Humor

12 Step Jedi Uncategorized, Virtues

Humor is a trait that is unique and innate to humans. We all like to have a laugh and we can all laugh at a joke and sometimes we do so at our own expense. Very often having a sense of humor is the greatest asset a person can have.

Humor is Universal (well almost)

The Jedi often appear to be the epitome of the stoic monk warrior; humorless, serious and void of emotion. The misconception is also often applied to the Stoics. When people describe the Stoics they imagine Leonard Nimoy as the Vulcan Spock in Star Trek.

“Kirk:  Mr. Spock. I suspect you’re becoming more and more human all the time.
Spock: Captain, I see no reason to stand here and be insulted….If I were a human I would tell you to go to Hell. If I were a human” – Star Trek

Vulcan’s really didn’t have emotion or it seems even a sense of humor. The reality for both the Stoics and the Jedi is actually the opposite. Jedi and Stoics believed in the healthy display of emotions, they were serious about their work, but not themselves.

The Stoics Seneca, Cato and Epictetus used humor particularly when faced with difficult situations like exile, imprisonment and the threat of death. Marcus Aurelius assailed on all sides by political foes, personal betrayal and a vast Barbarian army kept his wits about him and his feet on the ground through wit. The Roman Army adored him for it. The Stoics understood that the Gods played jokes on humans and that life was a comedy as well as a tragedy.

Insult Me!

One of the Stoic practices was to respond to insult through use of humor. There is nothing more disarming to an unpleasant or abusive person trying to insult you than to have their insult responded to with laughter and a joke. Why get angry and upset by hurtful words? Your mind is your own and you can take it as you want. Be offended or be tickled by an insult. Laughing off an abusive insult with a joke not only deflates a bully, it wins the respect and the laughter of bystanders.

No less, the Jedi Masters often saw the humor in the most unusual places. It kept them centered and lightened the mood when hope appeared lost and defeat seemed certain. Yoda and Obi-Wan often reverted to wit and “tongue in cheek” under stress. They saw no point in getting worked up about the situation; they dealt with the issue as it presented itself and used humor to help others cope.

“Lost a planet Master Obi-Wan has. How embarrassing.” – Yoda “Episode II: Attack of the Clones” to a group of Younglings after Obi-Wan has presented him with some bad news.

Humor Works

The humor was never used to belittle anyone but as a way to bring mindfulness to the moment. If you are having a bad day and everything is going wrong, you are stressed, worried and all over the place think of one funny thing, step back and consider the hilarity of the situation. Burst out in laughter. People around you may think you have gone mad but I guarantee you will relax and start to view your problems objectively and constructively. You will stop projecting all the horrible things that may happen but focus on what is actual and real.

When Yoda lay on his death bed in “Episode VI: Return of the Jedi” he was attended by Luke Skywalker who resisted the reality that Yoda was soon to die. The old Jedi Master knew his time was up and he accepted it with peace and equanimity as well as humor.

“When nine hundred years old you reach, look as good you will not.” – Yoda to Luke

Priceless.

Take a Jab

Sometimes the humor and wit backfired on the Jedi. Obi-Wan Kenobi was called to assist the Duchess of Mandalore in a crisis that had hit their system. The two had been lovers before Kenobi had taken the Jedi vows. In “The Clone Wars” episode “The Voyage of Temptation” the Duchess could not resist taking a jab at the man she still loved about a time he had saved her life:

“Satine Kryze: How could I forget? I still have the scar.

Obi-Wan Kenobi:  Begging your pardon, Duchess, I distinctly remember carrying you to safety.

Satine Kryze: I meant the scar I got after you fell and dropped me.”

Obi-Wan Kenobi:  Oh..

Later on it gets better

“Satine Kryze: Senators, I presume you are acquainted with the collection of half-truths and hyperbole known as Obi-Wan Kenobi?

Obi-Wan Kenobi: Your Highness is too kind.

Satine Kryze: You’re right, I am.”

The chemistry between the Obi-Wan and Satine is explosive and I wish there was a spin off movie that portrayed the romance between the two. Most would agree that a sense of humor and the ability to take jokes from those intimate to us and make harmless jibes in return is one of things that endears great affection between humans.

Squaddie Humor

In the Army humor was everything. Most civilians would be shocked at the crassness, the underhanded and the disgusting themes that color the soldiers humor. Nothing is sacred or spared. In the civilian world friendships would be abruptly ended and all communication cut off if such jibes and insults were exchanged. In a tight unit it leads to stronger bonding. You give as much as you get and you love the man doing it to you because he is your brother and you would die for him.  You still give him hell and rub his nose in it. The banter and jokes lightens the mood, gets the testosterone pumping and strengthens team morale.

“Foreplay, cuddling—a Jedi craves not these things” – Yoda

I remember one night after being awake for 72 hours and under canvas cleaning weapons the Platoon Sergeant came in to do an inspection which did not go well. After a bit of pointless yelling he declared that we were to be on parade in patrol order in 5 minutes for a forced march up a very tall mountain. Everyone stood there in mute shock, most of us had had enough. As soon as the Sergeant walked out of the tent one of the guys cracked a joke, an absolute gem and everyone burst in to fits of laughter. It broke the ice and we all knew we’d beat them. We ran up that mountain as a team and left no man behind. That’s the power of humor.

Like an Army Drill Instructor, Yoda could also have fun with his student..

Yoda: “Mysterious are the ways of the Force.”
Luke: “Did you just make me stand on my head for two hours because I was annoying you?”
Yoda: “Very mysterious.”

Pack up yer Troubles

Without a doubt one of the tools in our recovery kit bag is humor. It is indispensable. Use it and use it as often as you like. If you are anything like me a lot of people will not appreciate your sense of humor but who cares? Laugh anyway as long as it’s not at anyone’s misfortune. Always use your humor and wit to help not hurt. Never spare a Laugh.

“So we think cheerfulness and laughter make for usefulness. Outsiders are sometimes shocked when we burst into merriment over a seemingly tragic experience out of the past. But why shouldn’t we laugh? We have recovered, and have been given the power to help others.” – The Big Book p. 32

Commitment

12 Step Jedi Control, Philosophy, Principles, Purpose, Training, Uncategorized

“A Jedi must have the deepest commitment, the most serious mind.” – Yoda “Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back”.

The Noble Path

In the Noble Eight Fold Path of Buddhism the virtue of commitment is inferred twice. Right Resolve is the first practice and is the act of making a conscience decision and acting on it. This may mean renunciation of a former way of life and the acceptance of a new path. Old habits and modes of thought are put aside and replaced with a philosophy and system of belief.  The mendicant would be adopting a new way of life which would involve renunciation of property, family ties and romantic love.

The second practice is Right Effort, having accepted the new way of life and training, the mendicant then applies consistently the principles underpinning their practice. This may include meditation, mental discipline, physical training, study and devotion.

Right Resolve and Right Effort both demonstrate commitment.

Commitment was crucial to the Jedi. Right Resolve was taking the vow to enter the Jedi Order and accepting the Jedi Code as the tenet governing behavior. As the Jedi progressed through training their resolve was continuously tested. The Jedi Trials were used as rituals to assess the progress of the Jedi Padawan on their journey to Knighthood.

The Trials of Life

Trial of Skill, the Trial of Courage, the Trial of the Flesh, the Trial of Spirit, and the Trial of Insight were used to test the Jedi. In “The Empire Strikes Back” Luke Skywalker undergoes Jedi Trials before he leaves his training early to rescue his friends and confront Darth Vader.

Right Effort was applied throughout the life of a Jedi to the moment of death. Every thought, word and act of the Jedi was to be in accordance with the Jedi Code. Mindfulness in every aspect of life was applied. The effort  to achieve this would require great commitment and self discipline.

Commitment to a Philosophy of Life takes effort and resolve. Being Jedi is not easy. Applying valued principles from the Buddha, Jesus and the Stoics takes self discipline. I sometimes wonder if I’m not playing some joke on myself and then I remember that one of the virtues is  also humor.

“If you commit to philosophy, be prepared at once to be laughed at and made the butt of many snide remarks. “ – Epictetus, Enchiridion 20.

Effort is Rewarded

Commitment is also tested in the real world. Our resolve and effort in staying sober is tested daily. We are assessed by our loved one’s, our friends and our employers. In the Army some of the guys I served with applied to enter in to the elite special forces community. The selection courses they completed were in many ways like the Jedi trials. They were continuously tested for their physical, mental and emotional fitness, their ability to make decisions under pressure, their perseverance and resolve and ultimately their character was under the microscope.

Those who failed returned devastated. Those who passed were moved on through their training as SF Operators and rarely seen again. When they were encountered they seemed different and they were different, they were better versions of themselves. I stood in awe and respect at what they had achieved.

I now stand in awe at what I have achieved in the last few years of recovery. My life is “a daily reprieve” and I owe it to the “Grace of God”. My effort was only to hold up my end of the bargain and not pick up a drink. I also made the commitment of “drop the rock” through Steps 6 and 7 and let go of my character faults and live in accordance with my values. This takes effort. I know what it takes and when I encounter another recovering addict I know the pain they have gone through and I stand in awe and respect.

“I believe life is constantly testing us for our level of commitment, and life’s greatest rewards are reserved for those who demonstrate a never-ending commitment to act until they achieve. This level of resolve can move mountains, but it must be constant and consistent. As simplistic as this may sound, it is still the common denominator separating those who live their dreams from those who live in regret” – Tony Robbins

One Day at a Time

Commitment starts at Step 1. The moment we admit our disease and powerlessness over our addiction is the moment we commit to taking the first step to claiming the power to recover. What does it take? Everything. Do you need Right Resolve and Right Effort? Everyday and “one day at a time”.

“But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain. On the contrary, I worked harder than any of them, though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me.“ – Corinthians 15:10

The commitment required to stay sober and to live a life of continuous self improvement is by its very nature a hard slog. We trudge along in our recovery, one step at a time, one moment at a time. In our way appear obstacles and pit falls. We go down and we get back up and we keep going. Sometimes our mind is screaming for us to stop, yet out hearts and something more powerful within us keeps us going. We keep going because to stop and to quit is to die.

Go Hard

Every day we are on selection. Everyday we are working for our special forces tab. We get up, we get through the day, we thank our Higher Power and we claim renewed strength to get through another day. It takes effort and commitment all day every day.

“The only limit to your impact is your imagination and commitment…there is no abiding success without commitment” – Tony Robbins
Your only limit is the boundaries that you set yourself. You are far more powerful than you know and it shows with your commitment in everything that you do. Today when you get up, own the day, commit to that and gut it.
“Hooah!” – Army Slogan

Love

12 Step Jedi Attachment, Control, Dark Side, Ego, Force, Love, Relationships, Uncategorized

“Attachment is forbidden. Possession is forbidden. Compassion, which I would define as unconditional love, is essential to a Jedi’s life. So you might say, that we are encouraged to love” – Anakin “Episode II: Attack of the Clones”.

One Word

Of all the words in existence the the word used to mean “Love” carries the most meaning to people.

What is Love? What does it mean? Countless songs, poems and stories have been written about it. Most of us intuitively know it but few can articulate in words what it is even to themselves. We know how it feels and we also know that Love comes in different flavors.

The Fictional Jedi were forbidden to love another in the ordinary sense. They were in fact expected to Love all sentient beings. The key role of the Jedi was service to others. Buddhism carries the same precept called “Loving Kindness” (Mettā). A Buddhist seeking enlightenment does so for the benefit of all sentients, so that they may be released from samsara, the eternal karmic cycle of life and death. Enlightenment is not sought for the benefit of the Bodhisattva but for all to ease suffering (Dukkha). Yoda and Obi-Wan Kenobi demonstrated a similar commitment when they abandoned the “crude matter” of their bodies and surrendered their souls, bringing balance to the Force.

The goal of Jedi Philosophy is to provide the path for people seeking to improve themselves. We realize that the way to achieve fulfillment and happiness is through service to others. Selfless service and giving of self requires Love not love.

“World betterment through self betterment” – Kevin Trout “The Jedi Circle”

Love and love

Love with a capital “L” is unconditional Love. It is the Love that transcends personal concerns and the Ego. Love is all embracing, liberating, all forgiving, all encompassing, omnipotent and omnipresent. It binds all of creation together. It atones completely and sets free. All life is an expression of the Force. Love is the Force.

The Love of a mother for her child, the love of sacrificing one’s life for another, the love between comrades in arms and the deep and enduring love between two people that transcends the physical and life. That is unconditional Love.

“Are you allowed to love? I thought that was forbidden for a Jedi.” – Padme Amidala “Episode II: Attack of the Clones”

When Padmé Amidala challenged Anakin on his capacity to Love another she was right but she was also wrong. Anakin could not attach to carnal love but he could express unconditional Love.

Love with a lower case “l” is called ordinary love. It binds, controls and fears loss. Jealousy is harbored in ordinary love and grasping attachment keeps it moored there. Ordinary love cannot sail, it is not free and it is controlled by the Ego.

Love as Suffering

It was the ordinary love that destroyed Anakin. The attachment and fear of losing Padme, his wife and the anger that burned in him was exploited by the Dark Lord. Unconditional Love would have allowed Anakin to set Padme free and defeat Darth Sidious. Instead he chose to control something that cannot be controlled and lost it all.

Anakin also loved Obi-Wan Kenobi like a Father. Perhaps because he never had a Father and had lost his mother Anakin grasped at anything that gave him meaning. It was a need that consumed him and others. As an Orphan myself I can appreciate the pain, fear and anger, the grasping attachment.

“Why do I get the feeling you’re going to be the death of me?” – Obi-Wan Kenobi

“Don’t say that Master… You’re the closest thing I have to a father… I love you. I don’t want to cause you pain. ” – Anakin “Episode III: Revenge of the Sith”

Obi-Wan Kenobi also loved Anakin but he was able to fight him because of that Love. I can only surmise that Obi-Wan’s pity and compassion for what little remained of his friend prevented him from slaying Anakin on the lava flows of Mustafa. Anakin was dead already and only Darth Vader remained. Obi-Wan felt unconditional Love for what was left of his beloved friend and could not take Life in such a way no matter how twisted and evil it was.

In the fight between Love and Hate, Love will prevail.

In the final confrontation between Luke and Darth Vader on the Death Star II it was unconditional Love that reunites Father and Son and destroyed the Dark Lord. Love does conquer all.

False Love

Alcoholism was the Dark Side in my life. Love was a word I used but it was not real. We may feel what we believe is Love but it is only an object that we desire and grasp on to. Love that is grasped and bound cannot breath and it cannot last.

“I can’t live without you”, “I need you”, “You complete me, I’m nothing without you”, “You belong to me”, “I hurt you because I love you” were the kinds of words I used. In reality I only loved myself and the bottle. I would choose booze over the feelings of others. Love in thought does not match Love in action.

We weep at love lost because it was never about the other person but what we wanted and were attached to. Addiction does not allow unconditional Love to flow. It stifles it.

“If you love someone, set them free.” – Richard Bach

Love sets Free

I found Unconditional Love in the most unexpected place. In the mental and psychic black hold of “Rock Bottom” I imagined myself dying in suffering, self pity and self hate. I called for help and my Higher Power saved me and set me free from my addiction. It was unconditional Love that bought me back to sanity and in to recovery.

The feeling glowed within me for days. I felt like I had the deepest Love for all things. Every rock, tree and animal I saw, every person I passed I felt unconditional Love for. I believe I had transcended to another dimension of existence. At the fundamental level we are spiritual beings having a human experience and we are all made of unconditional Love.

In the rooms you feel compassion and Love for the fellow suffering alcoholic. You feel it when you see those that suffer. It is not pity, it is unconditional Love. Our Ego is the only filter, the only limitation to that pure Love.

In recovery we learn who we were, who we are and who we will likely be if we stay on the beam. Love like spiritually is a personal journey. We can seek advice on affairs of the heart but it is up to each of us how to use our intrinsic capacity to love. Love is who you are so you can’t go wrong.

I believe that Love never dies. We take it with us. The ego dies and so does ordinary love but Love with a capital L is eternal.

“Love, not time, heals all wounds” – Anonymous

Focus

12 Step Jedi Uncategorized

 

“Always remember, your focus determines your reality” – Qui-Gon Jinn

Focus

If you focus on wrongs you energize anger, resentment and frustration. If you focus on forgiveness you energize patience, tolerance and compassion. Focusing on fault leads to accusation and fails to lead to resolution. Shifting attention to finding a solution energizes action.

It is better to say “things are tough right now but it will get better with hard work” than “Why me? Life is not fair! Nothing I do seem to matter”. The attitude that you bring will determine your focus. Your focus will set the color of your day and ultimately the tone of your life. Unhappy people generally have unhappy lives.

Focus on the negative and we energize it. Throw a positive light on anything and we give it life. Always focus on where you want to go. Focus on what is in our control as opposed to what is not. What we focus on and energize ultimately determines our life.

“If you change your mind your conditions must change too. We are transformed by the renewing of our minds.” – Emmet Fox

The Seven Day Diet

One of the hardest mental exercises I have ever tried is the “seven day mental diet” as suggested by Emmet Fox. The exercise takes extreme focus and attention on our moods, emotions and thoughts. We are applying mindfulness to every moment of the day. We soon begin to realize that our mind is like a tree of chattering monkeys. We barely have control over the mind.

“You must train yourself to choose the subject of your thinking at any given time and also to choose the emotional tone, or what we call the mood that colors it” – Emmet Fox

Our thoughts, concerns and moods shift continuously rarely remaining static for long. Emotions change through the day in response to internal and external stimuli. One minute we feel content and happy, the next we are in a self made drama clouded with anger, fear or sadness. Much of the time we are largely oblivious to why.

We are slaves to the very tool we need to master to achieve equanimity, peace and serenity, our mind.

Mind Control

The seven day mental diet is an experience in mind control. To achieve even a day of the diet is an outstanding achievement. To go the entire seven days without entertaining a negative thought or emotion is truly a feat. A Jedi would be hard pressed to achieve it for that amount of time.

“Make up your mind to devote one week solely to the task of building a new habit of thought and during that week let everything in life be unimportant as compared with that” – Emmet Fox

The key of course is focus. Images, thoughts and impressions drift in and out of consciousness all of the time. Some are passive like passing clouds and others are intrusive demanding our attention and response. It may not seem like it at times but what we choose to focus on is entirely within our power. You have the potential to rein in your mind and harness its potential.

“For seven days you must not allow yourself to dwell for a single moment on any kind of negative thought. You must watch yourself as a cat watches a mouse…you must not under any pretence allow your mind to dwell on any thought that is not positive, constructive, optimistic, kind.” – Emmet Fox.

Take the Challenge

Try the seven day mental diet. Give it a go. Your ego will hate it but you will be astounded by the effect it has on you. I agree with Emmet Fox that it is one of the most truly outstanding things you can do. To summarize this is how it works:

  1. Set a day and time to commence the diet. Any day or time will work however it is best to start in the morning as you rise fresh. Prepare mentally the night before.
  2. For seven days pay very close attention to where your mind is at. Focus on where your thoughts are leading. The goal is to immediately put out any negative train of thought. The diet is to refuse energizing any negative thoughts or emotions.
  3. Any self defeating, self deprecating, attacking or negative thoughts that enters in to your consciousness must be immediately silenced before they elicit an emotional or behavioral response from you. Do not struggle with the thought, simply let it go.
  4. If you can avoid situations or people you are sure will get the better of you. The diet most often fails early. The longer you can go the easier it will be.
  5. Be honest. If you get angry at someone cutting you off in traffic or harbor resentment for even a moment you have fallen of the diet. You must start again. Take a few days and when you are ready start afresh.
  6. Note: If you unsure if you have broken the diet just ask yourself did this thing or person cause you to invest negative emotions? Did you focus on it? If so you have broken the diet. If still unsure look inward, your heart will reveal the truth. Fleeting thoughts and emotions do not count as long as you arrest them before they take hold.
  7. Journal each day on the diet. Like progression in any exercise you will find the more you do it the better you will get. Don’t get frustrated (that’s a fail) just learn from where you went wrong and try again. After a while it actually gets fun and you learn a lot about yourself as you are paying close attention to where you focus yourself. You are your own observer for a week, watching a 24 hour reality show about you!
  8. Keep it to yourself. Don’t tell people what you aim to do. I find that boasting a project or plans to friends and family can render it to the “later” pile or guarantee failure. Stephen King himself said he would never discuss a planned book with anyone until it was written. If you attempt the seven day mental diet and succeed by all means share your experience.

A copy of Emmet Fox’s pamphlet “The Seven Day Mental Diet” can be found here. The piece was written in the 1930’s but remains as relevant today as it did during the Great Depression.

Training is Life

12 Step Jedi Purpose, Self Esteem, Service, Training, Uncategorized, Virtues

 

“Training to be a Jedi is not an easy challenge, and even if you succeed, it’s a hard life.” – Qui-Gon Jinn

Life is Suffering

Life is hard and so is recovery. Our daily practices, applying principles and proactively working on self improvement all take effort. Change was never meant to be easy. It can be damn hard. Sometimes it can take everything you have.

The Jedi had a training program which included years of Temple Study in Lore, Ethics, History and Diplomacy as well as physical and martial arts training. There were long hours of meditation and light saber combat. The Jedi student was assigned to a Jedi Knight who acted as mentor and teacher. The apprenticeship lasted as long as was required to satisfy the Jedi Council of the Jedi’s competency. There were also trials the Jedi student had to pass. Training continued for life and Jedi rose in rank as they demonstrated mastery and skill. The Jedi also realized that even after hundreds of years of dedicated training they had not learned everything there was to know.

In recovery there is no graduation day or total mastery where we claim a cure from alcoholism and the problems of life. We may be recovered and strong in our sobriety however we are not immune from life. We can never truly rarely say we are cured and then return to drinking assured that we will be able to drink normally. There is always doubt, we might relapse back in to alcoholism. We don’t know everything and we never will. There is always more to learn so even the wisest and most experienced old timer never stops learning. If one is wise he will not grow arrogant and drink again.

To claim “complete mastery” over any subject and announce that there is nothing more to learn is fool hardy at best, dangerous at worst.

The Best School in the World

I like to say that the only alma mater that matters is the “school of hard knocks”. After years of formal study and training in various professions my greatest life lessons have come out of the hard experiences in life. The let downs, the disappointments and rejections, the failures and falls. The Buddha said that life is comprised of 10 000 joys and 10 000 sorrows. We shed a torrent of tears in a life time. We all experience the suffering of life. The experience makes us smarter and stronger. We learn from our mistakes and our misfortunes. In doing so we grow.

Some of these times in our life truly sucked, they were hard and tough but we got through them and they made us a better person. An old Martial Arts instructor once told me that anyone can wear a black belt. They cost a few dollars but only the person who has poured heart and soul in to their training can claim any meaning to that milestone. Its not the belt, but the pain, suffering and perseverance that it represents which matters. The black belt takes years to earn through dedicated training and application but only a moment to lose through poor choices. The Sensei can take it away at anytime, it is a distinction not an entitlement.

You only get out of life what you put in. Hard work will always pay off in the end.

In the same way I view sobriety. My sobriety is a “daily reprieve contingent to the maintenance of my spiritual condition“. What exactly does that mean? To me it means I must work daily to ensure that I get through each day. My aim is to improve with every day, to rise each day a better person than I was yesterday. I do this through Training and practical application of what I have learned. I know that if I become complacent and drop the ball I may backslide, I can end up back in the hole I put myself in all those years ago.

Daily Practice

My daily routine is a simple one but it does take effort. The benefits cannot be understated. Very often what we most need is routine and a set of goals. The best way to set goals is to break them down. With simple and achievable targets that challenge you, you will progress. Over time you ratchet up the effort a little. Always start slow but be consistent and work to improve.

My daily routine comprises of practices I have adopted from the 12 Steps, the Jedi Path and the Stoics. Feel free to come up with your own program and stick to it for a while, then modify if required to suit your lifestyle, limitations and needs.

Morning

  • On rising, practice a short period of gratitude. Remind yourself of one or two things you have to be grateful for as you come in to this day.
  • Welcome the  day. A new day means new opportunity. Be thankful for it. Every morning I try to greet the sunrise in its splendor. Otherwise I take a quiet moment and imagine the sun coming up over the horizon. I take a moment to contemplate the grand scale of the cosmos and infinite time and to remember that I choose life.
  • Spend a minute as you get ready for work or your days activities to plan the day. Set in your mind or on paper three things you aim to achieve today.
  • Consider the things that may go wrong. Remind yourself that through the day you will encounter people who are rude and obstinate and your plans may get derailed. Resolve not to let them beat you down.
  • Do my daily Readings.

During the Day

  • Do one act of kindness every day to someone. It can be anything, random or predetermined; an offer of assistance or help to someone struggling with a load, giving up my seat on the bus, a simple courtesy such as opening the door. A smile or kind word or an act of charity.
  • Deny myself something nice or practice some form of denial to remind myself not to get too attached to comforts and ease. I practice periodic intermittent fasting on occasion. In addition to reminding myself that food is a precious resource not to be taken for granted I find that occasional fasting makes me feel better. I may decide to leave my jacket at home on a cold day. Run the occasional cold shower!
  • Take a moment to undertake negative visualization. Consider a realistic scenario that might occur which could ultimately change your life or at least make it unpleasant. This could include ill health, unemployment, poverty, ridicule or hate from others, betrayal by friends or colleagues. Imagine yourself dealing with the situation and overcoming it; see yourself practicing acceptance and equanimity.
  • Do at least 30 minutes of exercise or physical training (this can also be in the morning or evening). Remember to have rest days to avoid over training (Stretch / Yoga on off days).

Evening

  • Spend at least 20 minutes in meditation (this can also be during the day or in the morning).
  • Review the day, what went right, what went wrong and consider how I can improve.
  • Journal my thoughts.
  • Take some quiet time, relax.
  • Thank the Force for another day.

Redemption

12 Step Jedi 12 Steps, Amends, Forgiveness, Humility, Uncategorized

When Anakin had succumbed to his fears, anger and hate and fallen to the dark side the person that he was died. In his place rose Darth Vader, a dark shadow of his former self and a slave to the Dark Lord. In “Episode VI: The Return of the Jedi”, Darth Vader finally realizes who he truly is and finding the love for his son Luke, he turns on his Master, Darth Sidious. The redemption of Anakin was the final end of Darth Vader.

“I’ll not leave you now. I’ve got to save you.” – Luke Skywalker

“You already have.” – Anakin Skywalker

The Chains of Addiction

The fall of Anakin and the emergence of a twisted and tormented Darth Vader in the same body can be viewed as a metaphor for suffering and the slavery of addiction. How many people have we encountered in our lives who changed so utterly through addiction that they were barely recognizable? Family and friends no longer knew them and they no longer knew themselves.

The effects of drug and alcohol addiction carries an insidious toll on a person’s life and on their psyche. I became morally compromised and spiritually bankrupt through alcoholism though I did not see it at the time. The difference between who I had been and who I became was stark.

By destroying Darth Sidious and saving his son, the chains that had held Anakin in the form of Darth Vader finally came off. He  emerges from the dark place where he had been imprisoned and tortured for decades as a mere slave to fear, anger and hatred. As Anakin lies dying he atones for the past. He forgives and is forgiven and finds redemption at last. Anakin is set free and is reunited with the Force.

Inventory

Realizing the truth of who we are and what we have done through our alcoholism can be painful but it is also liberating. I remember one of the most emotional experiences I have ever had was completing my inventory in Step 4.  Admitting it to my Higher Power and sharing it with another in Step 5 was to finally free myself from the bondage of the past. I saw at last who I had been and the damage I had done to myself and others. There was another way and I could forgive myself and build a new life.

“Step 4: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.”

“Step 5: Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.”

After sharing my story I felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off. I was ready to change and I wanted to right the wrongs of the past. Filled with hope for the future I looked forward to making amends and claiming a sober life. The clouds parted and at last it felt as if a door had opened and I had passed through to a new dimension a free man.

Amends

Several years ago when I was still drinking I learned that my Father had passed away as a skid row drunk. He had been dry when I had last seen him 25 years earlier but we became estranged and I never spoke to him again. In time he became little more than a rumor. The news was that he moved around a lot and was back “on the sauce”.

Over the years I often wondered what I would say if we met again and whether I could forgive him. There had been anger for years for a miserable childhood. I  blamed my drinking and many of my troubles on him. There were so many faults I so despised in him that I had revealed in myself. Like Luke Skywalker I was in danger of falling to the Dark Side, like his Father and indeed in the end it had me.

When I learned that my Father had died my feelings were mixed. Part of me did not care, another part was sad and the last part was angry I had been robbed of an opportunity to tell him how he had ruined so many lives including my own. My reaction was to simply get drunk in response to the news. I was more like him than I dared admit.

Forgive

When I compiled my list of amends in Step 8 I placed my Father near the top of the list. The predicament of course was that he had died the previous year. I said a prayer and Forgave him and asked for forgiveness in return. With that I blessed his memory and made peace at last with a painful part of my life. Perhaps someday we will meet again on the other side of the veil where these things will no longer matter.

Forgiveness and making amends is one of the most powerful experiences that anyone in recovery can experience. The humility and compassion that we discover during the inventory and disclosure of our faults is further cultivated as we put aside resentment and pride and seek to atone for the past. We also begin to find redemption as Anakin did by seeking forgiveness and by forgiving others. Most of all we find the power to forgive ourselves and move on.

MTFBWY

Future

12 Step Jedi Control, Emotional Sobriety, Mindfulness, Perception, Uncategorized

“You cannot prevent what you cannot see coming. You can only do what you think is right at each moment as you live it. We can plan, hope, and dread the future. What we cannot do is know it.” – Qui-Gon Jinn

We spend a lot of time “time traveling”. We reflect on the past or project in to the Future playing out scenarios, ruminating or dreaming. Most of the time our minds are focused on getting to a destination in time, place or circumstance. Rather than living in the moment we focus our mind on plans and outcomes at some point in the future while not ruminating on the Past.

Unlike the past which cannot be altered or changed the future is not set. Every decision made every moment shifts the forward trajectory. We often marvel at the serendipity of events or their complete and utter chance and circumstance. The insignificant choices that you make, what you decide to do or say at any given moment can have an impact that carries on for years and decades. It can affect your life in innumerable ways and the lives of others too.

The daily decision to remain sober for example is a good example. I choose sobriety and in making that decision I influence the future. Not only my future but also those close to me and perhaps someone I have never met before. If I chose the opposite and took a drink I would set in motion a chain of events in consequence to that decision. I would likely get drunk, upset those close to me, fail in my duties and possibly, even, get in to a car and have an accident that cause the death or life time injury to another.  All of these things can flow from the decisions I choose. I have partial control over the future and therefore I have an inherent responsibility in the outcomes.

Power over the Future

I partially disagree with Qui-Gon Jinn on the first note “you cannot prevent”. It is true that things will happen that are completely out of our control. For example, the economy can turn sour and mass unemployment can directly impact on us. The Government can change policies which affect our ability to pay for Health Care or Education. A freak accident can occur on our way to work. Some things are completely out of our control, some things aren’t. I can still take action now that prepares me for the unforeseen. I still have a degree of control over how I choose to respond.

We can  prevent what we cannot see coming. We are not powerless in recovery or in life or anything. I may not have control over most things but I do have partial control over some things.

Where my own thoughts and conducts is concerned, I do have full control. I have control over my mind. In the event that I get drunk however I forfeit much of that control. Once I take a drink I lose my choices. I am no longer responsible or competent but tragically I still have an impact on the future.

Premeditatio malorum

One of the ways I deal with the “things I cannot change” is to practice the Stoic exercise of Premeditatio malorum* or negative visualization. Without slipping in to morbid contemplation I will visualize scenarios that “might occur”. For example I will entertain losing my job due to redundancy, getting in to arrears on my mortgage and losing my house. This of course leads to stress on my marriage which might culminate in separation and divorce. Rather than causing anxiety and panic for something that seems rather common today, I train myself mentally to accept the outcome in advance and continue to do my best in life.  I accept that it will suck and it will hurt and cause a lot of hardship but I also know that I’ve been through worse and things will turn out OK.

The exercise also reminds me to be grateful for my job, car, house, marriage and life. All of these things being transient and impermanent. They are still important at least to me, however I have to be prepared for the worst.

In my line of work we are constantly doing risk assessments. “”What If” scenarios are used to factor in unforeseen outcomes and hidden hazards. We cannot premeditate every thing but we take the time to think things through, develop a plan and add flexibility to account for surprises. We plan to succeed but we also prepare for failure. This is something that any one can apply in to their lives. Being sober is accepting that life is not going to be “happily forever after” all the time.

The Power of Now

We have the power through our own choices to affect our own lives and the lives of others. Powerlessness suggests the opposite and being recovered, being sober is being empowered.

“ I am powerfully recovered” – Anne Wayman ”Powerfully Recovered”

The best we can do is to live moment to moment in accordance with our principles. It is true that we cannot not know the Future. I personally don’t believe that a crystal ball or the morning paper horoscope reveals anything credible. I don’t use that to plan my day.

“We can plan, hope and dread the future”, but perhaps it is better to focus on how we can make a better future through the choices that we make in the present. You can make goals and plans and dream of a better future but action happens in the now. Get to work and adjust your sails when you need to as the winds of fate will change. Embrace that.

“Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.” – Buddha

*Further information on Negative Visualization can be found here

Vision

12 Step Jedi Perception, Training, Uncategorized

“Your eyes can deceive you.Don’t trust them” – Obi-Wan Kenobi “Episode 4: A New Hope”.

What do we perceive when we see with our eyes? Most people would say that what is seen is what exists. That our eyes do not deceive us. Vision is more than just the eyes.

The eye are only one of the five senses that help with orienting the body in space. The eyes project light emitted by “reality” as colors, depth and shapes to receptors in the retina. The receptors then convert the light signals in to electrical signals which are then conveyed to the part of the brain in the visual cortex where they are processed as images and interpreted by the brain.

The reality is that how We perceive something may be different between individuals. Pink and green will appear differently to different people. What I see may not appear the same to the next guy.

A time lag also exists between the moment an object is observed to the moment it is mentally processed and recognized. A bird taking flight from a branch will already have flown by the time we register it.

The stars are light years away. A star we see may in fact no longer exist. The event has not reached us yet. When we look at the Stars we are peering at the past.

Reality is an Illusion

Some scientists now suggest that reality only seems to exist because our consciousness perceives it. If consciousness did not exist then neither would the universe. If a tree falls in a forest but no one is there did it happen?

The nature of matter and energy is largely unknown. Quantum physics suggests that matter is essentially packets of energy at the fundamental sub particle level. That time and reality at that level is nonsensical and chaotic unlike the seeming order of the Universe at the cosmic level.

Physicists point out that at the atomic level resides a nucleus comprised of sub atomic particles that are essentially energy. Each nucleus is surrounded by a sphere of magnetic force in which moves electrons shifting in time and space. Matter therefore is energy which can be expressed in mathematical terms.

When I see something I am perceiving something that is not really there. When I touch something I am not really touching it, I am encountering the electrical tension of the atoms.

Use the Force

The lesson here is we should use our eyes but not to rely on them solely as a gauge of reality. Our eyes can deceive. We should make use  of all our faculties and our intuition to get a true picture.

Unlike the Fictional Jedi it is highly unlikely many of us have Force Powers that give us a heightened sense of perception. There is probably some people who posses “vision”, an ability to sense things that few of us can. Call it the third eye, sixth sense or transcendent awareness.

Scientists have postulated that our ancestors had a “third eye” at the partially dormant pineal gland. As civilization evolved and humans became separated from nature the faculty receded. Most people have some level of intuition and in children it can be quite high. Meditation, prayer and contemplation has been shown to enhance the parts of the brain involved in subconscious thought.

One thing I have noticed in recovery is a growing gradual awareness. I still need my eyes to see in front of me and to interact with my environment but the vision is deeper and sharper. With sobriety comes clarity and a heightened sense of awareness.  Reality begins to come in to sharper focus. We are no longer so easily misled by our eyes as we used to be. We are seeing with sober eyes.

Teach

12 Step Jedi Uncategorized

“Always pass on what you have learned.” – Yoda

In the scene on Dagaboh in the “Episode 6: Return of the Jedi”, Yoda speaks to Luke Skywalker as he takes his final breaths. Teacher to Student he admonishes Luke to beware of the Dark Side, to avoid anger, fear and aggression. To not underestimate the power of Evil and to pass on to others what he has learned. Teach others.  In a few short phrases these words give Luke Skywalker the keys to redemption. Did Luke actually end up taking any of that sage advice? Did he Teach anyone?

In “Episode 7: The Force Awakens” we find Luke in the final scene on the Ocean Planet of Ahch-To face to face with the character Rey. I have no clues as to what happens next but my guess is the Luke will teach Rey how to be a Jedi in the next episode “The Last Jedi”. I’m sure he will not be thrilled about it but he will do as Yoda instructed. Luke Skywalker may at last pass on what he has learned.

“Teaching is a privilege” – Obi-wan Kenobi “The Clone Wars”.

My sense is that Luke like his father Anakin will be a hesitant teacher at the start but will soon warm to the task and become an excellent mentor to his Padawan. Teaching someone anything, in particular life skills is never easy. It can be frustrating and it takes a lot of patience. Look at parenting for example. Despite the hard work, the rewards are immeasurable.

 

A Privilege

Training, mentoring and contributing to the knowledge and personal development of a person is a privilege. I personally think Teachers in our society are underrated. They have the responsibility of teaching the future after all. Why is it that they seem to be undervalued when they hold such a precious position?

As a recovering alcoholic I also have a responsibility to share what I have learned for the benefit of others. I have learned from others and using that knowledge and experience I have recovered and grown. It is now my turn to pass that on to others and keep the flow going. It is a never ending cycle. By giving it away, we get to keep it.

“A river flows into the Dead Sea and stops. A river flows into a clear pool and flows out again. We get and then we give. If we do not give, we do not keep” – Anonymous, Twenty Four Hours a Day, December 13.

 

Pay if Forward

The Fictional Jedi were big on training and mentoring and dedicated immense resources and time to it. Every Jedi Knight was expected to share in the teaching of Younglings and Padawan’s. In this way the future of the order was guaranteed. In the real world there is no “brick and mortar” Temple where people go to learn to be Jedi. Most of the training is done online*. People invest their time and money to teaching complete strangers what they have learned on the Jedi Path and for no expectation of reward. The act of teaching and mentoring, seeing someone benefit and grow, is its own reward.

Step 12 is the service maintenance step. One of the ways in which service to others is rendered in AA is by “passing on what you have learned”. It is the only way the movement stays alive, by people passing on their personal story, their journey from despair to hope and recovery. They inspire and give hope to those that doubt and suffer. Some go further and sponsor fellow Alcoholics giving up their time and more. Others share and provide support in the rooms or online. These are small acts that make a difference in people’s lives; together they help to heal the world.

“Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs” – Step 12

Commit to one small act of teaching every day, a piece of wisdom that brings a smile or hope to someone. Aspire to impart your knowledge and experience to help another. Nothing is trivial. A few words may make all the difference in the life of another. It is a privilege and the Joy of Living.

“The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.” – Mahatma Gandhi

*You can read about the Online Jedi Community Here

 

Adventure

12 Step Jedi Purpose, Serenity, Service, Uncategorized, Virtues

“Adventure. Excitement. A Jedi craves not these things.” – Yoda

Probably the coolest thing in the world when I was a kid was the thought of being a Jedi. There seemed no grander ambition than to be a Jedi Knight.  I would defend the weak and fight against tyranny and seek out adventure. The Jedi was a boys own adventure and like boys and girls around the world we played at pretend. I remember I used to run up one hill to see what was on the other side and seeing another hill I would run to that one. The horizon had an appeal, it called to me.

I grew up craving adventure. If I had been honest during my interview with the Army I would have said I was there for the adventure. Years later I left because the experience had not satisfied my urge. With my childlike yearning to go beyond the next horizon I wandered the world for years seeking adventure and excitement.

The need for excitement extended to alcohol. Booze gave that sense of freedom and adventure that many of us seek. It was addictive. With a drink I was alive, my imagination was fired. I could be anything I wanted to be. No matter where I went I found a party and friends to drink with and toast life. I would mix with people of all walks of life, cultures and languages and immerse myself in incredible experiences.

It would be dishonest if I said that some of these times were not some of the most enriching and enjoyable of all my years on Earth. I would not trade them in for anything. There was a darker side to the story, as there always is.

Meaning or Hedonism

When life is all about shallow and transient sensual experiences and indulgences it suddenly loses meaning. I always thought that the whole point of life was to live the fullest life imaginable. An enlightened form of Hedonism.

Alcohol, drugs and sex were part of that rich tapestry of experience. I convinced myself that I was being deep and spiritual as I got stoned and drunk or sought out one night stands with complete strangers. I was simply using people, place and things for my own pleasure.

The decades rolled on and I can say I have lived a full life but it is not without regret. My quest for experience and adventure led me astray for many years. Alcohol robbed me of the opportunity for meaningful experiences. There are so many things I could have done, so many places I could have seen and people I could have got to know was it not for the desire for instant and mindless gratification.

True Experience

There is no sin in adventure and excitement. Any meaningful experience that enriches our lives is worth it. It can be as simple as getting up early enough to see the sunrise or sleeping under the stars in the desert. My most memorable moment was seeing my daughter’s eyes for the first time and feeling something in me I had never felt before; a mix of complete awe and unconditional love. Having children is the greatest adventure.

At times I get the urge to embark on another boys adventure. I guess I will always have the Gypsy blood, the yearning for the horizon.  Like the poem by Robert W Service I will always be one of the men “who don’t fit” in:

‘There’s a race of men that don’t fit in,
A race that can’t stay still;
So they break the hearts of kith and kin,
And they roam the world at will.”

Reece

Two years ago the 23 year old son of a Friend of mine was killed by an IED in Syria. He was a young man seeking adventure and a purpose greater than himself. So telling his Parents he was volunteering abroad to work with refugees he made his way to Syria and joined the Kurdish militia fighting Islamic State. Two months later he was dead. I can only imagine the shock and grief his parents must have felt.

“If they just went straight they might go far;
They are strong and brave and true;
But they’re always tired of the things that are,
And they want the strange and new.
They say: “Could I find my proper groove,
What a deep mark I would make!”
So they chop and change, and each fresh move
Is only a fresh mistake.”

I envied that young man when I heard he had gone over. My wish was that I could’ve gone in his place. I deeply wanted to do something. I’m not sure if that urge in me stemmed from a desire to fight the injustice and barbarity of Islamic State or from a selfish need for adventure. Would I have gone only to satisfy a craving that cannot be satisfied and which would have only bought regret later on? Like alcohol, one drink was too many and a thousand is not enough. I still don’t always trust my motives, even now. I’m alcoholic.

“And each forgets, as he strips and runs
With a brilliant, fitful pace,
It’s the steady, quiet, plodding ones
Who win in the lifelong race.
And each forgets that his youth has fled,
Forgets that his prime is past,
Till he stands one day, with a hope that’s dead,
In the glare of the truth at last.”

True Sacrifice

In the case of the young man, my friend’s dead son, I’m sure he went because he genuinely needed to help. He could not stand by and do nothing any longer. Without any military experience he went on his own accord. He died a selfless death in a devastated village on a lonely and dusty plain in Northern Syria by a bomb left behind by evil cowards who wanted to kill innocent civilians returning to their homes. In the time he was there he cleared dozens of IEDs left behind by the retreating Islamic State.

A martyr to the struggle against tyranny, his picture is displayed in buildings, in tanks and on memorials by his adopted people, the Kurds. In his home country he is considered a misguided child who craved excitement and adventure. In Kurdistan he is considered immortal and honored and loved. Both of his parents remain devastated, both are also deeply proud of their son’s sacrifice. Their child Reece sacrificed his life out of unconditional love.

“He has failed, he has failed; he has missed his chance;
He has just done things by half.
Life’s been a jolly good joke on him,
And now is the time to laugh.
Ha, ha! He is one of the Legion Lost;
He was never meant to win;
He’s a rolling stone, and it’s bred in the bone;
He’s a man who won’t fit in.”

Rest in Peace Heval Bagok. Sehid Namirin.