silent witness, a power, in your life. Whether or not you let it depends on you. You can choose to let your life be run by the ego or the silent witness.

Further Reading:

“The Mindful Body: Thinking Our Way to Chronic Health” by Dr. Ellen J. Langer (Harvard School of Psychology). Ballantine Books (September 5, 2023). https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/705365/the-mindful-body-by-ellen-j-langer/

Statues

The Statue of Jedha (Copyright and all rights reserved by Lucas Films Ltd)

 

If you believe in the Jedi and you believe in the Force, it feels like Jedha is somewhere you should visit in your lifetime.“―Gareth Edwards

 

The great Jedi statue lay fallen in the desert. A symbol of a forgotten time. All memory of the Jedi had been erased. It was safer not to speak of the legends that mentioned them. It was treason and punishable by death to do so. Those that still held on to the hope of a better future looked to the past and the stories to give them strength.

 

Statues can be works of art, they are symbols of the past, present and future. To some they represent a memory of life in different time. They may be seen as reminders of past glories, victories and success. Erecting statues has been a form of human reverence and celebration since early antiquity. Yet while they are admired as symbols of the past good and bad by some their existence is reviled by others. Statues that stand eventually come down.

 

The Colossus of Rhodes stood 100 feet high and was toppled by an earthquake. The  great statues of Rome stood for centuries until they were toppled when the city was sacked. The greatest of the Roman statues, the Colossus of Constantine stood 40 feet tall. The great statue of Zeus in the Temple of Olympia survived for almost a millennia until it was destroyed in the fifth century. Hundreds of statues glorifying the founders of the Soviet Union were removed following the fall of the Berlin Wall. More recently the great Buddha statue at Bamyam was destroyed by the Taliban in 2001.

 

Removing monuments and statues has now become a form of cultural cleansing designed to rewrite history and expunge the memory of past injustices. The act is a cultural and political one. Statues are made of stone and bronze and are silent yet they tell a different story to different people. Statues themselves are indifferent. They do not care if they remain standing or are broken in to pieces. Statues cause no injury or offence. The harm that they are perceived to cause resides only in the minds of the offended. Whether a statue stands or is removed from existence makes no difference to past glories, tragedies or injustices.

 

Sometimes I visit a war memorial. I look at the statues that are there. For me the inner experience of seeing the monument to a distant past and reading the names of the fallen is personal. It is different to everyone. When I was drinking I had beliefs and attitudes that were as tall and solid as statues of marble. They were my monuments to an ego run riot. In time I learned to no longer look to these pillars and statues. I no longer revered them. My choice is not to forget the past but to remind myself daily what it was like, what changed and how it is now. I need those reminders because they tell a story that I cannot forget if I mean to remain sober.

 

If we forget our history we are doomed to repeat it.

 

When the Jedi Order fell and the survivors of Order 66 fled in to exile the Empire moved to erase all memory of the Jedi. Jedi Temples were destroyed. Statues of the great Jedi Masters were pulled down. New statues and monuments that exalted the glory of the Empire were built on the ruins of those that had been ground to dust. The Great Jedi Temple of Coruscant was ransacked, the library destroyed but the building preserved for the enjoyment of Darth Sidious. It became the the Imperial Palace. Where reason, inquiry, learning and light had filled the corridors and halls now only fear, intimidation and darkness resided.

 

Hope still survives in the galaxy. On a distant planet on the outer rim an old hermit peers out across the desert as if gazing in to the past and the future at the same time. The old man has seen many things and he remembers them all.

 

Now ask, ‘Where is the Force of Others?’ and one answer becomes inevitable: the kind and cold moon of Jedha. For a thousand faiths see the truth in Jedha’s mysteries, no matter that their stories differ; no matter that not one history of the Temple of the Kyber can explain each brick in its foundation, or that our legends entwine and part in paradox.―”Faith and the Force of Others”: An excerpt from the archives of the Order of the Esoteric Pulsar.

 

Star Wars Actor John Boyega Shares Yoda's Message Of Support For ...

Harmony

There is no Chaos; there is Harmony” – Jedi Code

The underlying message of the mantra “There is no Chaos; there is Harmony” is perception. At times everything around us seems in utter chaos. Thoughts and emotions can run amok and cause us to act in ways that we later regret. The way you respond to things out of your control remains within the power of your control.

 

We can control our lives by controlling our perceptions.” – Bruce H. Lipton

 

For a recovering alcoholic, the progression of the disease is like being caught in a whirlwind. It is nothing less than pure chaos, a type of hell or nightmare in which we have no control. The only way out ironically is to accept, admit and surrender, there lies the keys to freedom.

 

Whatever has been said about Darth Vader it can never be said that he was an agent of Chaos. Darth Vader was to the extreme a controller, he wanted to rule the universe and control the Force. In the end he was little more than a slave to Darth Sidious who was chaos himself.

 

Sheev Palpatine was a megalomaniac, a narcissist with a colossal ego who thrived on chaos, deception and manipulation to control others. Not that different to a functioning alcoholic, Palpatine was drunk on the power of the Dark Side. Control was maintained by perpetuating disharmony through fear.

 

Chaos, like Palpatine, was my master and I know her well. She was a cruel mistress but she promised me joy, power, confidence and popularity. She made me feel like a king and allowed me to feel alive and free. Once I was hooked she made me a slave and I could not live without her. She made me lie, steal, cheat, fight and disgrace myself over and over again. She challenged me to leave and then would punish me severely when I returned. I rode on this merry-go round from hell for over 20 years and tried many times to get off but could not until she took me to a very dark place and that’s where I found my way out. The grace of a a higher power.

 

You can choose Chaos or Harmony. That is in your control.

 

“Your perspective is always limited by how much you know. Expand your knowledge and you will transform your mind.” – Bruce H. Lipton

 

We know that the world can seem chaotic yet viewed from a distance the planet appears in order, calm and peaceful, in harmony. Even if your world seems to be falling apart there is more working in the world than not. The water, electricity and telecommunications systems are still running. There is still food on supermarket shelves. Harmony resides behind the chaos.

 

Whether in full glory or behind a mask of clouds, the sun will rise in the morning. Harmony cannot exist without chaos no more than day can exist without night. The sun never really rises, and it never sets, that is only a perception. Yet we do not feel the world turning beneath our feet.

 

Our beliefs control our bodies, our minds, and thus our lives…” – Bruce H. Lipton

 

When we center ourselves and look at a situation outside of the lens of our own reactivity it often looks very different. To paraphrase Epictetus, “it is not the thing that harms us but our perception of it”. Chaos exists within you but so does harmony.

 

By grounding yourself you can sort through the chaos and find inner harmony. The world may fall apart but that does not mean that it should also cause your mind to do the same. You have a choice how to perceive a thing and how to respond to it.

 

Buddha stated that in fact there is nothing. Nothing we perceive is as it appears. Everything is an illusion. Yoda tried to explain this to Luke Skywalker and demonstrated that power when he lifted the X-Wing out of the swamp on Dagobah with his mind.

 

What quantum physics teaches us is that everything we thought was physical is not physical.” – Bruce H. Lipton

 

Quantum physics demonstrates how little we understand matter and energy. All matter is in fact packets of energy and essentially comprised of nothing. This sub-particle concept is incredibly mind-boggling but illuminating. Consider that an electron can exist in two different points in the Universe, at the same time. It can be here and there at the same time. Chaos and harmony are in balance at the cosmic and at the particle level.

 

Our goal is to live in harmony with others, the environment and ourselves. By achieving harmony with the inner and outer environment we come to be in harmony with our higher self.

 

Our very cells respond to our thoughts. A mind that resides in chaos and disharmony affects the body at the physiological and DNA level. The community, nature and health of the individual are affected. When we are in a balanced a state of harmony allows for the body, community and nature to heal itself and function.

 

human beings have a great capacity for sticking to false beliefs with great passion and tenacity,” – Bruce H. Lipton

 

Giving up false beliefs, becoming honest and pouring passion and tenacity into recovery is what brings contended sobriety to the suffering alcoholic. The formula works wherever disharmony exists.

 

The world is in the current mess because humanity is in disharmony with itself and with nature. Our species has forgotten that we are a part of nature and not separated from it. We share a common fate because all is ultimately connected. Once we find that connection with nature and live in harmony with it, the balance can be restored and the world can recover.

 

When Yoda said “we are luminous beings, not this crude matter” I believe that George Lucas was alluding to this convergence between science and the spiritual. The interconnectedness of all things defines the Force. Harmony cannot exist without chaos. The Force binds everything together and pervades everything like the Tao. Where chaos and harmony meet and balance, we find Infinite Love. Is Life, the cosmos, not both after all? It is a perfect union of chaos and harmony.

 

“Nature is based on harmony. So it says if we want to survive and become more like nature, then we actually have to understand that it’s cooperation versus competition.” – Bruce H. Lipton

 

To ground yourself be mindful of your thoughts and emotions by regularly checking in on them. Ask yourself, “What am I feeling right now”. Observe, impartially, the emotions that stir within you. Explore them with a curious mind without becoming attached to them as if observing them from a distance.

 

Observe your thoughts in the same way; ask “What am I thinking right now?” Dissect your thoughts without judgement resisting the urge to attach to them. You only need to decide if they are reasoned and serve you. Let go what doesn’t.

 

Anytime you feel yourself disconnected stop for a moment. Just breathe focusing on the air entering and leaving your lungs. Close your eyes if you wish. Open them and look around. Feel the earth beneath your feet. Open your senses to the world. Seek out nature whenever you can. The natural world will centre you and restore harmony. Be at peace, calm, passive in the world.

 

Watch the full episode with Dr. Bruce Lipton for FREE: https://londonreal.tv/dr-bruce-lipton…

 

Blue Shadow

Patience. They’ll be here in a moment. You seem a bit on edge.” – Obi-Wan Kenobi

There’s a good chance we’re about to destroy all life on this planet, including ours, and the senator’s. So yes, I’m a little on edge. Why aren’t you?” – Anakin Skywalker

I’m just better at hiding it.” – Obi-Wan Kenobi  (Blue Shadow Virus, S1, EP17 The Clone Wars)

 

The Blue Shadow Virus was a biological weapon that was developed by a mad scientist in the employ of the Separatist confederacy for use in the Clone Wars. The strain of virus was extremely deadly and quickly killed any living thing it encountered. As a result the Republic treated the virus very seriously and mobilised the Jedi to counter and eliminate the threat at all costs.

 

Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker were sent to Naboo to deal with the threat and succeeded however some of the virus was released in an underground laboratory infecting Ahsoka Tano, Padmé Amidala and several Clone Troopers. The race was on to find a cure. At the outset Obi-Wan Kenobi kept his calm while Anakin fearing for the safety of Padmé and his Padawan,  panicked.  The two characters reactions to the Blue Shadow virus typified human nature when presented with a crisis.

 

Two days ago I observed a type of panic which would not have been so unusual if it had not involved people frantically buying rolls of toilet paper in bulk quantities. There was something hilarious but also deeply disconcerting about it. Adults were fighting over large packets of toilet roll and filling their shopping trolleys until the bundles started to topple out in a mad confusion of toilet paper. A roll that had escaped from its packaging unwound itself down an aisle, disappearing under a shelving rack. The sight was comical yet bizarre. What struck me about this scene was the symbolism and my own creeping panic which I struggled to suppress.

 

Three ply scented toilet paper is the mark of an advanced industrial society seemingly under threat. Fifty years ago it was seen as a luxury, whereas today it is seen as the symbol of human dependence on what is safe, familiar and expedient. What I was observing in that store was a type of mass irrational fear in action. Fear for the safety of ourselves and those close to us can drive us to desperate, even insane measures. My mind began to race, should I grab as many rolls as I could before the last one vanished from the supermarket aisles forever? I suddenly realised, this was the type of moral panic Douglas Adams would’ve parodied, holding a mirror up to society. Obi-Wan’s words came in my head and my inner Jedi was restored. Things returned to their normal perspective. The melee over toilet paper continued behind me as I walked away.

 

Over the next 48 hours approximately 3,000 people died of cancer in the US alone. Another 17,000 mostly children had died of malnutrition worldwide. Malaria had killed 2,400 people and the common flu had taken the lives of over 2,000 worldwide without counting the new strain of coronavirus.

 

Two days later I am at work and the company has admitted that the economic implications of the coronavirus outbreak may end up costing us jobs. The reason? Market jitters and falling share prices due to lowered confidence and trading panic at the stock exchange. Commodity prices are beginning to falter. Fear and moral panic were to blame, not sick and dying people affected by a virus from China which had gripped the headlines and people’s minds since the beginning of the year. I don’t know how I will cope when its time to let people go because the business is no longer profitable.

 

Fear of the unknown can be crippling. When the unknown is invisible the fear is compounded. Ignorance is the ultimate multiplier as it always has been. The natural reaction is to imagine the worst possible outcomes which often leads to actions that make the situation worse not better. Irrational fear seems to be commonplace today. Moral panic pervades societal reactions to threats, real and imagined. We are driven to fear by our exposure to news headlines, instant messaging and social media posts. The source of our anxieties has evolved but the mechanics have remained unchanged. Humans remain a species that lives in perpetual fear of shadows and the dark imaginings of things beyond the recesses of our mind.

 

Being alcoholic I am still prone to catastrophic thinking and reacting without thinking things through. My decisions can be driven by emotions not reason. I awake at night from dreams that stir my anxiety. News reports will trigger an adrenal response. I will in turn be angry then fearful at something which I have no control over. During my years of active drinking I would rush out and stockpile booze not toilet paper when beset with moral panic. I came in to recovery recognising that this sort of reaction to the world was a mere symptom of the insanity of alcoholism.

 

Disproportionate response and irrationality is really just another way of saying we can’t handle what we can’t control. I do not belittle people who feel the compulsion to stockpile sanitary products when the world seems to be falling apart, I feel sorry for them. The behaviour is obviously a reaction to a deep seated fear of the unknown and impending change. Rather than sit around and do nothing, they observe what others are doing and mimic that behaviour. If people are stockpiling food or toilet paper, so will they. If people start to panic and loot they will likely follow suit.

 

No one can say where the current pandemic sweeping the world will lead. We can imagine that it could be as bad as the Spanish Influenza epidemic of 1918. The virus spread to all corners of the world and killed more people in a single year than died during the First World War. I somehow doubt it will come to that, we live in different times. At the time of writing less than 100,000 people have been infected although the number of unreported cases is likely far higher, the world is not falling apart, not yet at least. Compared to the Blue Shadow Virus, SARs COVID-19 appears like a particularly nasty strain of the flu, not an existential threat that will kill everything it touches.

 

Obi-Wan Kenobi and Ahsoka Tano were able to retain their composure and focus on the things they could control when confronted with the deadly threat of the Blue Shadow Virus. When Padmé was infected she showed true courage, dignity and decorum in knowing that she would die and remain entombed forever in isolation to prevent the disease breaking out. Anakin Skywalker had surrendered to panic and was quickly bought back to his right mind by Kenobi before he reacted impulsively and put more lives at risk. At the last moment the threat was contained by clear thinking and a vaccine appeared saving the galaxy.

 

None of this is to say that the coronavirus is not serious. There is no intent to try to diminish the pain and anguish that people have experienced at the loss of loved ones. It may turn out to be very bad with millions of fatalities. Conversely it could be resolved within months. Humans are resilient and reason can prevail. Fear and panic will not resolve the issue or make it better it will only make it worse.

 

Keep it simple. One day at a time. Inform yourself from reliable sources, not click bait and rumour. Wash your hands and maintain good hygiene. Exercise normal every day caution. Focus on the things you can control which are ultimately your own impressions, choices and actions.


 

Failure

“Epic Fail”

 

The greatest teacher, failure is” – Yoda

 

I used to be terrified of failure. That fear would prevent me from starting or following up on many things. I would rather not try than fail. It was only when I faced that fear and found it was an illusion that I succeeded. At times I failed as well. How I dealt with that failure was mostly up to me. I needed improvement there. I had to remind myself, failure is normal. Failure is a teacher. Why do we have such a hard time with it?

 

People fail because of things which they have no control over. People also fail because of their own choices.  They let themselves down through a defeatist mindset, laziness or lack of commitment and motivation.  Whatever the reason, failure need not be a permanent set back.

 

That is why you Fail” – Yoda

 

 

Epic Fails

Pragmatists and realists accept failure as a reality of life. They realize that failure will occur to the best of people. Babe Ruth struck out 1330 times in his career. Mohammed Ali was defeated in the ring 5 times. Neither are remembered for their failures but for their ability to shrug off setbacks. Mohammed Ali never talked himself into losing and every failure in and out of the ring was seen as an opportunity to get better. Babe Ruth coined the line “Never let the fear of striking out get in your way”.

 

The story of the Jedi Order  is a tale of epic failure. The failings of the Jedi had disastrous consequences. The Jedi Order also left behind valuable lessons to those who came after. On Ahch-To the Force Ghost of Yoda appears to Luke and teaches him some of those valuable lessons. Yoda reminds Luke that it is alright to accept his failures. It is also essential to learn from them and move on. This revelation allowed Luke to free himself of his struggle, find balance and unite with the Force.

 

You want to go home and rethink your life.” – Obi-wan Kenobi

 

Reverse Clause

The Jedi used the “Mind Trick” to distort the perceptions of those they wanted to act or think in a certain way. The “Mind Trick” was used by the Jedi to avoid resorting to violence by re-framing the perceptions of their target. We can’t use the Jedi Mind Trick on people but we can use reasoning in any situation. We can use logic to persuade others to see our side. How often do we use these tools on ourselves?

 

The “Reverse Clause” is a mind hack that allows us to flip any situation on its head and look at failure from an entirely different angle. How we react to any set of circumstances is completely within our control. We can choose to react with emotion or with calm equanimity and acceptance. We can tell ourselves that a failure is a disaster or an opportunity. No given situation requires us to act one way or another but how we do is a matter of choice. This is a form of Jedi Mind Trick, there is no trick behind it. We are what we tell ourselves every day.

 

Many of the truths that we cling to depend on our point of view.” – Obi-Wan Kenobi

 

Jocko

What if any failure could be redefined as “Good”? What if every failure was seen as a Master Jedi who has suddenly appeared to teach a lesson? Wouldn’t that be the ultimate Jedi Mind Trick?

 

The former US Navy SEAL, MMA coach, podcaster and author  Jocko Willink does exactly that. Every failure is seen as a lesson and an opportunity to do better. Rather than allow himself to dwell on the failure, he immediately frames it with the word “Good”. Jocko uses the “Reverse Clause” of the Stoics before the failure can mark him. Instead he finds the silver lining in failure and mines it like a raw material. As a result he can quickly move towards a solution that works to turn the failure in to success.

 

Indeed, no one can thwart the purposes of your mind—for they can’t be touched by fire, steel, tyranny, slander, or anything.” – Marcus Aurelius

 

Get After It

 

In the face of failure take Jocko’s advice:

  1. Get Up: In other words take the hit but instead of staying down, Get Up.
  2. Dust Off: Take a moment to assess the situation. Be Humble. Avoid reacting. Be mindful in your response.
  3. Reload: Tool up “mentally”. Regroup. Decide to act or withdraw.
  4. Recalibrate: Check yourself and adjust as needed. Get Ready. Learn from your mistakes and apply. Focus.
  5. Reengage: Get back in to the fray. Do or do not.
  6. Attack: Confront the situation with purpose and intent. Get after it.

 

Failure provides an opportunity to improvise, learn and get better. That is what Yoda was telling Luke. Say “Good” and get after it.

 

Good!

“I lost my work”.

Good. Chance to start fresh and write a better paper. This time I will be sure to back it up.

 

“Got fired from my job today”.

Good. I can do better. One door closes another opens.

 

“I blew my job interview”.

Good. I’ll look for a better one and improve on my interview skills. I will be better prepared.

 

“I failed my exam”.

Good. I will study harder and pass next time.

 

“I got into an argument and said some cruel things”.

Good. An opportunity to make amends and practice humility.

 

“My performance review went terribly”

Good. Someone shared with me some shortcomings I was blind to and can now add to the list to work on.

 

“My girlfriend / boyfriend dumped me”.

Good. Was not meant to be then.  There is someone better for me.

 

“I got injured while training”.

Good. I’ll rest up, regroup, plan and start training again as soon as I can.

 

“I drank / drugged last night”.

Good. It’s not the end of the world. Now I know how bad that feels and why sobriety is a thousand times better. I will work the steps harder and help another alcoholic / addict.

 

 

Blame

Darth Sidious at Nuremburg

 

It’s all Obi-wan’s fault. He’s jealous. He’s holding me back!” – Anakin “The Clone Wars”

 

You turned her against me!” – Anakin (to Obi-wan Kenobi on Mustafar) “Revenge of the Sith”

You have done that yourself.” – Obi-wan Kenobi

 

Blame. Was Darth Vader to blame for the destruction of Alderaan?

The Death Star was the greatest weapon ever devised. The sheer scale and power of the Death Star was unimaginable. The audacity and ambition that went in to its conception, design and construction was beyond anything ever attempted. Despite all of the technology, terror and control the Emperor wielded his forces had suffered humiliating defeats at the hands of the rag tag Rebel Force.

This was unacceptable, someone had to be blamed and punished. A swift and terrible punishment was needed. The Death Star moved towards Alderaan to exact “justice”. What happened next has been the subject of debate and controversy for decades.

 

I should conclude that our demonstration was as impressive as it was thorough.” – Darth Vader (on the destruction of Alderaan) “A New Hope”.

 

 

“Don’t Blame Me”

I often think about causality and blame. The two are often conflated but they are not the same thing. In my work I often deal with incidents. A mishap will occur and a as a consequence there will be some sort of loss such as an injury, equipment damage or environmental impact. An investigation will be launched to determine cause. This search for causality can often end up becoming a witch hunt.

A blame culture exists in society today which demands the allocation of blame for every fault. Causality is reduced to quickly assigning blame and meting out punishment. The result is resentment and conflict.

 

Whenever you find yourself blaming providence, turn it around in your mind and you will see that what has happened is in keeping with reason” – Epictetus

 

 

Wet the Bed, Blame the Blanket

Blame is a trait unique to human beings. There is nothing in the animal kingdom that even closely resembles it. If a dog pees on the carpet it is not going to try to deflect blame on to a two year old child. A few years ago I would have gladly passed on blame to the dog if I had had an “unfortunate accident” while completely inebriated. I was the person who would willingly pass blame on others and then ultimately finding reason for guilt, self loathing and self pity, blame myself begrudgingly without learning a thing.

No one blames others like an Alcoholic. We are true professionals in the blame game.  If we wet the bed, we blamed the blanket. If we wet the carpet we blamed the dog.

Alcoholism and all the dysfunctional and destructive habits that stem from it are not accidental and don’t arise by themselves. Someone or something, we reason, must be to blame. Where there is pain, loss and suffering there must be a reason and someone to blame. We blame our parents, partners, friends, co-workers, upbringing, education or lack of. If nothing else, God, fate or providence can be blamed.

So why do people so readily choose to assign blame? Does it make any difference? Will blaming others or even ourselves for misfortune help? Does it right the wrong?

 

As a mountain of rock is unshaken by wind, so also, the wise are unperturbed by blame or by praise.” – Buddha

 

 

Survival Mode

I learned the meaning of blame, guilt and punishment as a child. Living with siblings we were quick to blame each other to avoid parental wrath. Children naturally seek favor. If a parent seeks to punish a sibling for a misdeed perhaps it will make the other child look better. No one wants to be punished for something they didn’t do and will avoid punishment for something they did, if possible. Blame can be used to absolve oneself of any responsibility by passing it on.

Sometimes blame is necessary for survival. Living in a catholic orphanage taught me to be a survivor. The Nuns would constantly seek out scape goats among the children in their care. A misdeed or grievous sin would be uncovered and the culprits sought out. Collective punishment would be dispensed unless a confessor came forward to claim responsibility and penance. Ultimately those responsible and on the sidelines of the trivial matter (stolen sweets or similar) would begin to blame each other until the shell of lies and denial cracked and confessions came flooding out in waves of helpless tears.

Children under the age of ten and as young as five were forced to denounce each other and hide behind a layer of mistrust and suspicion in order to avoid physical and mental abuse. By the age of eight I had developed a keen ability to liar, deceive, cheat, con and hide the truth. I was very quick to blame anyone but myself.

 

It is easy to see the faults of others. But difficult to see one’s own faults” – Buddha

 

We care to Admit

My blame mentality blossomed during my drinking career. Every lost job, black eye, broken relationship, falling out, argument and hangover was blamed on anything but my own actions. I saw my anger, resentments, belligerency, aggression and selfishness as natural and proportionate responses to life. Misfortunes were not my fault there was always someone else to blame. This mindset keeps us in denial and ultimately in addiction. I had however stopped fooling others. I was only fooling myself.

The blame mentality does not seek to rectify and remedy but incriminate and punish. Deep down we know the truth and the truth is no one is to blame when things are just the way they are. All we need is the power to admit it.

 

Today I escaped from the crush of circumstances, or better put, I threw them out, for the crush wasn’t from outside me but in my own assumptions.” – Marcus Aurelius

 

Taking Action

When we wake up to the truth and look for cause instead of blame we can begin to take action. Seeking causality allows us to understand the problem, quantify the effect and identify solutions that resolve the issue, not compound it. What it takes is a willingness to admit our own faults, acknowledge the harm done, clarify and seek to make amends and forgive others for the role they played.

Once we isolate the cause of our problems we can avoid falling back in to the blame game. Some times blame is reasonable and justified as long as causality is established. The end goal should be to address cause, take action and finally move on. Let’s consider a scenario that helps illustrate this point. Imagine two people who have been drinking at separate bars get in to their cars at the same time and decide to drive home. Along the way, they meet.

 

What are conflict, dispute, blame, accusation, irreverence and frivolity? They are all opinions, and more than that, they are opinions that lie outside of our reasoned choice” – Epictetus

 

 

T-Boned

The first drunk gets in to his car and some miles on drives through a red light and hits another car driven by the second drunk who is speeding. Who and what is to blame for the resulting injuries and damage?

The first drunk may tell the court that he got laid off from work and had had an argument with his wife and decided to go to a bar. He may also offer that the driver of the other vehicle shared blame as he should have slowed on approaching the intersection instead of speeding and was also drunk at the time. Those are excuses and opinions, not causes.

Ultimately the cause of the accident was the running of the red light. The conscious decision taken by the driver to drive while intoxicated led to a lapse in judgement. The first driver was found to be responsible for causing the accident through his actions. The second driver was responsible for driving whilst under the influence but shared no responsibility for causing the accident. Recognition of blame either way is voluntary. We see it all the time in the court rooms. People will accept a fine or a prison term but not the blame. Causality establishes blame whether a person accepts it or not.

 

You must stop blaming God, and not blame any person. You must no longer feel anger, resentment, envy or regret.” – Epictetus

 

 

No Blame

Even now if I don’t get my way I look for blame. Alcoholics have a reactive attitude; we are prone to extremes of emotions. I have to rein myself in and to avoid jumping to conclusions, making assumptions and playing the blame game. Introspection and self reflection is required. The goal of causality is to gain knowledge. Ask yourself these questions when looking to blame:

 

What happened?

Why did it occur? (Ask why five times to get to the root cause).

What is my role in this?

How can I / we remedy it or make amends?

How can I / we prevent this from happening again?

What can I / we learn from this?

 

Blame is not sought. Why looks for cause, not blame. How and what energizes action and focuses on solutions. Not everything in life is as simple as a T-bone at an intersection. Cause and effect can be more subtle and complex. As an alcoholic I have to keep things simple and ask “what role have I played in this?” If I am accountable I admit it and accept the consequences of my actions. I seek to make amends, learn from my mistake and resolve to do better.

In other words…if you are pointing a finger at someone, there are three fingers pointing back at you. Hesitate before blaming.

 

In a way, you have determined the choice of the planet that’ll be destroyed first. Since you are reluctant to provide us with the location of the Rebel base, I have chosen to test this station’s destructive power… on your home planet of Alderaan.” – Tarkin “A New Hope”.

 

 

Alderaan

So can we blame Darth Vader for the destruction of Alderaan and the death of two billion “innocent” sentient beings living on the planet when the Death Star opened fire?

At the beginning of “A New Hope” the Tantive IV was intercepted by the Imperial Star Destroyer Devastator, boarded and seized by Darth Vader. As part of the operation Senator Leia Organa of Alderaan was captured and accused of being a Rebel agent.  In order to reveal the greater conspiracy against the Empire, Leia was interrogated. When that failed they threatened her home planet with annihilation if she did not cooperate.

The final order to fire was given by Admiral Tarkin, not Darth Vader. The target was selected because it was Leia’s home and because the Imperial command had enough evidence to consider Alderaan a willing party to the Rebellion and therefore an enemy. This fact does not does not absolve Darth Vader from guilt but it brings “blame” in to doubt.

Darth Vader was tasked by the Emperor to recover the stolen blue prints of the Death Star and eliminate any direct threat posed by the Rebels. Vader was also the Emperors apprentice and watchdog on the Death Star to oversee its commissioning. While Tarkin gave the order to fire on Alderaan he did so with the tacit approval of Vader. Tarkin may have been in command of the Death Star but Darth Vader held the strings and had ultimate power to veto any command Tarkin made.

The Dark Lord could have killed Tarkin with complete impunity should he have desired. Leia knew this and always blamed the destruction of Alderaan on Darth Vader.

 

If we would lean this way, whenever we fail, and would blame only ourselves and remember that nothing but opinion is the cause of a troubled mind and uneasiness, then by God, I swear we would be making progress”. – Epictetus

 

 

Lessons learned

I’m not sure how a trial at an intergalactic tribunal for war crimes would have played out. If they had survived and been prosecuted for war crimes, Tarkin, Vader and Palpatine would have all shared responsibility in the heinous acts of the Empire including the destruction of Alderaan. Had a tribunal been staged by the New Republic it may have been enlightened enough to determine why it happened and understand the reasons for that.

The Republic would have avoided embarking on a “Witch Hunt” bent on blame and revenge and instead sought reason and justice. While it would be small compensation for the loss of life on Alderaan, lessons would have been learned from the tragedy. Those lessons may have been used to prevent history from ever being repeated.

Blame does little more than keep wounds open. Worse it adds salt to them. Reconciliation, harmony and peace are impossible with blame. Addressing cause, acknowledging suffering and accepting responsibility not only reconciles it lifts people to a higher place and bridges differences. Knowledge is gained, justice is served. Isn’t that after all the Jedi way? If we all avoided blame perhaps the world would be a better place.

 

There is no ignorance there is knowledge” – Jedi Code

 

 

Blame by Threepio

C3PO had a built in blame mentality chip as part of its personality algorithms. This was due to the lack of defensive weaponry integrated in to protocol droids. Protocol units were completely unarmed and expected to be able to use negotiating and reasoning skills to stay out of trouble. When confronted with specific threats or fault the protocol was to resort to blame. R2D2 provided a convenient target for blame.

I wonder if the Threepio and Artoo were in a co-dependent relationship but that is for another article.

 

Don’t blame me.  I’m an interpreter. I’m not supposed to know a power socket from a computer terminal.”

“That malfunctioning little twerp (Artoo). This is all his fault! He tricked me into going this way, but he’ll do no better.”  

“It wasn’t my fault, sir. Please don’t deactivate me. I told him (Artoo) not to go, but he’s faulty, malfunctioning; kept babbling on about his mission.”  

“Deactivate! Well, on the other hand if you hadn’t removed his (Artoo’s) restraining bolt…”  

“I would much rather have gone with Master Luke than stay here with you (Artoo). I don’t know what all the trouble is about, but I’m sure it must be your fault.”  

“Listen to them! They’re dying, Artoo! Curse my metal body! I wasn’t fast enough. It’s all my fault! My poor master!”  

“Help! I think I’m melting! (to Artoo)This is all your fault.”  

I don’t know what all this trouble is about, but I’m sure it must be your (Artoo) fault.”

Exile

In to Exile I must go. Failed I have.” – Yoda

Exile is a harsh punishment often inflicted on people who have been forced to leave their homes. The choice to remain can be fraught with danger. Stay and face persecution or death or be uprooted and cast in to the Diaspora.

In recent years we have seen a surge in the number of people fleeing war, oppression, cultural upheaval, environmental degradation and poverty. There is a gravitational pull towards the west and the north as those places offer a measure of safety, financial security and welfare lacking in poorer countries. Many immigrants and refugees arrive in the new lands and many become disillusioned. The promise of a better life often fails to materialize. The tug of home conflicts with the desire to stay.

Our native soil draws all of us, by I know not what sweetness, and never allows us to forget.” – Publius Ovidius Naso

 

Land Lost

Exile has always been a part of the world. It follows on the heels of any sweeping change that befalls a country where events favor one group over another. Refugees are the living and desperate flotsam of war. Waves of peoples fleeing death and destruction in their homelands and seeking safe haven in a strange land is one of the faces of war.

The goal of the refugee has always been to return home and rebuild. In the past people held a strong bond to their homeland. The land that nurtured them was a part of who they were. A person’s identity was their culture, language, history, the land that carried their buried ancestors. The land was the mother that nurtured the people.

Identity creates an emotional and spiritual link to the ancestral land. This connection endures even to those born in the Diaspora who struggle with their identity. The desire to return and find home is an intangible tug for exiles.

“All writers–all beings–are exiles as a matter of course. The certainty about living is that it is a succession of expulsions of whatever carries the life force…All writers are exiles wherever they live and their work is a lifelong journey towards the lost land..” – Janet Frame

 

The Damned

The Stoic Philosophers Epictetus and Seneca were exiled by Roman Emperors. The Emperor Domitian banished all Philosophers from Rome. Nero massacred many. The rise of Christianity saw the banishment of classical Philosophers. Through the centuries exile was used as means to silence opposing and dissenting views. Soviet Russia and Nazi Germany forced many Philosophers to flee in to exile or forced in to concentration camps.

Exile can shape and define a person in different ways. For some it is a calamity to great to recovery from. For others it is a catalyst for growth. It was in exile that the ideas and talents of many Philosophers, Writers and Poets begin to blossom.

Socrates was never an exile but lived as one in his native Athens. The father of Western Philosophy held that all Philosophers should suffer exile at least once in their life. The existential catharsis that comes from being uprooted and foreign in a strange land would do the Philosopher good.

“Copper sun sinking low
Scatterlings and fugitives
Hooded eyes and weary brows
Seek refuge in the night”

 – Juluka “Scatterlings of Africa”.

 

Scatterlings

Exile is a recurring theme in Star Wars. After Palpatine released Order 66 resulting in the great purge of the Jedi Order and the rise of the Empire, those who survived the onslaught fled in to exile. Kenobi fled in to obscurity in the outer rim. Yoda waited on Dagobah for prophesy to be realized. The few Jedi and fledgling rebellion were scattered to all corners of the galaxy, relentlessly hunted by Darth Vader.

Exile grounded Obi-Wan Kenobi. In exile Kenobi found a new purpose and honed his skills in the Force. Yoda also became stronger and wiser in seclusion on Dagobah. The decades that passed were to their advantage. The day would come when they would have a sweeping impact on events and in their own way finally return home.

Luke Skywalker exiled himself to the remote planet of Ahch-To, The Last Jedi abandoned his family and friends vanishing as a new dark force arose in the galaxy. Fleeing his responsibilities he still chose an ancient Jedi temple to hide out as a recluse. This seems at odds with someone who wants to run away from his past and severe all ties. Why run to something familiar unless there is aching regret?

Unlike the Jedi who fled the power of the Empire, Luke was trying to flee himself. The guilt and remorse he felt for past mistakes effectively crippled his spirit and extinguished his flame. Luke was unable to function as a Jedi Master so he chose self exile as a punishment for his failures rather than rising above them.

“This is the most immediate fruit of exile, of uprooting: the prevalence of the unreal over the real. Everyone dreamed past and future dreams, of slavery and redemption, of improbable paradises, of equally mythical and improbable enemies; cosmic enemies, perverse and subtle, who pervade everything like the air.” – Primo Levi

 

Geography

In the recovery community you will sometimes hear the term “geographic solution”. Alcoholics have a habit of running away (literally) from their problems rather than facing up to them. They will isolate themselves from the people in their lives, change jobs suddenly, start and quit projects and sometimes vanish in a form of self exile.

My Father was such an alcoholic and addicted to the “geographic solution”. The next town or place will be better. A fresh start is all that was needed. Moving to a new place may work for a short time but eventually an immutable fact remains; wherever you go, there you are. If you are fleeing yourself you will find that no running away will solve that until the day you change yourself.

Luke may have sought to somehow redeem himself on Ahch-To. Perhaps he felt that his presence at home was so toxic that he needed to be away from everyone and everything in order not to ruin their lives. How often do we see alcoholic parents abandon their children for exactly the same reason? Out of some desperate need they think that removing themselves will save others. They fail to see the real way out.

The arrival of Rey was the spark that ignited a fire. Luke was forced to confront his past and deal with it. The truth of his actions was laid bare and he had to admit it at last. The final confrontation with his past was the shove that Luke needed to get past the rut he had found himself in. Once free of that burden Luke was able to transcend to a new level. Luke was able to be his true self and become one with the Force. Luke finally came home.

“Happiness is not only a hope, but also in some strange manner a memory … we are all kings in exile.” – GK Chesterton

 

Shallow Roots

I would not know what it is like to be an Exile in the classical sense as I never had roots to begin with thanks to an itinerant drunken Father. As long as I was aware of place I was always on the move. It was with this sense of having no “home” that I left the confines of childhood and set myself adrift in the world for many years. There were no roots to rip up. “Walking away” was easy.

Despite forever feeling the “stranger”, the “outsider” and the “other” my entire childhood and much of my adult life I always felt there was a place I belonged. Not knowing where felt like a gaping hole in my soul. I spent years searching. My travels took me across continents.

I sought a place I could call “home” and at last put down roots. What I was actually seeking was my own identity. I did not know who I was, what I was meant for or where my place was. I was Lost and tried to fill that hole with booze.

What I found on the road was frustration, anger, hate and suffering. Eventually I found that exile and separation is a state of being not a place. A personal catharsis is needed in that vital experience of exile to come home.

“Exile is not a time frame. Exile is an experience. It’s a sentiment.” – Marco Rubio

 

The Road to Damascus

The Bible tells the story of Paul. On the road to Damascus he is confronted by a vision of Jesus and “blinded”. Later as a newly converted Christian, Paul’s sight was restored. Forced in to exile he began the work of spreading the gospel until he was eventually martyred by the Romans like so many other Philosophers Christian and Pagan before and after.

I don’t know if the character named Saul existed or whether his catharsis on the road to Damascus and conversion as Paul was an illustrative parable of the power of epiphany leading to a radical shift in perception and character.  Saul led a selfish life that was blind to the suffering of others.

Saul was also blind to the hate and anger in his own heart and his spiritual void. Something huge happened on the road to Damascus that led to a blinding revelation and a deflation of ego. Paul emerged, a new man entirely devoid of his old character. With the hate, anger and fear stripped away Paul found “God” was there all along within him. Free of separation, Paul had found home.

Everyone must come out of his Exile in his own way.” – Martin Buber

 

Finding Home

My lack of identity of course was never the want for a physical location to call “home”. Like Paul I simply needed to find my own inner truth. I needed to learn who I truly was. I did not find it on some road in a physical sense but by facing myself, overcoming denial and surrendering my problems to a Higher Power. After decades lost I finally found home. Had I never experienced a type of personal and spiritual exile I would never had become that person. Socrates was right.

Exile need not be seen as a negative experience. Being driven from home can be traumatic but also cathartic. In exile one can sink in to despair or rise above the experience and become a better person. Philosophers like Epictetus and Seneca thrived in exile. Like the protagonist in Campbell’s “A Heroes Journey” the Exile is also on a journey that ends with the final and victorious return home.

“Exile is a dream of a glorious return. Exile is a vision of revolution: Elba, not St Helena. It is an endless paradox: looking forward by always looking back. The exile is a ball hurled high into the air. ” – Salman Rushdie

Build Resilience: Be Indifferent

Calm, at peace, passive” – Yoda

I try hard to be indifferent. This might raise eyebrows. Tell anyone you are indifferent and they immediately make the assumption that you don’t care. Being indifferent does not mean you don’t care. It means that you can care about something without attaching emotion to it. It means being without passion for that thing and free of the suffering of grasping attachment.

Building resilience and being a resilient person is about being able to accept that life is not fair. It is about being able to absorb punishment, loss and disappointment and brush it off. A resilient person knows that fate is uncertain. Life can be kind and cruel. With one hand it gives and then takes with the other.

The Taoist sage Chuang Tzu said that life is made up of 10,000 joys and sorrows. The nature of samsara means that we are caught in a karmic cycle of joy and sorrow for eternity or until we reach union with the Force. We experience painful times, happiness, laughter, victory and bliss but also sadness, grief, frustration, disappointment and despair. These experiences are a part of the human condition and we grow because of them. Through growth, understanding and compassion some of us achieve a sense of equanimity in our lives. We become indifferent and in doing so become free.

 

Compassion

Attachment is forbidden. Possession is forbidden. Compassion, which I would define as unconditional love, is essential to a Jedi’s life. So you might say, that we are encouraged to love.” – Anakin

Being indifferent and having compassion is the middle way. The road is the one that is traveled by spiritual seekers. It is a path that I embrace as a 12 Step Jedi.

Compassion is not to be confused with passion. Compassion means “loving kindness”, empathy and concern for others without attachment and suffering. Passion is the antonym of compassion. Compassion comes from the soul while passion come from the heart. Love that is born of passion is grasping and fears loss. It leads to suffering. Compassion is free of bonds and fear and sets free.

 

Passion

There is no passion, there is serenity” – Jedi Code

Epictetus said that all things outside of us are made up of the preferred and the non-preferred indifferent. Nothing is agreeable or disagreeable on its own. Only our impressions attached to that thing make it so. No one wants to lose their job, fall ill, and break up with a person they love or lose a loved one. The emotions that we attach to these events, grief, sadness, anger and denial are normal and healthy. Where they become excessive and cause us and others to suffer needlessly is when they become harmful.

What are you passionate about? I have to say I am passionate about nothing. I can’t afford to be. Alcohol was my passion and I know where that leads. Passion leads to desire then dependence which leads to fear and suffering.

Passion means “to suffer”. It is another word which has been misrepresented through the ages. Jesus faced his passion on the cross. It was through his pain and torment that the Bible tells us that he was able to transcend this material world and become one with God.

Those that have hit “rock bottom” realize a similar passion. It is by hitting “rock bottom” that they find the way out of the hell of addiction and abuse. By going through the darkness and pain we come out the other side to the light.

 

Preferences

“Strength of mind rests in sobriety; for this keeps your reason unclouded by passion.” – Pythagoras

Naturally we prefer that life is good to us and those we love. Ask most people what they would wish for and it would be along the lines of “world peace, happiness and prosperity”. Our preference is in those things that make life pleasurable and fulfilled. We can also become attached to pleasures and sensations. When those attachments become too great they can become a source of suffering.

Addiction is an extreme of attachment. An addict seeks to experience the elusive feeling of bliss and contentment that the drug provides. The sensation is pleasurable but the consequence is suffering. Anyone who has been dependent on anything or suffered an addiction knows very well the terrible cycle of desire, pleasure and regret followed by desire. We lived in abuse on a perpetual Merry-Go round that would not let us get off.

The way to get off the ride and be rid of the insanity is to realize what passion is and let it go.

 

Upekkhā

Equanimity is calamity’s medicine.” – Pubililius Syrus

The Buddhists use the idea of upekkhā (equanimity) to describe the state of being unwavering, unconcerned and neutral in the face of the eight worldly concerns (gain/loss, praise/blame, pleasure/pain, fame/dishonor).

A bodhisattva who practices the Eight Verses for Training the Mind begins to approach upekkhā. The path to enlightenment is followed for the betterment of all living things. Before one can even get close to upekkhā they must renounce worldly pleasures. Through long practice on the path, the bodhisattva cultivates equanimity and mental resilience.

 

Apatheia

The good are virtues and that share in them; the bad are the vices and all that indulge them; the indifferent lie in between the virtue and vice” – Epictetus

The Stoics speak of Apatheia, a type of indifference similar to upekkhā. Not to be confused with the modern mistranslation “apathy”. Apatheia suffered the same indignity of being deprived of its true meaning as did the word stoic.

Apatheia is a form of indifference as the Pagan Greeks and Romans knew it. A Stoic was able to engage in political or philosophical debate with someone who disagreed with his ideas and remain completely detached from the emotion of the debate. Truths and ideas were valued by the Stoics, not who was right or wrong or had the last word. Right and wrong were irrelevant.

In  Apatheia there are only the preferred and non-preferred indifferent. The person arguing with the Stoic may get flustered, angry and even abusive but the Stoic remains calm and indifferent. The only thing that matters is virtue.

 

Calm, at peace, passive

Imagine being like that? Always “calm, at peace, passive”? Wouldn’t it be wonderful to be free of the suffering? We could truly care for all things but not let things out of our control charge our emotions in destructive or unproductive ways. Without the passion.

To be in a mental and spiritual state which is indifferent to pain, to injury and insults, to success or failure, poverty or riches, health or illness. This is the essence of indifference. Accept what is with resolve and resilience. With an indifferent mind we can look beyond our failings and shortcomings as well as our successes, triumphs and failures. Indifference removes the emotions and the attachments and then we can learn, heal and grow.

 

Source: Lucas Films

Learning Indifference

Pass on what you have learned. Strength. Mastery. But weakness, folly, failure also. Yes, failure most of all. The greatest teacher, failure is.” – Yoda

 

My problem is that I try too hard to be indifferent. Ironically I suffer by applying effort in to being indifferent. My decisions to being indifferent are based on avoidance and struggle rather than acceptance. This brings on resistance and suffering. The feelings of equanimity and calm that should come with indifference elude me. I am beginning to understand now that the ego is at play. The ego has a way of tricking us.

The ego is ever present and in perpetual struggles with the inner and silent self that resides within. Ego is selfish and screams like a petulant inner child when it does not get the attention it wants or the last word. Indifference as most people understand it comes from the ego.

The inner self is an observer. It watches with indifference and non-attachment yet from it springs all the boundless love and compassion that we feel and know to be our true self.  The self wants us to realize our true nature not by force but through gentle awakening. That is the difference between indifference and apathy. One comes from the true self, the other from the ego.

 

Choose Lightly

How do we practice indifference? Whatever hand fate deals treat it with indifference. As Luke Skywalker did simply brush it off. Wear life like a loose cloak.

Continue to prefer what is preferable. Choose richer before poorer, health over sickness, success over failure, choose life over death. But be prepared for the non preferred and the unexpected and unintended vicissitudes of life. Make the most of them too and learn because it is the hard times that we truly test our virtues and apply our principles. It is in battle that we shine and become resilient.

“Pain is slight if opinion has added nothing to it;… in thinking it slight, you will make it slight. Everything depends on opinion; ambition, luxury, greed, hark back to opinion. It is according to opinion that we suffer…. So let us also win the way to victory in all our struggles, – for the reward is… virtue, steadfastness of soul, and a peace that is won for all time.” – Seneca

 

Further Reading

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F by Mark Manson

Build Resilience: Be Realistic

Many of the truths that we cling to depend on our point of view.” – Obi-Wan Kenobi

One of the mistakes I made when starting this journey was aiming for perfection. I wanted perfect practice. My principles had to be applied consistently and without fault. I became a religious zealot and almost fanatical in my approach to my recovery. Of course I could only sustain that for a short period of time. I grew frustrated that I could not always get my own way. Resentment and anger followed. I had to learn to be realistic with myself. Recovery requires a “take it easy” approach of just following the process and doing the work. That process turned out to be the gentle Middle Path.

We have to be realistic with ourselves and others. We cannot expect things to always turn out as we plan. Flexibility is a trait of the resilient person. Change is going to happen and you can either resist and fight it or adapt and live with it. Those that are resilient choose the latter.

No one is asking that we like everything that happens to us. Things happen in my life that suck which I cannot change. I have a hard enough time changing myself so what luck am I going to have changing people or circumstances. My happiness and progress in life should be independent of these things. By taking a pragmatic and realistic view we are less likely to be disappointed and more likely to contemplate, accept, adapt and bounce back.

No one can force perfection but we can accept things as they are.

 

Realism

“These thorns are all that is true, life is suffering, suffering is life, be happy with the small things that come to you” – Johnny Clegg & Savuka “African Dream”

Most recovered alcoholics and addicts I have met are realistic people. They can’t afford not to be. They may have spiritual ideas and beliefs but their feet are planted firmly on the ground. Life has made us that way because we lived in an illusion for so long and suffered for it. Experience has taught us the concept of dukkha and samsara. Suffering is life and life is suffering. Good things do come sometimes by chance but mostly through our own efforts.

Objectivity is also a Real World Jedi trait. We take an objective view of reality. Evidence based scientific method with healthy skepticism is generally accepted by Jedi. At the same time we accept that sometimes science has it wrong or lacks the answers we seek. We also cannot know all of reality. There are unknown unknowns and known unknowns. Reality also exists outside of the box of time and space. This we call the Force.

 

What Is

“Your eyes can deceive you; don’t trust them.” – Obi-wan Kenobi

What exists, exists independent of our views and conceptual ideas. A rock exists with or without our consent. The world revolves, the seasons change, things are born and die, a tree falls in the forest whether we are there to experience it or not. The past is gone beyond recall, the future is nothing more than an illusion and all that truly exists is the Now. The Now is where reality happens. The Force exists in and through all things.

Our senses provide us with awareness of the physical world. At the same time our senses are not always right or are incapable of sensing all of reality. We therefore only sense so much. Something deep within us knows that there is more to reality than what we can see, hear, touch and taste. We all have intuition, a knowing and impressions. When we take a moment to absorb a painting, a work of music, a star filled sky, a sunrise or a newborn child, something spiritual stirs within us and we know that we are more than “crude matter”. Our consciousness is present in the moment. We get a sense of a grander reality and who we really are.

 

In a Galaxy Far Away

“The Force will be my guide” –  Je’daii Lanoree “Into the Void”

The Jedi understood the chaotic nature of reality. They appreciated the randomness and unpredictability of events. In order to achieve their purpose they sought to balance the Force within themselves. Emotions were kept in check but not repressed. Opinions mattered but were not accepted as absolute truth. Absolutes were rejected and ideas welcomed and judged by their merits and not by prejudice.

Behind the chaos of reality was the duality of the Force, the energies emitted by the light and dark sides of Ashla and Bogan. The goal of the Jedi was to seek balance within themselves through the Force. By achieving balance they could come closer to bringing balance and harmony to the galaxy.

Those that achieved balance with the Force were united with it. Through transmutation of the physical to the Force they became one with it and achieved enlightenment. This is the Star Wars depiction of transcendence to perfection. It may be fiction but it is inspired by eastern and western philosophies and traditions that we can use in our own spiritual journey.

 

 

The Middle Way

“The Middle Path is the way to Freedom– Rumi

Seeking perfect practice backfired for me. I realized early in my recovery and now in my journey that perfection is a mirage. As we move closer to our idea of perfection we see it begin to vanish or move. Frustration replaces optimism. Fear begins to replace Faith and if we are not careful despair can overcome hope. I had to take the Middle Path and face reality or I risked falling back in to abuse.

Every day I see idealism taking precedent over realism in our society. I have largely tried to distance myself from the toxicity of it on the news and in social media. Dogmatic extremes shouting down rational and reasoned discourse has become the norm in our polarized world. Everything is out of balance. Realism has taken a back seat to extremism and the first casualties in this war have been objectivity, tolerance and global resilience.

The Buddha reminded us that we should all strive for enlightenment for the sake of all living things. Suffering is universal but with the right choices, it is optional. The Eight Fold Path can validate the Four Noble Truths in our lives and lead us out of suffering. At the same time the Buddha admonished those that chose the hard road to perfection. One who seeks enlightenment for his own sake can never find it. The Middle Way gives us a reality check. We can’t hope to progress with no effort or through a fanatical approach. Both lead to more suffering.

 

Transcend

“Luminous beings are we. Not this crude matter” – Yoda

Obi-Wan Kenobi, Yoda, Anakin and Luke Skywalker all transcended to the Force. Obi-Wan Kenobi and Yoda lived the Middle Path and transcended effortlessly. Anakin and Luke realized the truth more dramatically but it was their final acceptance of reality and surrender to the Force that led to their transcendence and enlightenment. They also chose the Noble Middle Path.

All humans have the potential to become enlightened but very few ever reach that summit of consciousness. Progress not perfection is the key in whatever journey we choose. Forgiving yourself for your mistakes and blunders will build resilience and compassion not anger and resentment. Accept that in reality things will rarely if ever go exactly as planned. We can only control our impressions, thoughts and opinions. What is not in our control is the body, circumstances, other people, money, status and the future. The important thing is using what we have to move forward in the Now. Faith, heart and resilience behind reason may not lead us to perfection but it will take us in that direction.

MTFBWY

 

Further Reading

“The Middle Way: Faith Grounded in Reason” by The Dalai Lama

Build Resilience: The Road Less Traveled

It is the rough road that leads to the heights of greatness.” – The Clone Wars “The Wrath of Ryloth       

In Seinfeld the character George Costanza discovers in an episode that doing the opposite of what he usually does opens doors for him. The lovable Loser realizes that he has been doing things predictably wrong his entire life. By doing the opposite of what he has always done, George suddenly starts to experience success in his life. It’s a staggering revelation. Being different, blazing your own trail and daring to walk the road less traveled may not be easy but it is worth it.

The Star Wars saga is about a young man who chooses not to conform. The myth follows the stages of the “Hero’s Journey”. On Tatooine, Luke dreams of leaving the planet and joining the Rebellion. There is a thirst, a call to adventure but he is tethered to his Uncles farm. Events out of his control but linked to him intervene. Luke is thrust in to an adventure and his life and the galaxy is forever changed.

Star Wars is full of those who choose not to conform and who choose to walk the road less traveled. In the Clone Wars, the Pirate Hondo quickly and easily switches sides and allegiances to suit his needs and ensure his survival and profitability. In one episode he is opposed to the Jedi and then as the situation changes he decides to help the Jedi without missing a beat. The Master Jedi Quinlan Vos also kept his fellow Jedi guessing with his unpredictable and unconventional style. There is no beaten path for the Resilient. Being resilient means being fluid, adaptable and being prepared to “take the road less traveled”.

 

“The Troubled One”

“Life is difficult.” – M.Scott Peck

My childhood was far from conventional. At times it was miserable but it was never boring or without drama. There was a drunken Father who became a widow and his children motherless. There were siblings in ill-fitting clothes shunted from home to home before they became separated. The endless moving from one place to another, one school to another. Shallow roots pulled up continuously until it seemed pointless to connect to any place or anyone. Being taken in to the care of the church, then the state and then back in to the Father’s.

Looking back it was a pitiful existence. “When I look back on my childhood I wonder how I managed to survive at all” is how Frank McCourt describes his childhood in “Angela’s Ashes”. I can relate to that. There was the hunger, fear and loneliness of neglect. The anger of betrayal and abuse. I fought a lot and ran away and was always in trouble. There were run ins with the law. Somehow my older brother kept me out of “Juvi” by beating some sense in to me.

I walked out of home as soon as I finished High School and joined the Army. Then there were the years of searching and roaming. Booze had now become the guiding path in my life. It buffered me from the world and put a wall up to others.

I would look at people who had the “normal” life and envy them while at the same time feeling resentment. They had a life I did not fit in to and I had had a life they could not understand. I was thrust on to my path and these people had choices. Not surprisingly I was different and always felt an outsider. Being a loner and an introvert I turned to alcohol in order to belong and be accepted. The feelings of awkwardness and inferiority were dispelled. I found that alcohol made me sociable and funny. All the sudden I was “normal” instead of being different.

 

The Long Road Back

“It is because of problems that we grow mentally and spiritually” – M.Scott Peck

Getting drunk and staying drunk for me was easy. No effort was required. There was no resistance although there was a degree of dissonance. Doubts were negated by a strong mental compulsion to take the easy path. Being sober and living by principle is hard in comparison.

Sobriety is walking a long and winding road back from despair and hopelessness. The path is one that is rocky and often a steep climb with lots of trips and falls. We stagger on. It takes discipline and heart and a lot of faith to stay on that path. There is pain and doubt. In doing so we build resilience. We also build a wisdom of ourselves and others that those who stay on the beaten path do not.

 

Choose your Path

These days I celebrate being different. I choose the “path less traveled”, avoiding the mainstream and mediocre where I can. Many of my life choices are “alternative”. I embrace a personal spirituality that is fluid and open to change. Instead of hitting the gym I train calisthenics at park gyms or with whatever I can find, whenever I want. My tastes in music and food are unconventional and open. I follow the Jedi Path and apply the philosophy in to my life. Politics do not interest me but I have views that are non-partisan yet reflect my own convictions. My career is considered unusual and presents a paradox which people find interesting and I find challenging.

I see the world in a very different light than I did years ago. Life is different and every day is a gift. I have changed as the “Hero’s Journey” changes those that walk it. Virtues are now highly prized. I don’t compromise on my values and I demonstrate them through principles.

Being sober and choosing life is taking the “road less traveled”. Had I not chosen that path I have no doubt that now years later my life would be profoundly worse. It was not the easiest path to take. I fell over a few times but I kept getting up and moving forward. The destination was and still is a mystery. That is the adventure, the unknown. Faith and resilience is needed and greatness is its reward.

Dare to be different. Walk your own path.

“To proceed very far through the desert, you must be willing to meet existential suffering and work it through. In order to do this, the attitude toward pain has to change. This happens when we accept the fact that everything that happens to us has been designed for our spiritual growth.”  – M.Scott Peck

 

 

Further Reading

“The Road less Travelled” by M.Scott Peck

“The Hero with a Thousand Face” by Joseph Campbell