Kenobi

12 Step Jedi Alcoholism, Emotional Sobriety, Force
“My Name is Ben“

Recently Obi-Wan Kenobi made a return. The long-anticipated series “Kenobi” debuted on Disney Plus. Some people love the series, and some people hate it. I am still undecided exactly where I sit on the spectrum but at the conclusion of the fourth episode I would be reside somewhere in the middle ( a discussion for another time). What I notice most about the series is the character Kenobi. How his character develops, the relationships he has with others, his many flaws and how he struggles with them, the choices, and mistakes he makes.

I believe that Ewan McGregor gives the role the respect it deserves within the limitations and flaws of the story writers vision. Despite the shortcomings I see Kenobi as he is meant to be. Kenobi is a teacher, a protector, and a Jedi but most of all a man struggling with memories, his fears, and vulnerabilities a decade after the events on Mustafar.

The Advocate

“You think the less you say, the less you give away, but really it is the opposite” – Leia Organa (Obi-Wan Kenobi)

Of all the Star Wars characters I have always best identified with Kenobi. Like me, the character is an introvert and a natural loner, but he does not shun the company of others. Kenobi is a recluse out of the necessity of his mission to watch and protect Luke without drawing attention to himself or the boy. Like myself, Kenobi is reserved, yet friendly, quiet but at the same time not silent when words must be spoken. He is ready to act but never impulsive yet at times he struggles with decisions.

Kenobi struggles to say no, especially when asked for help and finds it hard to look the other way when an injustice is being done. Compassion is his strength and weakness. I am also blessed and cursed with these traits. Kenobi is a complex character, a typical introverted intuitive, an “Advocate” INFJ type personality who is often misunderstood and underestimated by others. Like Kenobi, I am an INFJ, the rarest personality type.

If I came across a shambling, silent and downcast “Ben” in the real world I would wonder if he were an active alcoholic. I would be drawn to Ben out of a sense of familiarity because I would see many similarities between him and me. There is a good chance that I would be compelled to speak with him, to get to know him and learn his story. I would be blind to his demeanor and not easily put off or pushed away as I would recognize his trait as my own form of defense. Like attracts like.

Demons

“If ever I need guidance Master, it is now” – Obi-Wan Kenobi.

Let’s imagine that over the years of sitting in the desert in his cave, keeping an eye on Luke and doing casual labor at an abattoir Kenobi has become alcoholic. Unable to drink socially in a local saloon for fear of drawing attention to himself and alerting the Imperial Inquisitors of his presence he chooses to stop by the trading post on his way home every day and buy a quart of Tatooine moonshine. The alcohol helps him sleep, or so he tells himself as he mounts his Eopie for the long ride home.

Every night Kenobi drinks from the bottle and tries to drown out the memories of the past. The voices of long dead friends come back to haunt him. Kenobi is back on Geonosis.  He can hear the cries, the screams, and the roar of battle. The silence of the desert and the dance of the flames of the fire in his cave casts shadows on the wall that come to life. Kenobi can see clone troopers fighting with droids, men cut down and mutilated under a storm of laser bolts. Lightsabers flash, troop transports and gunships explode and fall from the sky in flames.

Sleep takes Kenobi and he is back on Mustafar the heat and smell of Sulphur and burnt flesh is overpowering, the screams of Anakin and Padme seem combined, merged.  Anakin, the chosen one, is lost to him and he can hear the words “I hate you!” echo in his mind. He sees the twisted form of Anakin rise charred black and in flames like a Demon and transform into Darth Vader before his eyes. A Lightsaber ignites and Vader advances on him. Kenobi can hear the mechanical breathing and the words “Now I am the Master”. In horror Kenobi casts his Lightsaber aside and flees.

His eyes fly open, the suns have risen, the fireplace is cold, the dream recedes and sudden fear grips his chest “the boy!”. Kenobi settles himself and shaky hands reach for the bottle now empty. This happens every night for years on end.

My Name is Ben

“Help me Master Qui-Gon. Give me strength” – Obi-Wan Kenobi

Now Imagine Ben at a 12-step meeting. Ben would be the guy sitting silently at the back of the room trying not to draw attention to himself quietly observing others in an unobtrusive way. He would give out no “bad vibes”, he would just be there seated in the shadows or in the corner. That’s what I would do, I always take the corner and try to face the door. I try not to stand out. Ben would probably go unnoticed and to the question “is there anyone new or coming back?” he would probably give a slight nod or remain immobile. Ben would go to a few meetings before speaking but only if prompted and he might say the following:

“Hi, my name is Ben K and I’m an alcoholic” (the room responds with hello Ben). “I started drinking a long time ago and over the last few years I let it get away from me. I guess it had a lot to do with the death of a close friend, who I’ll call a brother. My friend died because I failed him, I failed to show him the right path. I tried but it was not good enough. I was too late to act, too blind to see where he was going and what he had become. I was blinded by duty. Because of that he and a lot of people close to me paid with their lives. Now I am here doing what I can to make it right but it’s not enough and it’ll never change what happened. Nothing will change what happened. I can’t claim what’s lost. So, I drink, and I wait till the time comes for me to face him and myself, to end it all at last”….

Man on Fire

“Only when eyes are closed can you truly see” – Obi-Wan Kenobi

Kenobi is a fantasy adventure that will somehow weave its way into the Star Wars canon that began 45 years ago with a New Hope. It is a story that introduces new characters and new character arcs. Leia is a stubborn, smart, and mischievous girl of 10 years. Luke remains cloistered on the farm under the protection of his uncle. There are new protagonists and antagonists. No one can tell where it will lead to. I’ll put my own spin on Kenobi without deferring at all to the book “Kenobi” which resides in the Expanded Universe. We have no idea what happened to Obi-Wan Kenobi between his exile to Tatooine after the fall of the Republic and his reappearance in a New Hope as the mysterious hermit “Ben”.

My spin is that Kenobi let himself become “Ben” because of his guilt and loss he hit rock bottom in the first decade of his exile. Like the character Creasy in the novel “Man on Fire” by AJ Quinnell, Kenobi had an existential crisis that led him down a very dark path towards self-destruction and despair. In “Man on Fire” it is a young girl who Creasy is employed to protect that causes the embittered and burnt-out veteran mercenary to find his humanity again and give up drinking. I believe that Leia is the rope that pulls Kenobi back from the dark pit of depression that “Ben” has dug himself into on Tatooine. Leia is the catalyst that restores Kenobi to his former self, forcing him to accept the call to adventure, to face his shadow and become Jedi once again.

Memory of Hope

“Obi-Wan Kenobi. Now that’s a name I’ve not heard in a long time. A long time” – Obi-Wan Kenobi

How Leia loses her memory of Ben-Kenobi later? I don’t know but maybe Kenobi uses a mind trick on her as a selfless act of love so that she is spared the truth of her origin to protect her from Vader until the day she is ready to meet her destiny. In this way Kenobi repays her for the hope she gave him.

Kenobi is a story of recovery and redemption of a man called “Ben” and the second birth of a Jedi named Obi-Wan Kenobi. It is the journey of a man who is broken emotionally and spiritually and has cut himself off from the force. I can relate to that because that is exactly what alcoholism does, it leads to slow physical, emotional and spiritual bankruptcy and cuts us off from a Higher Power I call the Force. Through recovery we regain our sovereignty and self-respect, and we learn to replace the ego with a sense of a Higher Power in our lives. We don’t need to “see” to believe, we have Faith. That in essence is the spirit of the “Hero’s Journey”.

“How does it work? The Force. What does it feel like?” – Leia Organa
“Have you ever been afraid of the dark? How did you feel when you turned on the light?” – Obi-Wan Kenobi
“I feel safe” – Leia Organa
“Yes, it feels like that” – Obi-Wan Kenobi

Reality

12 Step Jedi Dark Side, Force

“Observing the world around them, they saw two moons in the one sky—light Ashla and dark Bogan—and they understood the dual aspects to the Force, light and dark.” – Ketu

The “Reality principle” proposes that each person acting out the desires of the ego will do so without consideration of consequence. These impulses are held in check by societal norms and the boundaries imposed by acceptable behaviour. Most well-adjusted, normal people do not indulge their vices whenever the impulse strikes. They inherently understand the need for restraint under most circumstances because it has been conditioned into them since childhood.

The inverse is true for alcoholics. We maintain a different and distorted view of reality. Self-restraint is sometimes necessary to avoid trouble which may remove or inhibit access to alcohol but not for long. No amount of reason or rational thought will prevent the alcoholic from abuse. We will rationalize our insane behaviour to reflect a distorted view of reality. For alcoholics, the reality principle is cast aside as the need to satisfy addiction overrides everything else. This self-defeating strategy stems from the need to become whole and avoid feeling powerless.

The Sith encouraged immediate and unfettered gratification of desires, particularly the lust for power and control. The only reality which they saw was the reality of the ego run riot. Any constraint to that was seen as a threat that had to be destroyed. If societal norms were contrary to their own, it had to be forced to conform with their own. The natural order had to be bent to the will of the Sith. By their definition, the unfettered and relentless pursuit of power, the dominance of the Dark Side of the Force, was natural and imperative.

The lust for power, the need to overcome powerlessness drove the Sith. The very nature of the Sith was synonymous with desire and addiction. There was a Master and an Apprentice who was enslaved to the Master. The Apprentice desired to usurp the Master and take power from him. This is the nature of grasping attachment and desire, whether it is alcohol, drugs, fame, power, or wealth. One is the Master and one is the Slave. One becomes the other. The ego runs rampant and ultimately controls the self in a struggle for dominance in the attainment of what is desired.

Light is synonymous with truth and truth is reality. Darkness hides the truth and conceals reality. The Light is an expression of the divine and its expression as life. Darkness is an expression of death, destruction, and despair. One symbolizes recovery and the other is a slow death through abuse and addiction. Reality resides within a balance between the two.

“In light, there is a darkness and, in the darkness, a light. It is the way of us all. Be a prisoner of neither Bogan nor Ashla. Strive to live in balance.” ―Ketu

To recover is to strive to live in balance. Recovery is a rejection of what is unreal in our lives. Recovery is the embrace of reality over time. Sometimes the fog clears quickly, and the shroud of illusion is removed revealing the truth or who we are. Sometimes it takes years and decades. The ego is deflated in the process. The reality principle now becomes a guiding principle in our life not because of social pressure or acceptable behaviour but because our sanity and survival, both physical and spiritual, depend on it. We become aware that our sobriety is contingent on the daily maintenance of our spiritual condition.

The journey of Luke Skywalker is a story of recovery while the fall of Anakin is a story of descent into drunken lust for power. On his journey Luke learned to face the truth of who he was. Luke made choices that ultimately led to his own redemption and the redemption of the father. Doubts, fears, biases, and ignorance was cast aside as he chose the path of Light. Luke understood that true power resides in powerlessness and surrender when turned over to the Force. Through his struggles Luke was able to find balance in the Force between his own light and dark sides.

Anakin in comparison chose the path of the Dark Side even before he knew it and became blind to the truth. The years that led to his final fall were laden with the milestones of that slow but steady descent into darkness as he sought power to control others and life itself. Darth Vader had power and he wielded it at the will of the Emperor, but he was powerless and a slave to his master. In finally facing the truth laid before him by Luke Skywalker, Darth Vader was able to cast away his illusions and free himself from the cage he had made for himself.

Carl Jung wrote that “Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol or morphine or idealism”. Sobriety requires that we maintain a healthy grasp on reality. That we do not unwittingly replace one addiction for another. Jung also wrote that “we stand in need of a reorientation, a metanoia”. This means a spiritual and a practical realignment of ideas. To succumb to evil results in evil but a desire to do good can also bring unforeseen and evil consequences. We should attach to neither. Recovery means recognizing that the Force exists in a perfect balance between light (Ashla) and dark (Bogan).

Being Jedi is facing the truth, accepting reality, and ultimately finding balance in our lives between our own inner Ashla and Bogan. Reality is immutable and tied to the truth. Illusions and misconceptions need to be removed to reveal what is real. Reality is impossible to ignore we can only choose to. For more than half of my life I walked a similar path as Anakin as I slowly descended into the despair of alcohol, wanting to be the master but only a slave to the addiction. In recovery I try to walk in the footsteps of Luke Skywalker, seeking only to bring balance to the Force that resides within. The road is long and hard, mistakes are made but it is the path to freedom and knowledge and therefore a life worth living.

Force

12 Step Jedi Force, Spirituality

“There is no Death; there is the Force” – Jedi Code

 

The underlying message of the mantra “There is no Death; there is the Force” is self realisation. You are more than a persona, a physical being with an ego. Within all people resides the potential of infinite higher self. The true goal in life is to come to knowledge, understanding and realisation of that true nature.

The Jedi accepted that death does not exist. Death is an illusion like time or matter. Life is seen as a manifestation of an eternal state that transforms between the physical and the spiritual which is eternal. Some people describe the eternal essence as the spirit, the inner divine and Chi, Prana, Baraka. The Jedi describe it as the Force. How you describe it and what you call it is up to you.

 

Luminous Beings

“Luminous beings we are, not this crude matter” – Yoda

Death does not exist, only the dissolution of the physical state and the ego. What is left, call it the spirit, returns to the Force. This true inner self was always connected to the Force and always one with it; it just did not know in its physical state and was disconnected. This is the illusion of separation.

The concept of enlightenment is the return of oneness with the source, the loss of duality and self realisation. Some call this enlightenment or transcendence. It is also know as “God-Realisation” and “Nirvana”. The Jedi aspired to reach this level of awareness and Obi-Wan Kenobi, Yoda, Anakin and Luke Skywalker achieved this state of becoming “one with the Force” through their physical deaths.

 

Dying every day

“Death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those around you who transform into the Force.” – Yoda

An alcoholic is also an example of ego run riot and the greatest fear is not so much death but the dying every day that comes with it. In a way, an alcoholic lives in a twilight zone between the living and the dead. The ego, ever fearful of death, feeds denial and false pride with resentments and belligerency. The disease will often carry its host to the grave. In my experience there are worse things than death; spiritual death is to live in a very dark place.

Many alcoholics will be vaguely aware that they are in trouble when temporarily sober but are unable to prevent the “next time” and the spiral descent to what we call “rock bottom”. A spiritual solution is more often than not the way out. That may be nothing more than an admission of the truth and surrender to a higher power. At rock bottom I experienced nothing less than a spiritual experience at this point and the impact was immediate and dramatic.

It was the start of a journey.

 

The Journey

“Close your eyes. Feel it. The light…it’s always been there. It will guide you.” – Maz Kanata

Arriving at self-realisation can take years or decades. Sudden enlightenment can also occur through a profound spiritual experience. People who have had traumatic experiences, hit rock bottom and visited hell speak of a sudden and overwhelming spiritual realisation. Some psychedelic experiences have also left a permanent mark on people through a transcendent episode.

For the most part self realisation of our true nature evolves slowly and gradually through meditation practice and application of training. Over time we come to different levels of awareness and realisation on our life journey.

 

Self Awareness

Self awareness is an awakening to our potential. We come to a spiritual awakening that reveals our ignorance and the path before us. This is the beginning of the spiritual Hero’s journey for many. Luke Skywalker accepting the call to adventure on Tatooine was the realisation of this stage.

 

Self Exploration

Self exploration follows. Awoken to the possibilities we begin to seek answers to the questions that matter; “who am I?” and “what is my purpose?”. We begin to change the way we live and adopt practices such as meditation and study to deepen our understanding. We are looking for jewels. Luke Skywalker’s time with Obi-wan Kenobi and with Yoda on Dagobah gave him the opportunity to seek knowledge of his life purpose.

 

Self Discovery

Self discovery is experienced through insights as our consciousness begins to expand through the practices. We are finding jewels through our efforts. On Dagobah and then on Cloud City Luke was forced to confront his shadow and dark personal truths. Along the way, he came to deep insights.

 

Self Understanding

Self understanding is the beginning of self knowledge at a deeper level. In Jungian terms it is the process of individuation of the true self. Knowledge of the ego self, the inner anima and animus and acceptance of the shadow are part of the process.

 

Self Love

Self love is acceptance of the whole of one’s being and forgiveness of ones faults. This acceptance and forgiveness is extended to others. The presence of the inner divine is heightened at this point. Luke Skywalker at “Return of the Jedi” had grown into a man at ease with himself. Being a Jedi meant being able to find forgiveness and empathy for others.

 

Self Transformation

Self transformation is the realisation of the archetypes in our lives. Through inner awareness and life experience we put aside old habits and ideas that no longer serve. The personality undergoes a death and rebirth as the ego begins to be eclipsed by the true (individuated) self. One can be said to be reborn. Luke Skywalker arrived at this nexus when he refused to kill Vader. As a result the Dark Lord, Darth Sidious was defeated.

 

Self Mastery

Self mastery is the full realisation of individuation. The whole personality is born and the ego is mastered. The emerging archetype resembles the Jedi Master who is calm, at peace, passive. Obi-Wan Kenobi on Tatooine had arrived at Self Mastery when he met Luke Skywalker. Luke also finally achieved mastery when he faced his old apprentice Kylo Ren on Crait.

 

Self Transcendence

Self transcendence is the flowering of the individual potential in this life. Short of being “one with the Force” it is the highest level of awareness possible. This state is being in constant conscious contact with the divine. Life becomes a meditation. Very little will upset or ruffle the feathers of someone at this level. There is complete acceptance of life and death. Imagine Yoda on Dagobah as he neared his physical end.

 

Self Realisation

Self realisation is the conscious union of the self with the soul. Enlightenment has occurred. The illusion of suffering, separation, duality and the ego has been dispelled. The true nature of all things comes in to focus as the veil is finally removed. There is no longer self, there is all. There is no death there is only the Force. One can now be said to be “one with the Force”.

This is the Jedi journey.

 

There is no Death

Life is a journey and we can be said to arrive at the destination when we transcend to the next life. The meaning that we apply to the time we have ultimately defines the life we live. Being sober is a start. If this journey brings me closer to knowledge of the Divine then I can be all the more grateful.

The reality is that everything and everyone must die. Nothing is eternal, not even this universe that we live in. To grasp to attachments and refuse to “let go” when the time comes is to truly suffer. People will die including those close to us and to mourn them is natural and healthy but to mourn obsessively and refuse to accept the nature of things is unhealthy. I take faith in my personal belief that death is simply an event in the wheel of life and that nothing truly dies. Ultimately the Force is everything and all there is.

We belong the the Force and ultimately return to it.

The Inner Child

12 Step Jedi Faith, Force

“A child stolen is a lost hope.” – Moral “Spheres of Influence” The Clone Wars

 

“Truly wonderful the mind of a child is” – Yoda.

 

Let’s not kid ourselves; Star Wars is essentially for kids. I’m not ashamed to say that I like Star Wars and don’t mind being called a “big kid” because of it. We go to the movies to escape reality for a while and to enjoy ourselves. Even to remember what it was like to be a child again.

 

As a ten year old I saw Star wars for the first time when it hit theatres in 1977. The experience was indescribable. It blew away all expectations. My life was changed from that evening 42 years ago.

 

Ever since that I day I feel that same sense of wonder every time I sit down to watch the original trilogy. The nostalgia dented only by the re-mastering and editing that replaced the original cinematic version. The movies belonged to my generation. Star Wars was made for us. It belonged to us.

 

“We often tend to ignore how much of a child is still in all of us.”  – Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, “On Death and Dying”

 

 

Kids Stuff

Children still enjoy Star Wars of course. The prequels  entertained the millennial generation and the current trilogy has been made for the current generation of kids. Let no one tell you otherwise, Star Wars is meant for the kids first and us critical and adoring adults second.

 

The way we view Star Wars can even differ between generations. In “How I met your Mother”, Barney comes to the conclusion that a girl he is seeing is much older than he is because she hates the Ewoks. Barney reasons that because she was a kid when Star Wars first came out and a teenager when “Return of the Jedi” screened in 1983 the Ewoks to her were annoying at best. The Ewoks were cute and adorable and made for the kids. If Barney’s girl fiend hated Ewoks, he reasoned, she would have to be up to ten years his senior. This also annoyed Barney, he could not be with someone who hated Ewoks.

 

The Ewoks were annoying, I still find them mildly annoying but Star Wars is a modern fairy tale and while fairy tales have a moral they are also written for children or at least the inner child in all of us. Time to get over the Ewoks.

 

The Ewok Line “How I met your Mother”

 

Blessings

Children are a blessing. My life changed when I had kids. All of the sudden there was more than just my self to live for. I was responsible for another human being that was powerless in every way and utterly reliant on me. This is a revelation that only a parent can describe. In one sense it is amazing beyond words and in another it is utterly terrifying. Your mortality is revealed as is your human vulnerabilities. Every selfish act becomes shockingly apparent. There is no hiding from the truth. You have the most important job on the planet to fulfil.

 

For me it was not enough. I loved my kids of course and tried my best however alcohol was more important to me. There were nights when I drank secretly in the study while my wife and kids slept completely oblivious to the fact that I was drunk. If they needed me in the middle of the night I would probably have been completely incapable of caring for them.

 

Thank God for their mother who truly looked after their every need and never drunk. I can only imagine what would have happened if they had been left alone in my care. Who was the bigger child in all of that I wonder. It is my biggest shame as an alcoholic. A Father is meant to protect his kids and put them first always. This is not sacrifice but a sacred duty.

 

“We did not come into this world loathing ourselves or wishing to numb or feelings. As small children, we operated from a place of wonder, curiosity, spontaneity and creativity.” – Christopher Dines, “Drug Addiction Recovery: The Mindful Way”

 

 

Memories

I recall being a child. I remember Star Wars and a lot of other cool things that happened. There are also plenty of memories of a drunken Father, my mother’s bitter tears and despair at a husband who put money for food in to his drinking and stayed out for days and nights. One day I saw my mother taken in an ambulance and that’s the last time I saw her before I saw her lowered in to the ground in a coffin.

 

The years that followed were not childlike in any normal sense of the word. There were orphanages, homes and hostels, abuse from care givers and intermittently my drunken Father would appear. No wonder I hated the Ewoks when I went to see “Return of the Jedi” at 16. They were lame and stupid and reminded me of everything I wanted to forget, my childhood. The promise of Star Wars had failed me.  The inner child within me was smothered out, all but dead.

 

Alcoholism was the natural progression from that point.

 

“Oh Annie, you’ll always be that little boy I knew on Tatooine” – Padme.

 

Growing Up

Its no wonder then that when I finally became sober I had to rekindle my long lost inner child. Not just the “big kid” that comes out to rough house with the kids and make a convincing go at playing dress ups at parties without feeling completely foolish. Also not the petulant and obstinate child I became when I was drinking. Playing the drunken idiot was also easy. The inner child is something different. It is something wonderful.

 

“The inner child represents the strongest, the most ineluctable urge in every being, namely the urge to realize itself.” – Carl Jung

 

 

The Divine Child

If you could personify the divine I have no doubt it would appear as a wide eyed and amazed child, playful, curious and innocent. This inner child would be eager to learn and discover and create. She would have boundless energy, enthusiasm, optimism, empathy and compassion. Most of all, the child would have an imagination that knows no limits.

 

Now think Star Wars. Is Star Wars not for the inner child that resides within all of us? I would say that Lucas created Star Wars from his own inner child for the child in everyone.

 

Carl Jung created the “divine child archetype”. Star Wars fans may recognise the young Anakin as the embodiment of the archetype in “The Phantom Menace”. Anakin was innocent and vulnerable but at the same time he was far beyond his years in so many ways. He could repair racing pods and knew his way around a ship. The boy had an amazing talent for racing pods and had the instincts of a survivor.

 

There was something compelling about Anakin which drew Qui-Gon Jinn to him and endeared him to Obi-wan Kenobi. Anakin was a powerful force sensitive, incredibly intelligent while at the same time naive and easy to mould. At first sight he was an ideal candidate for Jedi training but something troubling loomed within him. Yet to all he appeared to be the “chosen one” as foretold in prophecy.

 

“You open the gates of the soul to let the dark flood of chaos flow into your order and meaning. If you marry the ordered to the chaos you produce the divine child, the supreme meaning beyond meaning and meaninglessness.”  – Carl Jung

 

 

Supreme Meaning

Krishna, Jesus, Horus, Dažbog and Zoroaster were all divine children who were born under auspice circumstance to bring great change to the world. King Herod did all he could to stop the prophecy of the coming messiah by having all new born male babies slaughtered. Mary and Joseph forewarned fled to Egypt to keep Jesus safe. Demons plotted to kill the baby Zoroaster but failed.

 

Anakin was the Jungian “divine child” archetype of Star Wars.  Darth Sidous sought out the “chosen one”, Anakin, to either kill him or preferably bring him to the Dark Side. The new born twins Luke and Leia were secreted away in to hiding after Anakin’s fall. The truth kept from them until the prophecy could be fulfilled. The children were the hope for the future of the galaxy.

 

Yoda in essence was also a symbol of the divine inner child manifest. Despite his 900 years of age he recognised the divinity in children and allowed his inner child to shine through before and after his transcendence to the Force. In exile that inner child was still alive in Yoda with all its wonder, wisdom, humour and optimism.

 

“In every adult there lurks a child and eternal child, something that is always becoming, is never completed, and calls for unceasing care, attention and education. That is part of the human personality which wants to develop and become whole.” – Carl Jung

 

 

 

Vulnerable

Yet the inner child is vulnerable. In “Revenge of the Sith”, Darth Sidious completed the conversion of Anakin through the slaughter of innocents at the Jedi Temple. The massacre of Younglings by Anakin is symbolic of the final destruction of the inner divine child. It is the loss of final hope and the future.

 

For children are the future. A society that forsakes its children has no future. A person who denies his inner child also betrays his soul.

 

“I believe that there is a sacred child-like spirit in all of us (often referred to as our younger self or sacred inner child), one we can access and heal in recovery. We can gradually learn to integrate our youthful spirit into our everyday life. There is sweet sacredness when a person truly dedicates himself or herself to reclaiming his or her forgotten and abandoned inner child.” – Christopher Dines, “Drug Addiction Recovery: The Mindful Way”.

 

 

Recovered

So it is with Alcoholism. The disease eventually all but snuffs out the inner child within us. That is a tragedy. In its place the shadow inner child emerges to fuel our addiction. The shadow child is the dark, spoilt, belligerent and selfish brat that clawed, kicked, screamed and berated us in active abuse.

 

Recovery heals the shadow child and restores the inner divine child. We learn that the divine child is a manifestation of the Higher Power within us. It has been all but snuffed out but a tiny glow remains in a sea of blackness. Soon that glow becomes a flame. For me it is the Force that burns within. With time it has grown brighter kindled by walking the 12 Steps.

 

I have had to grow up, perhaps for the first time in my life. The inner child has guided me along the journey and still does. To be Jedi is to allow the inner child to step forward and be heard.

 

“When you learn how to re-parent yourself, you will stop attempting to complete the past by setting up others to be your parents.”  –  John Bradshaw, “Homecoming: Reclaiming and Healing Your Inner Child”.

 

The Inner Child

The inner child is that small still voice. You will know it when:

  • A creative idea takes root in your mind and you feel excited about it.
  • You look up at the stars at night, witness a glorious sunset or wander through nature and feel awe, joy and a connectedness with creation.
  • That “kid like” excitement and abandon you get visiting a theme park and getting on rides.
  • The mystery and wonder that causes the heart to race and time to stand still when you get that first kiss.
  • The thirst for life and yearning to explore.
  • The feeling you get when the light in the theatre dims and everyone hushes as the 20th century Fox anthem plays and then the words “a long time ago in a galaxy far far away” appears and then fades  to  the loud crescendo of the opening note of the Star Wars musical score and title.

 

Listen also to the Child when you are feeling down, it is trying to tell you something when you feel;

  • Regret at abandoning an idea you was excited about.
  • Frustration at being denied your creativity or held back.
  • Depression that comes with not being able to fully realize your self.
  • Grief over loss.

 

These are natural responses. It’s OK to be not OK. Let the inner child in you express itself.

 

Be a Kid

If you approach life with the eyes of a child you do so with the divine guiding you. The world suddenly reveals that there is still wonder and beauty in it. Despite the odds there is still hope for the future. People become inherently good despite their shortcomings. Life will not be all “Puppies and Kittens” but it does get easier. Your mind will seek to create rather than destroy, to flow with, rather than resist and to accept rather than reject what life offers. Let life surprise you for certainly it will.

 

Learn from the wisdom of children and take something from their insights like Yoda did.  No matter what happens allow your inner child to completely take over the next time you watch Star Wars. Learn to be a kid again. Ewoks or no Ewoks, I guarantee you will enjoy it.

 

Star Wars (Original release crawl 1977) Lucasfilm Ltd.

 

Further Reading

John Bradshaw; Homecoming: Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child. New York, NY: Bantam Books. 1990. ISBN 978-0-553-35389-1.

Third Man

12 Step Jedi Faith, Force

 

“Are you an angel”  – Anakin

 

Imagine being hopelessly lost in the desert. Walking for miles as the sun beats down.

The distant line of mountains seems to be now closer after days of walking in the blistering heat and nights spent huddled against the cold.

Eventually whatever water you had is gone. Thirst torments you and hunger gnaws at your belly.

You mutter to yourself mindless thoughts. Apparitions of strange figures come in waves of hallucinations at night.

You dream of water and hear voices in the wind. The sun rises and you greet it knowing you won’t see the end of the day.

Tears come to your eyes but they are dry, an attempt to cry is nothing more than a tortured croak.

You stagger and fall and blackness finds you. With eyes open you see the cosmos spiraling before you, all the planets and stars arc above.

You feel a presence, it bring you peace in the hour of death. It speaks to you and urges you on. You stumble as if in a dream.

The presence never leaves you it tells you everything will be alright and to keep going. You obey.

Voices come out of the dark, water, hands grip your shoulder and you see a face. Salvation has come.

 

“Who is the third who walks always beside you? When I count, there are only you and I together. But when I look ahead up the white road, there is always another one walking beside you” – T.S Elliot ” The Wasteland”.

 

Lost

There are countless stories that tell of the presence of an “other” when life was in peril. Shackleton recounts that such a presence was felt by his group as they wandered across the Antarctic wilderness held in the place between this life and the next.

 

“I have no doubt that Providence guided us…it seemed to me there were four and not three.” – Sir Ernest Shackleton

 

Yossi Ghinsberg an Israeli backpacker who nearly died while lost in the Amazon jungle also recounted being led by a young girl who appeared to him just as he gave up hope. The experience left an indelible spiritual mark on him.

 

Frank Smyth the British climber attempted Mount Everest in 1933 failed and narrowly survived the descent. Later he recounted the welcome presence of another person who followed him during his ordeal. To him the guiding presence was real and it eliminated all loneliness and fear in him.

 

Soldiers in war, shipwreck survivors and castaways, people lost in the wilderness, survivors of natural disasters and terror attacks all recount experiencing the presence of a benevolent presence that helped them survive beyond their physical and mental limits. The presence gave them comfort and courage against the odds and this helped saved their lives. Psychologists call this phenomenon the “Third Man factor”.

 

“An angel. I’ve heard the deep space pilots talk about them. They’re the most beautiful creatures in the universe” – Young Anakin to Queen Amidala “The Phantom Menace”

 

The Protector

Intense physical and mental duress can have a profound effect on the brain. No one knows for certain whether the “third person” is a hallucinogenic effect caused by the release of a burst of dopamine and possibly Dimethyltryptamine (DMT). The effect of DMT is very similar to those reported by people who claim to have had a near death experience. In a recent study people who had had NDE’s reported experiences of spiritual transcendence similar to subjects who took DMT psychedelics like Ayuhuasca.

 

Is the “Third Person” effect simply a coping mechanism, a mental trick, a survival reflex triggered by a brain that knows it is dying? Some believe the “Third Person” a guardian angel that intervenes in the time of greatest physical, mental and spiritual anguish.  Does it matter whether the “Third Person” comes from deep within our psyche or is a manifestation of something divine if it leads to salvation?

 

The human psyche has a persona and an ego at the conscious level. Deeper in our subconscious resides our anima and animus. The shadow, the darker side of our nature also resides there. Why not also a guardian angel? The “Third man factor” is a protector and guide that resides deep within us all?

 

 “Death is just the beginning.” – “Destiny” The Clone Wars

Guardian Angels

The appearance of a spiritual guiding force in the time of great need is often used in fiction. In Gravity (2013) Matt Kowalski (George Clooney) visits Ryan Stone (Sandra Bullock) after he has floated away in space to his death. Kowalski speaks to Stone and urges her not to give up and helps her survive. The guiding spirits in “A Christmas Carol” transform Scrooge as they reveal his faults and show him a way to his own salvation.

 

Guardian Angels are nothing new. They appear to the prophets in the Old Testament. Jesus was said to have been visited by angels during his wandering in the wilderness and again as he suffered during the crucifixion. Guiding spirits occur in every culture; Zoroastrian, Chinese, Slavic, Aboriginal lore describes them as benevolent spirits who look over their human charges and keep them safe.

 

In Star Wars the Force Spirit is the ephemeral and benevolent presence that comforts and guides those it visits. In “Ghosts of Mortis” Anakin is visited by the “Force Ghost” of Qui-Gon Jinn who tells him he can bring balance to the force. Obi-wan Kenobi and Yoda are also visited by Qui-Gon Jinn. In “A New Hope” Luke is guided by the disembodied voice of Obi-wan Kenobi giving him the courage and presence of mind to complete his mission. At the end of “Return of the Jedi” Luke and Leia are visited by the Force Spirits of Yoda, Anakin and Obi-wan Kenobi. Luke himself becomes a powerful Force Spirit. In “The Last Jedi” his Force Spirit projected to Crait where he comforted Leia and confronted Kylo Ren.

 

    “Eternal life…“

    “The ultimate goal of the Sith, yet they can never achieve it; it comes only through the release of self, not the exaltation of self. It comes through compassion, not greed. Love is the answer to the darkness.“

    ―Yoda and Qui-Gon Jinn

 

NDE

I can’t say I have ever had a near death experience like Ernest Shakleton in Antarctica or Frank Smyth on Everest. I have been exhausted enough to hallucinate while in the army. I was on operations patrolling for days on end with little sleep. My thoughts were disordered and I knew that the visions and voices in my mind weren’t real. The “Third man factor” experience is described as lucid and ordered while hallucinations are dreamlike imaginings.

 

Some Alcoholics who have had spiritual experiences which directly resulted in sustained recovery report the presence of a guiding presence. Some describe this as a blinding light of love and compassion while others describe the visit of a man or a woman or a deceased love one. These spiritual experiences tend to happen at a moment of great spiritual, mental and physical torment.

 

I have had the “Rock Bottom” experience and while I did not see a presence I definitely felt it. The sensation was real and tangible in every way. I knew immediately that I had nothing to fear and that everything would be fine. The presence imbued a love and compassion that was transcendent and impossible to articulate. I felt at home. From that point I never have drunk again.

 

“Fear is a disease; hope is its only cure.” –  “Blue Shadow Virus” The Clone Wars

 

Finding Hope

I read somewhere once that an atheist will deny the existence of God until the day he finds himself with nothing and is utterly alone, without hope and facing death. At the end of hope the atheist finds hope, not in changed fortune but in the presence of a spiritual force that guides him to salvation.

 

Very few people ever call on a “power greater than themselves” until the time they need it. Even an atheist faced with his own physical demise will ponder at the wonder of the cosmos and the symphony of creation. A part of them will wonder at the mystery and purpose of life. While denying someone else’s concept of God they might come to a deeper understanding of a divine truth.

 

The Force can be a source of strength when I need it. The Force can be a source of calm and serenity in times of turbulence. Understanding and patience can be the little inner voice that comes from the Force when confronted with difficult people and situations. It is the guiding and comforting presence when facing calamity. The Force can be the hand that guides you out of harms way, a candle in the dark that leads the way to the light.

 

Whatever your concept of God or a Higher Power might be the important thing is to realize that no one is ever truly alone. When you need the will to carry on past your imaginable limits, there is a power you can fall back on within you. All you need to do is accept the hand that’s offered.

 

Geiger, John (2009). The Third Man Factor. Toronto: Viking Canada.

MTFBWY

12 Step Jedi Force

May the Force be with you – Han Solo

 

Every Fourth of May the world celebrates Star Wars Day. The date is taken from the catchphrase “May the Fourth be with you” a play on the famous line “May the Force be with you” first heard in Star Wars in 1977. It immediately captured the imagination of millions of people. Two years later and Margaret Thatcher won the UK  elections on May 4th , 1979 becoming the countries first female Prime Minister. The Conservative “Tory” party took out a front page notice in the London Evening News congratulating her victory with “May the Fourth be with you, Maggie congratulations”. I remember the day well….Anyway, the line stuck and it re-appeared until the date was immortalized as “Star Wars Day”.

Most people would give you a weird look if you were to say “May the Force be with you” on any other day. In the Star Wars universe it has a magical and holy ring to it. The Force is real, it permeates everything. The Universe is the Force. The statement affirms that primary truth, that the Force resides in all life. The Force is then with you always but when someone says it, it reminds you and brings you back to the moment, to a glimpse of who and what you truly are.

In the 12 Step movement we are reminded that no one ever loses the divine spark within them. We choose only to shut it out or throw a barrier between us and our Higher Power. The flame is never fully extinguished. If you believe in God you will know that the divine never leaves you, for God resides within, without and in all creation. As conscious human beings with free will we only choose to believe or imagine that we are utterly bereft and forsaken in the dark. We never truly are, there is always a candle in the dark, a way out.

What we had in addiction was a choice to express that spark that resides within and finally embrace life.

 

Remember the Force will be with you. Always. – Obi-wan Kenobi

 

I have to laugh when I see people on Social Media wishing each other the catch phrase “May the Fourth be with you”. It’s all for fun of course. The date is a good one to celebrate the fictional universe that Lucas created more than 40 years ago and we continue to enjoy today.

I don’t often wish anyone “May the Force be with you” I’m not a religious person but I can’t deny the power of those words even if they are attached to a story that is entirely fictional. When I was in the Middle East I heard people say Shalom and Salem. Both words mean Peace. They are used as everyday greetings but also as a wish that peace may be on your soul. One word can soften a look of suspicion or potential animosity in a stranger when you offer him or her the word Salem…Peace.  One greeting can make all the difference.

So “May the Force be with you” on this day, the Fourth of May and all days. May it bring you peace, happiness, serenity and peace. May you find your inner Jedi (and Child) not just for one day but for all days.

Resurrection

12 Step Jedi Force, God, Religion

“Death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those around you who transform into the Force.” – Yoda

“He who surrenders hope, surrenders life.” – The Clone Wars “Alter of Mortis”.

 

The Resurrection of the Christ from the dead is the very foundation on which the Christian faith is built. The New Testament tells us that Jesus was crucified and died on the cross and then he rose again and walked among his followers for forty days before ascending to heaven. The symbolism of the story is that Jesus, as a manifestation of the divine, died like a common man. Jesus then descended to hell carrying the sins of the world and then arose on the third day defeating death and redeeming the world. This is the salvation of the resurrection.

From a metaphysical perspective I see the story of the resurrection as a parable which is intended to remind us that death is not final. Yes all things die but life always follows death. The circle of life is continuous and death is a part of that. But life always triumphs over death.

I also believe that the story of the resurrection is to remind us that in life we must let the old parts of ourselves die in order to renew ourselves. We must be willing to let go and suffer in doing so if it allows us to grow.

“No one’s ever really gone” – Luke Skywalker

 

The Rise of Skywalker

“The Rise of Skywalker” is an interesting title for the last episode of Star Wars. In “The Last Jedi” we saw Luke Skywalker “die” on the Island of Ahch-To. In the final scenes Luke vanishes symbolizing his transcendence from the flesh to the living Force. Yoda, Obi-wan Kenobi and Anakin all transcended to the Force. They were resurrected not in a physical sense but there continued consciousness in the Force defeated mortality by becoming immortal.

Will Luke now “rise” from the dead in the last episode? Will he be more than a Force Ghost? What of Lela? Will the laws of the Force be utterly upended and Darth Sidious also released from the shackles of death?

“I believe you will bring balance to the Force. That you will defeat your demons and bring balance to the Force” – Qui Gonn Jinn

 

Resurrected

The Star Wars mythology uses the theme of resurrection in the saga. Obi-wan Kenobi was clearly struck down by Vader in the original movie. The Jedi Master deftly parried Vader’s Lightsaber before opening himself to the fatal blow. At first it seemed like suicide but soon the true purpose of Obi-wan Kenobi’s death was revealed. Yoda also returned to aid Luke Skywalker after he had died in the flesh. Qui-Gon Jinn also appeared to Anakin and tried to guide him.

Villains also return in Star Wars. Darth Maul struck down by the apprentice Obi-wan Kenobi somehow survived and returned decades later insane with a lust for revenge. Cade Bane the unscrupulous Bounty Hunter and perennial anti-hero was rumored killed in a duel but I have no doubt we may see him again in a future series of the Clone Wars.

 

“Darth Plagueis was a Dark Lord of the Sith, so powerful and so wise he could use the Force to create life… The dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural.” – Darth Sidious

 

The Return of the Sith

Can the Sith defy death and resurrect themselves? Sidious was destroyed in “Return of the Jedi”, killed at the hands of his apprentice Darth Vader. What if the essence of Darth Sidious was preserved within the dark side of the Force? Like his Master Darth Plagueis had he mastered the secret to cheating death?

Luke said in the teaser that no one’s ever really gone does this allude to Palpatine? Lucas may have been planning the resurrection of Darth Sidious since the “Return of the Jedi”. One of the alternate endings of the first trilogy was the conversion of Luke to the dark side with the defeat of the Sith Lord. Lucas however decided on a happy ending.

Having the resurrection of the Sith and the return of Palpatine as the end to the “Rise of Skywalker” may keep the circle of the mythology turning. If the Dark Side rises once again in the galaxy we must wait for another “chosen one” to end it and restore balance to the Force fulfilling the ancient prophecy.

The second coming so to speak…

 

“Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter” – Yoda

 

Rise

Whether you believe in the story of the resurrection of Christ or not depends on your religious leanings. In reality people who die do not rise again unless the person was in fact not dead. This is why the story of “The Rise of Christ” is so important to Christians and underpins the basis of their religion. The resurrection of Christ provides proof of the divinity of Jesus as the son of God and eternal savoir of the world. Christians believe that the crucifixion and resurrection were prophesied to happen in the Old Testament.

I believe that the story of the resurrection is to remind us that we have a choice. We can choose to find purpose and meaning in life and strive to be a better version of our self every day or we can capitulate to a nihilistic existence and reject any meaning in life. We can choose the Light Side or the Dark Side.

The story of the crucifixion and resurrection is one of reaching redemption and meaning by going through suffering. In life we must take up our cross and bear it. Redemption comes through suffering. Like pruning dead branches, we shed parts of our old lives. The process can be painful but we emerge renewed.

The celebration of Easter is one of rebirth and renewal as well as hope. Becoming sober is like being born again, a resurrection from an existence that was neither being wholly alive or completely dead. Addicts are caught in twilight between two worlds. Eventually we are forced to choose between the two. That choice is to let the old life die and the new life arise or not. We can stay down or rise up resurrected and renewed. I choose life. What do you choose?

Ghosts

12 Step Jedi Force, Love, Spirituality, Uncategorized

 

“You have grown strong and powerful, just as I imagined.” – Qui-Gon Jinn’s Force Ghost appearing to Anakin (“Ghosts of Mortis”, The Clone Wars)

 

“Ah, Skywalker. Missed you, have I” – Yoda’s Force Ghost appearing to Luke (The Last Jedi).

 

Ghosts exist. I believe they do because I’ve seen them. There was an apparition I saw as a child when I was kept at a Catholic Home for boys. I saw another in a home for wards of the state when I was twelve. On both occasions the figures seemed to pass completely oblivious to my presence. I was wide awake when I saw these apparitions and remember how the room was cold before and during. The first was a Nun in an old habit; she stood as if in prayer, her face was down, I blinked and she was gone. The second was a shadow of a man who seemed to drift like grey smoke across the room before vanishing.

I don’t remember being scared when I saw them. I was upset and deeply sad. The figures seemed to imbue a deep sense of melancholy. Perhaps they were real maybe they weren’t. In the orphanage we also played with Ouija boards and scared ourselves silly with our imaginations. The region in which the old children’s home was built had many Ghost stories. In such an environment it was easy to imagine what was not there.

 

 

Sensitive

Many years later I learned that my sister was sensitive and told me she had seen Ghosts her entire life. They didn’t scare her at all and never had.  To this day she practices as a psychic medium and has investigated Ghosts, Poltergeists and other phenomenon. Some of her “cases” have turned out to have a rational explanation. Others have been very strange. I’ve seen her bring a sense of relief to people who thought they were losing their minds. It’s amazing what a few words and some burning sage can do for a family’s sense of sanity.

When my daughter turned eight she began reporting that there were “others” in our house. I had to admit at the time I did find a few things odd. There were smells such as old pipe tobacco. Batteries would go flat in devices soon after being replaced. Objects would go missing and then reappear in odd places or not at all. Doors would open and curtains would move although there was not the slightest breeze. There were cold patches and sometimes the house just felt cold. I thought I saw shadows.

According to our daughter there was a boy she spoke to, a sad lady and a tall angry man whom were both silent. I asked her to draw them and she drew a boy with a white shirt, black trousers held up with braces. She drew a large happy smile on a wide face. In the bubble and stick fashion, she drew a thin woman with a long black dress that went to her neck. The man had a vest, a long mustache, a pipe and a large hat. The man had an angry face.

Of course I was skeptical. I had been trained to be. A degree in science demanded empirical evidence. I wanted to believe that such things were not really possible. The supernatural might be fanciful or hypothetical, but not indisputable. Without empirical evidence based on quantifiable data derived from replicable experimentation one could entertain that Ghosts might exist but still hold a healthy amount of skepticism.

 

 

Voices

We went to see a psychic medium that has a reputation of being anything but a charlatan. I was impressed the moment I saw him. For a start the man looked extremely fit and well groomed. Wearing smart jeans, a shirt and leather jacket he met us cordially. I was expecting some sort of facade and a bit of melodrama but this medium was just an every day guy. The sort of guy who barbecues on the weekend, goes to football matches and drinks beer.

Our Medium explained that he had been able to see Ghosts since he was a child and could get impressions from them sometime faint, sometime strong. Our visit would allow him to determine if there was anything attached to us “psychically”. Whether we were haunted or not.

We were instructed to keep our answers to questions as yes or no in order to reduce any suspicion of mentalism or “fishing for answers”. He also warned us we could go home empty handed if he failed to “channel” anything.

Without much effort he gave me a run down on my personal history, my dead parents, my fears and he pretty well told me without saying it aloud that I was alcoholic and headed for a fall. He told me that I was perched on a wall waiting to either topple to oblivion or fall in to the arms of safety and sanity. I could feel panic and denial welling inside of me. He sensed that and moved on.

Touching the right side of his head he told me that I had had a major operation and had actually been pushed “from the other side” to seek help when I’d started noticing symptoms instead of ignoring them. This floored me. It was true that I had had a tumor growing in my head. It was quite large and the specialist had told me if I had left it another month I would have probably suffered a stroke and died. The Medium said “second chance” with a blank face as if he was remembering something. I looked at him strangely, indeed I had seen the experience as a “second chance” at the time. The problem of course is that I had not embraced it and was soon drinking heavily again after a short pause.

 

 

Glimpses

The conversation turned to our house. The Medium would pause and sort of look up or to one side. Once or twice he seemed to not even to be there but in some sort of trance. We had not mentioned we had children but he told us that we had “entities” in our house and that our young daughter could see them and had interacted with a “child spirit”. Sensing our alarm he told us not to worry. The spirits were harmless and tied to the house or rather the land. The way we view time is not how time is. Reality is an illusion and sometimes, depending on things we don’t understand, our dimension touches the next.

This didn’t reassure us much and we asked about a cleansing to which he replied it could be done but not by him. He went on to say that the spirit who was “looking over me” when I was sick was my mother. He said that she was also “watching over” our children. Soon after a subtle change came over his face as if a curtain had come down and the Medium announced that the meeting was over.

It’s an understatement to say that I had trouble seeing the world the same way after that brief visit. Was it all real? Had I been played and fleeced out of my money? If it were true then everything I thought about reality was up for debate. My mind reeled and everywhere I looked I saw Ghosts hiding in shadows. I needed a stiff drink.

 

 

Smudging

A couple of weeks later I called my sister and she came over. I explained some of the events that had taken place but omitted our meeting with the Medium or any specific details. It was the middle of the day and she walked though the house pausing in our daughter’s room a little longer. Finally she reported that there was family tied to the house. The land the house sat on had been a farm. The farmer had been cruel to his family and had died in an accident. The woman and child had lived out their lives.

With sage in hand she walked from room to room, trailing smoke, inviting the entities to “go to the light”. I watched with fascination. Sure enough a peace seemed to fall over the house. It felt completely different. From that day there were no further “disturbances”. Whatever had been there was gone and I had to admit I was sort of sad about it. The house was clear but a dark shadow fell over me. I responded with alcohol.

 

 

“Second Chances”

As the Medium predicted my “second chance” soon ran out and I hit rock bottom. I realized when it happened what it meant. Ghosts of the past held me down. I felt myself sink in to a dark place and was utterly haunted. I could take my real “second chance” now and climb out to safety or I could fall to oblivion and never emerge. Doing so required a type of Faith and belief in something that cannot be proved through empirical science. By that stage, I already knew that. If anything the last few years had taught me was to keep an open mind, even if it meant accepting there is more than we can see and measure.

 

“No live organism can continue to exist sanely under conditions of absolute reality” – The Haunting of Hill House

 

 

The Red Door

Recently I decided to watch the Netflix series The Haunting of Hill House. I’ve always been a fan of psychological supernatural movies. There are few that rank as truly great. The Haunting (1963) and The Legend of Hell House (1973) are both timeless classics.

I have to admit that the new Netflix release of a retelling of Shirley Jackson’s Hill House story was excellent. The experience was not unlike jumping into some Rabbit Hole. Over ten episodes the series explores the dark inner psyche of a family haunted by events that occurred a quarter of a century earlier. Against the brooding backdrop of Hill House, a short and terrifying childhood summer is played out. There are secrets and the house  is calling them home.

The series was compelling and terrifying not so much for the Ghosts, which there are many, but because it was a reminder that people suffer the Ghosts of their pasts and fears. Eventually one must return to face them. Doors that are locked and contain sinister and dark secrets must be opened. Sometimes we must peer in to the dark recesses of our soul. In order to be free we must confront our darkest and most terrifying fears.

 

“A ghost can be a lot of things. A memory, a daydream, a secret. Grief, anger, guilt. But, in my experience, most times they’re just what we want to see.” – The Haunting of Hill House

 

 

Force Ghosts

Why is it that the “Force Ghosts” of Star Wars aren’t scary? Even Casper the Friendly Ghost was a little creepy. The story goes that when Jesus first appeared to his disciples after the resurrection they were terrified to see him returned from the grave and walking among the living. Any manifestation of the dead is naturally disconcerting. Cultures demand that the dead stay dead. Ghosts are not welcome.

I’ve learned that Ghosts are not scary (unless we want them to be) but they are definitely not something you want to turn a corner and see standing there. So why is no one concerned with “Force Ghosts”? After all they have all the trade mark features of a Ghost. They shimmer, glow pale and appear out of nowhere and start dispensing practical philosophy, yet they comfort those they appear to. If Socrates were to appear again in Athens and start approaching people the city would lose its mind and try to evict him.

 

“Dreams they’re like an ocean and the big dreams can spill out sometimes” – The Haunting of Hill House

 

 

Visions

“Force Ghosts” are a product of fiction obviously. The religious equivalent would be called “Visions”. Most people who have claimed to have had visions of Mary, Jesus, Saints or departed relatives reported feeling an overwhelming sense of love and peace. What causes these experiences is a matter for debate however there is no disputing the fact that visions have a lasting and often life changing effect on those who witness them.

“Force Ghosts” are the heavenly visitations to the Jedi. The “Force Ghosts” are the spiritual experiences that guide the Jedi from the edge of the Dark Side and back to the Light. The “Force Ghosts” appear because they are summoned in some way by those that need them and they change those they visit in profound ways.

 

“Fear is the relinquishment of logic, the willing relinquishing of reasonable patterns…” – The Haunting of Hill House

 

“White Light”

Occasionally I run into people I haven’t seen since I got sober. They give me strange look. The comment I get is that I have changed and somehow different. They remark how fit and healthy I look but there is something else they can’t quite name, something intangible.

When people learn that I no longer drink they ask what bought it on. It’s very hard to explain “what happened” to anyone who has not hit rock bottom and had a spiritual experience. To try is to risk being labelled a religious nut. Its also hard to articulate to those that have had a similar experience. Words can’t really describe it. Whether it’s a “burning white light” experience or something that happens at a deeper level the end result is that there is no seeing the world the same way ever again. Everything changes.

The only way to describe what happened to is that in a flash I felt I was catapulted to an elevated level of consciousness. It felt as if I were inside of me but at the same time outside of me and looking down at me. I was had a clear vision of who I was at that moment and a vision of what I could become. I sat perched on a wall between heaven and hell. There was no doubt in my mind I could topple either way. At some deeper level I reached out to whatever spiritual source there was and grabbed the flimsy reed that was offered. I knew at that moment the ultimate truth; there is nothing to fear but fear itself and the fear was gone. So were the Ghosts.

 

“…But so, it seems, is love. Love is the relinquishment of logic the willing relinquishing of reasonable patterns. We yield to it or we fight it. But we cannot meet it halfway…” – The Haunting of Hill House

 

 

Impressions

I’ve learned that it is rarely the “Ghosts” of departed souls that haunt us. Certainly the memory of those who have passed will linger in mind and subconsciousness. It is not unusual for people to speak to the dearly departed, it’s normal. We can find solace and comfort feeling that not even death can separate us from those that we love.  More often it is an impression, a word, a thought or a memory that materializes like a phantom in our mind. We can see it clearly as if it were there in front of us. For a moment we are projected through time and place to that moment. Like a Ghost it begins to fade and then vanish. We are left with the feeling like you get when you come out of a dream. There was a truth, clarity and enlightenment in that moment and then it is gone beyond recall.

Perhaps that is what the “Force Ghosts” of Star Wars represent. They symbolize the resolving of inner conflict and the realization of a deeper truth or a moment of joy. At the moment when Luke feels the most vulnerable and has the greatest doubts born of fear and anguish he is centered and given courage and guidance by the vision and words of Yoda and Obi-Wan Kenobi. In his happiness Luke also see’s his Father and his former mentors smiling down on him approvingly on Endor.

 

“…Without it (Love), we cannot continue for long to exist sanely under conditions of absolute reality” – The Haunting of Hill House

 

 

Believe or Not

Whether you believe in Ghosts or not and care for Ghost stories or not, all people are visited by Ghosts of some form. The very act of living allows them to permeate our lives in every way. I’m still visited by the Ghosts of my past but I don’t let them affect me. They serve as reminders of where I have come from. I acknowledge them and let them go. They appear and fade away and I know they are impressions. I sometimes speak to my dead relatives and ancestors. Perhaps they hear me, maybe they don’t. It comforts me the same way the apparition of Yoda and disembodied voice of Obi-wan Kenobi comforted Luke.

I also believe in Ghosts, the “active” type that stare out of windows in darkened houses, the “residual” Ghosts that play out their lives and deaths like some old movie reel on a constant loop. The “phenomena” Ghost Hunters seek out in cold and desolate places at the dead of night. Ghosts do exist, in our minds and in the world. I don’t doubt it for a second.

 

“Silence lay steadily against the wood and stone of Hill House. And those who walk there walk together.” – Steven Crain “The Haunting of Hill House”

Build Resilience: Be Realistic

12 Step Jedi Force, Objectivity, Perception

“Many of the truths that we cling to depend on our point of view.” – Obi-Wan Kenobi

One of the mistakes I made when starting this journey was aiming for perfection. I wanted perfect practice. My principles had to be applied consistently and without fault. I became a religious zealot and almost fanatical in my approach to my recovery. Of course I could only sustain that for a short period of time. I grew frustrated that I could not always get my own way. Resentment and anger followed. I had to learn to be realistic with myself. Recovery requires a “take it easy” approach of just following the process and doing the work. That process turned out to be the gentle Middle Path.

We have to be realistic with ourselves and others. We cannot expect things to always turn out as we plan. Flexibility is a trait of the resilient person. Change is going to happen and you can either resist and fight it or adapt and live with it. Those that are resilient choose the latter.

No one is asking that we like everything that happens to us. Things happen in my life that suck which I cannot change. I have a hard enough time changing myself so what luck am I going to have changing people or circumstances. My happiness and progress in life should be independent of these things. By taking a pragmatic and realistic view we are less likely to be disappointed and more likely to contemplate, accept, adapt and bounce back.

No one can force perfection but we can accept things as they are.

 

Realism

“These thorns are all that is true, life is suffering, suffering is life, be happy with the small things that come to you” – Johnny Clegg & Savuka “African Dream”

Most recovered alcoholics and addicts I have met are realistic people. They can’t afford not to be. They may have spiritual ideas and beliefs but their feet are planted firmly on the ground. Life has made us that way because we lived in an illusion for so long and suffered for it. Experience has taught us the concept of dukkha and samsara. Suffering is life and life is suffering. Good things do come sometimes by chance but mostly through our own efforts.

Objectivity is also a Real World Jedi trait. We take an objective view of reality. Evidence based scientific method with healthy skepticism is generally accepted by Jedi. At the same time we accept that sometimes science has it wrong or lacks the answers we seek. We also cannot know all of reality. There are unknown unknowns and known unknowns. Reality also exists outside of the box of time and space. This we call the Force.

 

What Is

“Your eyes can deceive you; don’t trust them.” – Obi-wan Kenobi

What exists, exists independent of our views and conceptual ideas. A rock exists with or without our consent. The world revolves, the seasons change, things are born and die, a tree falls in the forest whether we are there to experience it or not. The past is gone beyond recall, the future is nothing more than an illusion and all that truly exists is the Now. The Now is where reality happens. The Force exists in and through all things.

Our senses provide us with awareness of the physical world. At the same time our senses are not always right or are incapable of sensing all of reality. We therefore only sense so much. Something deep within us knows that there is more to reality than what we can see, hear, touch and taste. We all have intuition, a knowing and impressions. When we take a moment to absorb a painting, a work of music, a star filled sky, a sunrise or a newborn child, something spiritual stirs within us and we know that we are more than “crude matter”. Our consciousness is present in the moment. We get a sense of a grander reality and who we really are.

 

In a Galaxy Far Away

“The Force will be my guide” –  Je’daii Lanoree “Into the Void”

The Jedi understood the chaotic nature of reality. They appreciated the randomness and unpredictability of events. In order to achieve their purpose they sought to balance the Force within themselves. Emotions were kept in check but not repressed. Opinions mattered but were not accepted as absolute truth. Absolutes were rejected and ideas welcomed and judged by their merits and not by prejudice.

Behind the chaos of reality was the duality of the Force, the energies emitted by the light and dark sides of Ashla and Bogan. The goal of the Jedi was to seek balance within themselves through the Force. By achieving balance they could come closer to bringing balance and harmony to the galaxy.

Those that achieved balance with the Force were united with it. Through transmutation of the physical to the Force they became one with it and achieved enlightenment. This is the Star Wars depiction of transcendence to perfection. It may be fiction but it is inspired by eastern and western philosophies and traditions that we can use in our own spiritual journey.

 

 

The Middle Way

“The Middle Path is the way to Freedom” – Rumi

Seeking perfect practice backfired for me. I realized early in my recovery and now in my journey that perfection is a mirage. As we move closer to our idea of perfection we see it begin to vanish or move. Frustration replaces optimism. Fear begins to replace Faith and if we are not careful despair can overcome hope. I had to take the Middle Path and face reality or I risked falling back in to abuse.

Every day I see idealism taking precedent over realism in our society. I have largely tried to distance myself from the toxicity of it on the news and in social media. Dogmatic extremes shouting down rational and reasoned discourse has become the norm in our polarized world. Everything is out of balance. Realism has taken a back seat to extremism and the first casualties in this war have been objectivity, tolerance and global resilience.

The Buddha reminded us that we should all strive for enlightenment for the sake of all living things. Suffering is universal but with the right choices, it is optional. The Eight Fold Path can validate the Four Noble Truths in our lives and lead us out of suffering. At the same time the Buddha admonished those that chose the hard road to perfection. One who seeks enlightenment for his own sake can never find it. The Middle Way gives us a reality check. We can’t hope to progress with no effort or through a fanatical approach. Both lead to more suffering.

 

Transcend

“Luminous beings are we. Not this crude matter” – Yoda

Obi-Wan Kenobi, Yoda, Anakin and Luke Skywalker all transcended to the Force. Obi-Wan Kenobi and Yoda lived the Middle Path and transcended effortlessly. Anakin and Luke realized the truth more dramatically but it was their final acceptance of reality and surrender to the Force that led to their transcendence and enlightenment. They also chose the Noble Middle Path.

All humans have the potential to become enlightened but very few ever reach that summit of consciousness. Progress not perfection is the key in whatever journey we choose. Forgiving yourself for your mistakes and blunders will build resilience and compassion not anger and resentment. Accept that in reality things will rarely if ever go exactly as planned. We can only control our impressions, thoughts and opinions. What is not in our control is the body, circumstances, other people, money, status and the future. The important thing is using what we have to move forward in the Now. Faith, heart and resilience behind reason may not lead us to perfection but it will take us in that direction.

MTFBWY

 

Further Reading

“The Middle Way: Faith Grounded in Reason” by The Dalai Lama

Jedi sense disturbance

12 Step Jedi Death, Destiny, Force, Surrender, Uncategorized

32. Jedi can feel disturbances in the Force

If Jedi are mindful and are consciously connected to the Force, they can feel disturbances in the Force. Feeling Force disturbances usually happen after there has been some type of disaster, and/or a loss of life.

(33 Jedi Traits)
Did you ever get the feeling that something had happened to a friend or a loved one? For no reason they pop up in your mind and you just know. The nagging feeling in your gut that you should get an unusual lump checked out and it turns out to be the best thing you did for yourself and your family. These moments happen to most of us and we put them down to “gut feel”, “coincidence” or “luck”, when all we did is listen to that little voice we often ignore; the “sixth” sense.

 

“Energy doesn’t lie. Keep sensing it, trusting it, letting it liberate you” – Judith Orloff

 

Remote Sensing

A few years ago I was sitting quietly and suddenly I was struck by an overpowering sense that my Father had died. I did not know why and there was no one I could call to find out but I just knew. A feeling or a sense had passed over me that was hard to shake. I was only able to confirm his passing some time afterwards as we had been estranged for many years. My Father had died a skid row drunk on the other side of the country around the time I sensed it. There is no explaining it in terms that make sense. Sensing loss or tragedy is something we feel deep within our consciousness.

Mothers have a deep physical, emotional and spiritual connection to their children. A young Mother will wake and instinctively know her child is in distress and rush to attend to her. How often have we heard stories of Mothers sensing their child close to them as he lies wounded or dying in a war zone thousands of miles away? The Mother feels the loss deep within her heart and soul.

 

The Web

People have a natural ability to sense when things are not right. We feel it in our gut. Sometimes we choose to ignore it, most of the time we cannot pin point the cause but it is undeniable and it is our deeper consciousness trying to tell us something. We are all connected to each other and to the world we live in, every event ripples across the web of life.

When a forest is cleared in the Amazon it has an impact on the world and we feel it. Call it sensing or a “disturbance in the Force”, it is nature’s way of letting us know that the web has been disturbed. Some of us are just more sensitive than others.

 

Angst

During the 90’s the word “angst” came in to popular use. Angst described an ill at ease generation that was deeply concerned about the world and the way society was headed. At the time my angst was conveniently smothered with lots of booze, dope and grunge. I just didn’t want to know. Today that unease is more poignant and tangible; many people would agree that the world feels like it is careening towards some catastrophe.

 

Swimming against the Tide

It is no illusion that the global environment is in trouble. The degradation is accelerating towards a point of no return. The global economy is controlled by a powerful and centralized elite that is geared towards siphoning the world’s wealth in to the hands of a tiny minority. Governments seem to be working against the interests of the people. Corporate influence and a military agenda drive Government policy. War seems to be a perpetual state.

Our food, water and medicines are becoming over priced, non-nutritious and toxic. Education is being hijacked by sociopolitical agendas and students are taught not to think or question the mainstream. The media fuels an atmosphere of distrust and division among the people. Society has become filled with hate, bigotry, intolerance and rage.

 

“”I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. I fear something terrible has happened.” – Obi-Wan Kenobi

 

If you sometimes feel like you are swimming against the tide and don’t feel a part of the system you are not alone. If there is unease in your stomach and you prefer to avoid news reports, that’s normal. What you are feeling is not imagination or irrational anxiety but an acute awareness that the world seems to be going to hell in a basket. There is a disturbance in the Force and some of us can feel it, we are the lucky ones.

The vast majority of people in the world are obsessed with non-issues, the latest fashion trends and mindless consumerism. Society is sleep walking to the edge of a great chasm completely unaware of the peril.

 

Pay Attention

Being sober and being Jedi has taught me to pay close attention to my surroundings and to use all of my senses. The Path has also taught me to “have the serenity to accept the things I cannot change and the courage to change the things I can”. The reality is there is little we can do outside of our own power to change the world. We can still make small changes and do our own part to try to make a better world. Much of that choice is in the way we conduct ourselves and how we respond to emotions.

If society were to collapse tomorrow how would we react? Would we panic and abandon our principles? Do we continue to hope for the best but train ourselves for the worst? Can we face the future with resolve and dignity or will we revert to base savagery to survive? No matter what happens we still have a choice in how we respond to the emotion of Fear. We can choose to be Jedi.