Humor

12 Step Jedi Uncategorized, Virtues

Humor is a trait that is unique and innate to humans. We all like to have a laugh and we can all laugh at a joke and sometimes we do so at our own expense. Very often having a sense of humor is the greatest asset a person can have.

Humor is Universal (well almost)

The Jedi often appear to be the epitome of the stoic monk warrior; humorless, serious and void of emotion. The misconception is also often applied to the Stoics. When people describe the Stoics they imagine Leonard Nimoy as the Vulcan Spock in Star Trek.

“Kirk:  Mr. Spock. I suspect you’re becoming more and more human all the time.
Spock: Captain, I see no reason to stand here and be insulted….If I were a human I would tell you to go to Hell. If I were a human” – Star Trek

Vulcan’s really didn’t have emotion or it seems even a sense of humor. The reality for both the Stoics and the Jedi is actually the opposite. Jedi and Stoics believed in the healthy display of emotions, they were serious about their work, but not themselves.

The Stoics Seneca, Cato and Epictetus used humor particularly when faced with difficult situations like exile, imprisonment and the threat of death. Marcus Aurelius assailed on all sides by political foes, personal betrayal and a vast Barbarian army kept his wits about him and his feet on the ground through wit. The Roman Army adored him for it. The Stoics understood that the Gods played jokes on humans and that life was a comedy as well as a tragedy.

Insult Me!

One of the Stoic practices was to respond to insult through use of humor. There is nothing more disarming to an unpleasant or abusive person trying to insult you than to have their insult responded to with laughter and a joke. Why get angry and upset by hurtful words? Your mind is your own and you can take it as you want. Be offended or be tickled by an insult. Laughing off an abusive insult with a joke not only deflates a bully, it wins the respect and the laughter of bystanders.

No less, the Jedi Masters often saw the humor in the most unusual places. It kept them centered and lightened the mood when hope appeared lost and defeat seemed certain. Yoda and Obi-Wan often reverted to wit and “tongue in cheek” under stress. They saw no point in getting worked up about the situation; they dealt with the issue as it presented itself and used humor to help others cope.

“Lost a planet Master Obi-Wan has. How embarrassing.” – Yoda “Episode II: Attack of the Clones” to a group of Younglings after Obi-Wan has presented him with some bad news.

Humor Works

The humor was never used to belittle anyone but as a way to bring mindfulness to the moment. If you are having a bad day and everything is going wrong, you are stressed, worried and all over the place think of one funny thing, step back and consider the hilarity of the situation. Burst out in laughter. People around you may think you have gone mad but I guarantee you will relax and start to view your problems objectively and constructively. You will stop projecting all the horrible things that may happen but focus on what is actual and real.

When Yoda lay on his death bed in “Episode VI: Return of the Jedi” he was attended by Luke Skywalker who resisted the reality that Yoda was soon to die. The old Jedi Master knew his time was up and he accepted it with peace and equanimity as well as humor.

“When nine hundred years old you reach, look as good you will not.” – Yoda to Luke

Priceless.

Take a Jab

Sometimes the humor and wit backfired on the Jedi. Obi-Wan Kenobi was called to assist the Duchess of Mandalore in a crisis that had hit their system. The two had been lovers before Kenobi had taken the Jedi vows. In “The Clone Wars” episode “The Voyage of Temptation” the Duchess could not resist taking a jab at the man she still loved about a time he had saved her life:

“Satine Kryze: How could I forget? I still have the scar.

Obi-Wan Kenobi:  Begging your pardon, Duchess, I distinctly remember carrying you to safety.

Satine Kryze: I meant the scar I got after you fell and dropped me.”

Obi-Wan Kenobi:  Oh..

Later on it gets better

“Satine Kryze: Senators, I presume you are acquainted with the collection of half-truths and hyperbole known as Obi-Wan Kenobi?

Obi-Wan Kenobi: Your Highness is too kind.

Satine Kryze: You’re right, I am.”

The chemistry between the Obi-Wan and Satine is explosive and I wish there was a spin off movie that portrayed the romance between the two. Most would agree that a sense of humor and the ability to take jokes from those intimate to us and make harmless jibes in return is one of things that endears great affection between humans.

Squaddie Humor

In the Army humor was everything. Most civilians would be shocked at the crassness, the underhanded and the disgusting themes that color the soldiers humor. Nothing is sacred or spared. In the civilian world friendships would be abruptly ended and all communication cut off if such jibes and insults were exchanged. In a tight unit it leads to stronger bonding. You give as much as you get and you love the man doing it to you because he is your brother and you would die for him.  You still give him hell and rub his nose in it. The banter and jokes lightens the mood, gets the testosterone pumping and strengthens team morale.

“Foreplay, cuddling—a Jedi craves not these things” – Yoda

I remember one night after being awake for 72 hours and under canvas cleaning weapons the Platoon Sergeant came in to do an inspection which did not go well. After a bit of pointless yelling he declared that we were to be on parade in patrol order in 5 minutes for a forced march up a very tall mountain. Everyone stood there in mute shock, most of us had had enough. As soon as the Sergeant walked out of the tent one of the guys cracked a joke, an absolute gem and everyone burst in to fits of laughter. It broke the ice and we all knew we’d beat them. We ran up that mountain as a team and left no man behind. That’s the power of humor.

Like an Army Drill Instructor, Yoda could also have fun with his student..

Yoda: “Mysterious are the ways of the Force.”
Luke: “Did you just make me stand on my head for two hours because I was annoying you?”
Yoda: “Very mysterious.”

Pack up yer Troubles

Without a doubt one of the tools in our recovery kit bag is humor. It is indispensable. Use it and use it as often as you like. If you are anything like me a lot of people will not appreciate your sense of humor but who cares? Laugh anyway as long as it’s not at anyone’s misfortune. Always use your humor and wit to help not hurt. Never spare a Laugh.

“So we think cheerfulness and laughter make for usefulness. Outsiders are sometimes shocked when we burst into merriment over a seemingly tragic experience out of the past. But why shouldn’t we laugh? We have recovered, and have been given the power to help others.” – The Big Book p. 32

Commitment

12 Step Jedi Control, Philosophy, Principles, Purpose, Training, Uncategorized

“A Jedi must have the deepest commitment, the most serious mind.” – Yoda “Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back”.

The Noble Path

In the Noble Eight Fold Path of Buddhism the virtue of commitment is inferred twice. Right Resolve is the first practice and is the act of making a conscience decision and acting on it. This may mean renunciation of a former way of life and the acceptance of a new path. Old habits and modes of thought are put aside and replaced with a philosophy and system of belief.  The mendicant would be adopting a new way of life which would involve renunciation of property, family ties and romantic love.

The second practice is Right Effort, having accepted the new way of life and training, the mendicant then applies consistently the principles underpinning their practice. This may include meditation, mental discipline, physical training, study and devotion.

Right Resolve and Right Effort both demonstrate commitment.

Commitment was crucial to the Jedi. Right Resolve was taking the vow to enter the Jedi Order and accepting the Jedi Code as the tenet governing behavior. As the Jedi progressed through training their resolve was continuously tested. The Jedi Trials were used as rituals to assess the progress of the Jedi Padawan on their journey to Knighthood.

The Trials of Life

Trial of Skill, the Trial of Courage, the Trial of the Flesh, the Trial of Spirit, and the Trial of Insight were used to test the Jedi. In “The Empire Strikes Back” Luke Skywalker undergoes Jedi Trials before he leaves his training early to rescue his friends and confront Darth Vader.

Right Effort was applied throughout the life of a Jedi to the moment of death. Every thought, word and act of the Jedi was to be in accordance with the Jedi Code. Mindfulness in every aspect of life was applied. The effort  to achieve this would require great commitment and self discipline.

Commitment to a Philosophy of Life takes effort and resolve. Being Jedi is not easy. Applying valued principles from the Buddha, Jesus and the Stoics takes self discipline. I sometimes wonder if I’m not playing some joke on myself and then I remember that one of the virtues is  also humor.

“If you commit to philosophy, be prepared at once to be laughed at and made the butt of many snide remarks. “ – Epictetus, Enchiridion 20.

Effort is Rewarded

Commitment is also tested in the real world. Our resolve and effort in staying sober is tested daily. We are assessed by our loved one’s, our friends and our employers. In the Army some of the guys I served with applied to enter in to the elite special forces community. The selection courses they completed were in many ways like the Jedi trials. They were continuously tested for their physical, mental and emotional fitness, their ability to make decisions under pressure, their perseverance and resolve and ultimately their character was under the microscope.

Those who failed returned devastated. Those who passed were moved on through their training as SF Operators and rarely seen again. When they were encountered they seemed different and they were different, they were better versions of themselves. I stood in awe and respect at what they had achieved.

I now stand in awe at what I have achieved in the last few years of recovery. My life is “a daily reprieve” and I owe it to the “Grace of God”. My effort was only to hold up my end of the bargain and not pick up a drink. I also made the commitment of “drop the rock” through Steps 6 and 7 and let go of my character faults and live in accordance with my values. This takes effort. I know what it takes and when I encounter another recovering addict I know the pain they have gone through and I stand in awe and respect.

“I believe life is constantly testing us for our level of commitment, and life’s greatest rewards are reserved for those who demonstrate a never-ending commitment to act until they achieve. This level of resolve can move mountains, but it must be constant and consistent. As simplistic as this may sound, it is still the common denominator separating those who live their dreams from those who live in regret” – Tony Robbins

One Day at a Time

Commitment starts at Step 1. The moment we admit our disease and powerlessness over our addiction is the moment we commit to taking the first step to claiming the power to recover. What does it take? Everything. Do you need Right Resolve and Right Effort? Everyday and “one day at a time”.

“But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain. On the contrary, I worked harder than any of them, though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me.“ – Corinthians 15:10

The commitment required to stay sober and to live a life of continuous self improvement is by its very nature a hard slog. We trudge along in our recovery, one step at a time, one moment at a time. In our way appear obstacles and pit falls. We go down and we get back up and we keep going. Sometimes our mind is screaming for us to stop, yet out hearts and something more powerful within us keeps us going. We keep going because to stop and to quit is to die.

Go Hard

Every day we are on selection. Everyday we are working for our special forces tab. We get up, we get through the day, we thank our Higher Power and we claim renewed strength to get through another day. It takes effort and commitment all day every day.

“The only limit to your impact is your imagination and commitment…there is no abiding success without commitment” – Tony Robbins
Your only limit is the boundaries that you set yourself. You are far more powerful than you know and it shows with your commitment in everything that you do. Today when you get up, own the day, commit to that and gut it.
“Hooah!” – Army Slogan

Love

12 Step Jedi Attachment, Control, Dark Side, Ego, Force, Love, Relationships, Uncategorized

“Attachment is forbidden. Possession is forbidden. Compassion, which I would define as unconditional love, is essential to a Jedi’s life. So you might say, that we are encouraged to love” – Anakin “Episode II: Attack of the Clones”.

One Word

Of all the words in existence the the word used to mean “Love” carries the most meaning to people.

What is Love? What does it mean? Countless songs, poems and stories have been written about it. Most of us intuitively know it but few can articulate in words what it is even to themselves. We know how it feels and we also know that Love comes in different flavors.

The Fictional Jedi were forbidden to love another in the ordinary sense. They were in fact expected to Love all sentient beings. The key role of the Jedi was service to others. Buddhism carries the same precept called “Loving Kindness” (Mettā). A Buddhist seeking enlightenment does so for the benefit of all sentients, so that they may be released from samsara, the eternal karmic cycle of life and death. Enlightenment is not sought for the benefit of the Bodhisattva but for all to ease suffering (Dukkha). Yoda and Obi-Wan Kenobi demonstrated a similar commitment when they abandoned the “crude matter” of their bodies and surrendered their souls, bringing balance to the Force.

The goal of Jedi Philosophy is to provide the path for people seeking to improve themselves. We realize that the way to achieve fulfillment and happiness is through service to others. Selfless service and giving of self requires Love not love.

“World betterment through self betterment” – Kevin Trout “The Jedi Circle”

Love and love

Love with a capital “L” is unconditional Love. It is the Love that transcends personal concerns and the Ego. Love is all embracing, liberating, all forgiving, all encompassing, omnipotent and omnipresent. It binds all of creation together. It atones completely and sets free. All life is an expression of the Force. Love is the Force.

The Love of a mother for her child, the love of sacrificing one’s life for another, the love between comrades in arms and the deep and enduring love between two people that transcends the physical and life. That is unconditional Love.

“Are you allowed to love? I thought that was forbidden for a Jedi.” – Padme Amidala “Episode II: Attack of the Clones”

When Padmé Amidala challenged Anakin on his capacity to Love another she was right but she was also wrong. Anakin could not attach to carnal love but he could express unconditional Love.

Love with a lower case “l” is called ordinary love. It binds, controls and fears loss. Jealousy is harbored in ordinary love and grasping attachment keeps it moored there. Ordinary love cannot sail, it is not free and it is controlled by the Ego.

Love as Suffering

It was the ordinary love that destroyed Anakin. The attachment and fear of losing Padme, his wife and the anger that burned in him was exploited by the Dark Lord. Unconditional Love would have allowed Anakin to set Padme free and defeat Darth Sidious. Instead he chose to control something that cannot be controlled and lost it all.

Anakin also loved Obi-Wan Kenobi like a Father. Perhaps because he never had a Father and had lost his mother Anakin grasped at anything that gave him meaning. It was a need that consumed him and others. As an Orphan myself I can appreciate the pain, fear and anger, the grasping attachment.

“Why do I get the feeling you’re going to be the death of me?” – Obi-Wan Kenobi

“Don’t say that Master… You’re the closest thing I have to a father… I love you. I don’t want to cause you pain. ” – Anakin “Episode III: Revenge of the Sith”

Obi-Wan Kenobi also loved Anakin but he was able to fight him because of that Love. I can only surmise that Obi-Wan’s pity and compassion for what little remained of his friend prevented him from slaying Anakin on the lava flows of Mustafa. Anakin was dead already and only Darth Vader remained. Obi-Wan felt unconditional Love for what was left of his beloved friend and could not take Life in such a way no matter how twisted and evil it was.

In the fight between Love and Hate, Love will prevail.

In the final confrontation between Luke and Darth Vader on the Death Star II it was unconditional Love that reunites Father and Son and destroyed the Dark Lord. Love does conquer all.

False Love

Alcoholism was the Dark Side in my life. Love was a word I used but it was not real. We may feel what we believe is Love but it is only an object that we desire and grasp on to. Love that is grasped and bound cannot breath and it cannot last.

“I can’t live without you”, “I need you”, “You complete me, I’m nothing without you”, “You belong to me”, “I hurt you because I love you” were the kinds of words I used. In reality I only loved myself and the bottle. I would choose booze over the feelings of others. Love in thought does not match Love in action.

We weep at love lost because it was never about the other person but what we wanted and were attached to. Addiction does not allow unconditional Love to flow. It stifles it.

“If you love someone, set them free.” – Richard Bach

Love sets Free

I found Unconditional Love in the most unexpected place. In the mental and psychic black hold of “Rock Bottom” I imagined myself dying in suffering, self pity and self hate. I called for help and my Higher Power saved me and set me free from my addiction. It was unconditional Love that bought me back to sanity and in to recovery.

The feeling glowed within me for days. I felt like I had the deepest Love for all things. Every rock, tree and animal I saw, every person I passed I felt unconditional Love for. I believe I had transcended to another dimension of existence. At the fundamental level we are spiritual beings having a human experience and we are all made of unconditional Love.

In the rooms you feel compassion and Love for the fellow suffering alcoholic. You feel it when you see those that suffer. It is not pity, it is unconditional Love. Our Ego is the only filter, the only limitation to that pure Love.

In recovery we learn who we were, who we are and who we will likely be if we stay on the beam. Love like spiritually is a personal journey. We can seek advice on affairs of the heart but it is up to each of us how to use our intrinsic capacity to love. Love is who you are so you can’t go wrong.

I believe that Love never dies. We take it with us. The ego dies and so does ordinary love but Love with a capital L is eternal.

“Love, not time, heals all wounds” – Anonymous

Leadership

12 Step Jedi Humility, Principles, Purpose, Service, Training, Virtues

“You don’t have to carry a sword to be powerful, a leaders strength is inspiring greatness in others” – Ahsoka Tano

A Rare Quality

To be Jedi is to be a Leader. Jedi choose to lead even if they are reluctant at first to do so they know it is their duty and responsibility as Jedi. The Jedi lead by example not by Force.

The Fictional Jedi were given leadership roles in the Republic. Positions of authority were granted as part of the Jedi title. A young Padawan student might have been given command of a battalion of Clone Troopers and was expected to lead them in to battle. The reality of war service demanded that they be willing to put aside hesitation, control their fear, reject their doubt and do their duty. They had to put the mission and the welfare of their troops above themselves. Quite a demand!

On our world I have met barely 21 year old men and women in the Israeli Defense Force with the rank of Captain or Major. Their dedication to duty and willingness to sacrifice themselves and lead others from the front is what makes their Defense Force and the country so united, resilient and strong. The young Young Kurdish female fighters of the YPG also lead men into battle against the Islamic State fanatics today. Their bravery, optimism, love of life and courage has gained the admiration of the world and continues to as they march to final victory.

“I am not afraid of an army of lions led by a sheep; I am afraid of an army of sheep led by a lion.” – Alexander the Great

False Leadership

Being Alcoholic and arrogant I had a false sense of superiority and an inflated ego that demanded respect without earning it. I expected simple length of service and appointed rank sufficient to define me as a leader. My subordinates at work may have obeyed my orders but it was out of fear and with resentment.

In my role as a Leader I was demanding standards in work and conduct from my charges that I was not applying to myself. Where there was failure or mistakes the blame would cascade down. Any credit for hard work and success went to me. My double standards negated my mandate to lead however the system kept me in charge and my team did what they could to resist and undermine me. To defy poor and incompetent leadership is a natural thing to do despite what we are told by society.

In my Regiment in the Army obedience to command was paramount but insubordination was common and also a natural response to incompetence. A corporal seemed to have the power of life and death over a private. Sergeants were a class above and Officers were like Gods. You did not even look at Officers unless you wanted a NCO to march over and literally rip your face off.

“Leadership is solving problems. The day soldiers stop bringing you their problems is the day you have stopped leading them. They have either lost confidence that you can help or concluded you do not care. Either case is a failure of leadership” – Colin Powell

Fear and Coercion

The entire ethos in my regiment was one of fear and intimidation. Through coercion and harsh discipline we were shaped in to an effective fighting force but there was no love or respect for command. With few exceptions they did not inspire us. If they told us to fight we did because we loved the fight anyway not because we respected them. We did what we did for each other and true Leaders stood among us in the ranks.

Operations were interesting. They say what “goes in the field stays in the field”. A number of unpopular NCO’s met “accidents” on patrol and were badly injured and repatriated. If a squad or platoon leader was a cluster in the field he was a liability and if not removed by echelon then he was removed one way or another by the Grunts.

Leaders that only care for themselves are not leaders. They may hold rank through some community, civic or military authority and enforce it through fear and intimidation but they are not Leaders.

“People ask the difference between a leader and a boss. The leader leads, and the boss drives” – Theodore Roosevelt

Lead by Example

Being sober and recovered gives us the opportunity to demonstrate that we are leaders in the truest sense. At home, work and in the community we can lead by virtue of example. We can demonstrate our principles consistently and in all of our affairs.

Being firm but fair in our approach we can adopt an attitude of transparency and openness. We look to where we can serve others before ourselves. People become drawn to our humility and selflessness. They recognize these virtues as leadership qualities and they gravitate to us. The respect is mutual and trust is established.

Leaders do this not for rewards or credit but because it is the right thing to do. It is their duty.

“If serving is below you, leadership is beyond you” – Anonymous
In the program there are no leaders, just persons appointed in to certain support functions needed to ensure the fellowship works. It is a egalitarian system that fosters trust and respect. All the same every person who shows up to help his fellow is a Leader in their own right.
Being given the opportunity to Lead is a privilege not an entitlement as I once imagined. Whether you hold that responsibility at home, at work or in the community remember we lead in order to serve others, not ourselves. By being sober and living in accordance with principles you lead by example. In doing so you help others strive to be better.

Be the Leader you are meant to be.

“A leader is best when people barely know he exists, when his work is done, his aim fulfilled, they will say: we did it ourselves.” – Lao Tzu

Solitude

12 Step Jedi Emotional Sobriety, Spirituality, Training

“Until the time is right, disappear, we will. Master Kenobi, wait a moment. In your solitude on Tatooine, training, I have for you.” – Yoda “Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith”.

The Practice

Solitude is a practice that has been embraced by many Philosophies and Spiritual Traditions both in the east and the west. Most are familiar with the Christian mystic practice of seeking periods of solitude in the wilderness where one could pray, contemplate and connect with the Divine. Jesus would often leave his followers to wander the wilderness to commune with God. Judaism, Sufism, Buddhism and Taoism all place a great deal of importance on isolating one’s self from society for periods of time in order to achieve transcendence through prayer and meditation.

“In Silence there is eloquence.” – Rumi, Sufi Poet

The Jedi in fiction also recognized the benefits of cutting themselves off from others in order to strengthen their connection with the Force. Solitude also conditioned the Jedi to the rigors of Jedi Service and cultivated the self discipline needed to practice non-attachment. Master Jedi Voolvif Monn was a recluse who shunned company and spent much of his life in solitude.

Following the destruction of the Jedi Temple and the purge of the Order by Emperor Palpatine, Obi-Wan Kenobi and Yoda both spent years hiding in solitude.  In their isolation they kept busy planning for the return of the Jedi. Both achieved enlightenment during their reclusion.

Life of the Party

I understand isolation and solitude. Both terms for me have come to mean different things. Isolation was something that I did in addiction. Solitude is something I seek in recovery.

Originally I was a social drinker that needed the company of others when I was getting drunk. Friends and acquaintances were nothing more to me than “drinking props”. Being alcoholic I was unable to build normal relationships with people. Friendship, as most people understand it, did not apply to me.

Everyone I ever got intimate with was only familiar with my drinking persona. I was the likeable drunk who knew how to party hard. The guy who was your best friend and keeping you company all night and in to the day if you were ready to keep up.  When I was sober I was never interested in connecting with people, preferring to be alone. Being awkward in the company of others I also shut myself off from others when I was sober. If you did not drink or could not go the distance, I was not interested in you.

I could be surrounded by people during those days and still feel incredibly lonely. The companionship felt shallow and cheap.

Being Alone

I started to isolate in the latter years of my drinking as many alcoholics do. We are acutely aware that our drinking is no longer normal and no longer dependent on others. The need for social props disappears. We are also aware that when we drink we are no longer sociable. We get melancholy or irritated or silent. Conversation no longer interests us.

People party and celebrate life and if we are holding a bar up the chances are we would prefer to be somewhere else drinking alone. Eventually we retreat to someplace we can drink without distraction or interference. Alcohol is purchased in a semi clandestine way. We come in, head for the shelf with the cheap stuff, pay and leave avoiding small chat and eye contact.

In our isolation we drink and we swing from euphoria to a brooding darkness. As we get drunk we begin to form ideas and we verbalize them often to no one in the room. We argue with ourselves, at first grappling with our sick mental fog before fighting and then slipping in to black out. We Isolate because we are ashamed of who we have become.

Seeking Solitude

Solitude is not Isolation. Seeking solitude is seeking a place where we can be by ourselves to re-calibrate and become centered.

“I find it wholesome to be alone the greater part of the time. To be in company, even with the best, is soon wearisome and dissipating. I love to be alone. I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude.” ― Henry David Thoreau, Walden

Solitude allows us to discover ourselves, to feel our breath and the wind against our face. The sounds of birds, running water, waves at the beach, wind and rain become real. To be in solitude is to marvel at the wonder of nature and the mystery of creation and feel the spark of the divine within us. Life becomes simpler.

The things that we pursue in society no longer seem to matter, there is no conflict, no disagreement.One cannot gossip, cheat or lie or steal when truly in solitude and apart from fellow humans. Our senses become keener and every cell within our bodies vibrate with the essence of life.

“Every morning was a cheerful invitation to make my life of equal simplicity, and I may say innocence, with Nature herself.” ― Henry David Thoreau, Walden

Most of us cannot just drop everything and reside in a cabin near a lake like Thoreau did for a year. We can still seek solitude through time alone with a book, a walk through the park or sit in solitary meditation. I sometimes use exercise to seek solitude and will run for miles. I used to run to escape for a time from my troubles, I now run for serenity. The “loneliness of the long distance runner” can be bliss.

Isolation was to distance myself from people and responsibilities; solitude is there now to help me reconnect with the Force and with myself. Solitude is to be used sparingly and when needed, like medicine, it is a balm to the body, mind and soul.

Do you choose blissful solitude or do you choose to isolate?

Learn

12 Step Jedi 12 Steps, Humility, Service, Training

“Suspend your judgment, and every being has something to teach you.” – Qui-Gon Jinn

One of the greatest mistakes that can be made is to reject something out of hand, without any consideration. More often than not we pass judgement on others before we have gotten to know them, we decide on an issue before we have all the facts. As a result we deny ourselves an opportunity to learn something new. We close our minds.

“Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.” – Desiderata

Another mistake is to not try new things. To blindly follow one way and ignore all others deprives us of the chance to further grow in our recovery.

Evolve

I am a strong believer in the precept “take what you need and leave the rest”.  To place labels on myself is to make a statement “this is who I am”. Who I am actually changes constantly. There is no definitive “I am”. We are not who we were yesterday and we will not be the same tomorrow. Our lives are bombarded constantly with information. With every experience our perception of the world changes and sometimes our view point can change dramatically. The way I viewed my own life, spirituality, God and recovery five years ago is very very different to the way I view it now. I have no doubt it will continue to evolve.

As I change, so do my needs.

Sometimes the main challenge is to sift through the information and decide what to take on board and what to reject. The beauty of a practical philosophy for life is that we embrace the chance to learn and try new things. We adopt what works and drop what does not in the now. Dogma and doctrine does not bind the Jedi.

Everyone has heard the saying “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks”. It is true that with age we become wiser and more set in our ways. We are more judging and skeptical. Fortunately most of us also accept that we don’t know everything, the problem is we are often reluctant to change. However change we must.

Listen and Learn

The fellowship of the 12 steps program is a thing of beauty. I can sit in a room and listen to complete strangers tell their story and share their hope and dreams for a sober life. Every story is unique and carries a message. Every person who speaks adds to the collective experience in the room and contributes to the recovery of others. We all listen with open ears and open hearts. We may not agree with everything that is said, but we listen, consider and decide what to take from the share. Every share is an opportunity to learn.

The truth is we never stop learning and very often the most valuable lessons come from the most unlikely places. My children for example have taught me more about empathy, compassion and tolerance than I thought possible. They also taught me to be a kid again. Friends, companions and co-workers teach us in ways we often overlook. The fellow alcoholic in the 12 step meeting teaches me a lot, especially to never forget. Sometimes I also wish I could be the person my Dog thinks I am. Pets are a gift. They teach us to be gentle, kind, loyal and attentive, to love unconditionally.

Share to Keep

It has taken a long time for me to realize that I don’t know everything and that we never stop learning. Old dogs can learn new tricks. I have also come to learn that everyone I encounter in my life leaves an imprint on me in someway.

We should never ignore “even the dull and the ignorant”.  I also often wonder if everyone who has enters and leaves our life was meant to. That some sort of serendipitous fate exists that brings souls together for their mutual benefit and growth. When that soul benefit is gained they move apart.

I learned so much about myself during my years of active alcoholism and I learned more during recovery. Every experience has made me the person I am today. My role now is to continue to learn from every angle but also to share what I’ve learned along the way.

So I will share what I think I know and if someone suspends their judgement, hears me out and benefits from that then it’s all been worth it.

Focus

12 Step Jedi Uncategorized

 

“Always remember, your focus determines your reality” – Qui-Gon Jinn

Focus

If you focus on wrongs you energize anger, resentment and frustration. If you focus on forgiveness you energize patience, tolerance and compassion. Focusing on fault leads to accusation and fails to lead to resolution. Shifting attention to finding a solution energizes action.

It is better to say “things are tough right now but it will get better with hard work” than “Why me? Life is not fair! Nothing I do seem to matter”. The attitude that you bring will determine your focus. Your focus will set the color of your day and ultimately the tone of your life. Unhappy people generally have unhappy lives.

Focus on the negative and we energize it. Throw a positive light on anything and we give it life. Always focus on where you want to go. Focus on what is in our control as opposed to what is not. What we focus on and energize ultimately determines our life.

“If you change your mind your conditions must change too. We are transformed by the renewing of our minds.” – Emmet Fox

The Seven Day Diet

One of the hardest mental exercises I have ever tried is the “seven day mental diet” as suggested by Emmet Fox. The exercise takes extreme focus and attention on our moods, emotions and thoughts. We are applying mindfulness to every moment of the day. We soon begin to realize that our mind is like a tree of chattering monkeys. We barely have control over the mind.

“You must train yourself to choose the subject of your thinking at any given time and also to choose the emotional tone, or what we call the mood that colors it” – Emmet Fox

Our thoughts, concerns and moods shift continuously rarely remaining static for long. Emotions change through the day in response to internal and external stimuli. One minute we feel content and happy, the next we are in a self made drama clouded with anger, fear or sadness. Much of the time we are largely oblivious to why.

We are slaves to the very tool we need to master to achieve equanimity, peace and serenity, our mind.

Mind Control

The seven day mental diet is an experience in mind control. To achieve even a day of the diet is an outstanding achievement. To go the entire seven days without entertaining a negative thought or emotion is truly a feat. A Jedi would be hard pressed to achieve it for that amount of time.

“Make up your mind to devote one week solely to the task of building a new habit of thought and during that week let everything in life be unimportant as compared with that” – Emmet Fox

The key of course is focus. Images, thoughts and impressions drift in and out of consciousness all of the time. Some are passive like passing clouds and others are intrusive demanding our attention and response. It may not seem like it at times but what we choose to focus on is entirely within our power. You have the potential to rein in your mind and harness its potential.

“For seven days you must not allow yourself to dwell for a single moment on any kind of negative thought. You must watch yourself as a cat watches a mouse…you must not under any pretence allow your mind to dwell on any thought that is not positive, constructive, optimistic, kind.” – Emmet Fox.

Take the Challenge

Try the seven day mental diet. Give it a go. Your ego will hate it but you will be astounded by the effect it has on you. I agree with Emmet Fox that it is one of the most truly outstanding things you can do. To summarize this is how it works:

  1. Set a day and time to commence the diet. Any day or time will work however it is best to start in the morning as you rise fresh. Prepare mentally the night before.
  2. For seven days pay very close attention to where your mind is at. Focus on where your thoughts are leading. The goal is to immediately put out any negative train of thought. The diet is to refuse energizing any negative thoughts or emotions.
  3. Any self defeating, self deprecating, attacking or negative thoughts that enters in to your consciousness must be immediately silenced before they elicit an emotional or behavioral response from you. Do not struggle with the thought, simply let it go.
  4. If you can avoid situations or people you are sure will get the better of you. The diet most often fails early. The longer you can go the easier it will be.
  5. Be honest. If you get angry at someone cutting you off in traffic or harbor resentment for even a moment you have fallen of the diet. You must start again. Take a few days and when you are ready start afresh.
  6. Note: If you unsure if you have broken the diet just ask yourself did this thing or person cause you to invest negative emotions? Did you focus on it? If so you have broken the diet. If still unsure look inward, your heart will reveal the truth. Fleeting thoughts and emotions do not count as long as you arrest them before they take hold.
  7. Journal each day on the diet. Like progression in any exercise you will find the more you do it the better you will get. Don’t get frustrated (that’s a fail) just learn from where you went wrong and try again. After a while it actually gets fun and you learn a lot about yourself as you are paying close attention to where you focus yourself. You are your own observer for a week, watching a 24 hour reality show about you!
  8. Keep it to yourself. Don’t tell people what you aim to do. I find that boasting a project or plans to friends and family can render it to the “later” pile or guarantee failure. Stephen King himself said he would never discuss a planned book with anyone until it was written. If you attempt the seven day mental diet and succeed by all means share your experience.

A copy of Emmet Fox’s pamphlet “The Seven Day Mental Diet” can be found here. The piece was written in the 1930’s but remains as relevant today as it did during the Great Depression.

Training is Life

12 Step Jedi Purpose, Self Esteem, Service, Training, Uncategorized, Virtues

 

“Training to be a Jedi is not an easy challenge, and even if you succeed, it’s a hard life.” – Qui-Gon Jinn

Life is Suffering

Life is hard and so is recovery. Our daily practices, applying principles and proactively working on self improvement all take effort. Change was never meant to be easy. It can be damn hard. Sometimes it can take everything you have.

The Jedi had a training program which included years of Temple Study in Lore, Ethics, History and Diplomacy as well as physical and martial arts training. There were long hours of meditation and light saber combat. The Jedi student was assigned to a Jedi Knight who acted as mentor and teacher. The apprenticeship lasted as long as was required to satisfy the Jedi Council of the Jedi’s competency. There were also trials the Jedi student had to pass. Training continued for life and Jedi rose in rank as they demonstrated mastery and skill. The Jedi also realized that even after hundreds of years of dedicated training they had not learned everything there was to know.

In recovery there is no graduation day or total mastery where we claim a cure from alcoholism and the problems of life. We may be recovered and strong in our sobriety however we are not immune from life. We can never truly rarely say we are cured and then return to drinking assured that we will be able to drink normally. There is always doubt, we might relapse back in to alcoholism. We don’t know everything and we never will. There is always more to learn so even the wisest and most experienced old timer never stops learning. If one is wise he will not grow arrogant and drink again.

To claim “complete mastery” over any subject and announce that there is nothing more to learn is fool hardy at best, dangerous at worst.

The Best School in the World

I like to say that the only alma mater that matters is the “school of hard knocks”. After years of formal study and training in various professions my greatest life lessons have come out of the hard experiences in life. The let downs, the disappointments and rejections, the failures and falls. The Buddha said that life is comprised of 10 000 joys and 10 000 sorrows. We shed a torrent of tears in a life time. We all experience the suffering of life. The experience makes us smarter and stronger. We learn from our mistakes and our misfortunes. In doing so we grow.

Some of these times in our life truly sucked, they were hard and tough but we got through them and they made us a better person. An old Martial Arts instructor once told me that anyone can wear a black belt. They cost a few dollars but only the person who has poured heart and soul in to their training can claim any meaning to that milestone. Its not the belt, but the pain, suffering and perseverance that it represents which matters. The black belt takes years to earn through dedicated training and application but only a moment to lose through poor choices. The Sensei can take it away at anytime, it is a distinction not an entitlement.

You only get out of life what you put in. Hard work will always pay off in the end.

In the same way I view sobriety. My sobriety is a “daily reprieve contingent to the maintenance of my spiritual condition“. What exactly does that mean? To me it means I must work daily to ensure that I get through each day. My aim is to improve with every day, to rise each day a better person than I was yesterday. I do this through Training and practical application of what I have learned. I know that if I become complacent and drop the ball I may backslide, I can end up back in the hole I put myself in all those years ago.

Daily Practice

My daily routine is a simple one but it does take effort. The benefits cannot be understated. Very often what we most need is routine and a set of goals. The best way to set goals is to break them down. With simple and achievable targets that challenge you, you will progress. Over time you ratchet up the effort a little. Always start slow but be consistent and work to improve.

My daily routine comprises of practices I have adopted from the 12 Steps, the Jedi Path and the Stoics. Feel free to come up with your own program and stick to it for a while, then modify if required to suit your lifestyle, limitations and needs.

Morning

  • On rising, practice a short period of gratitude. Remind yourself of one or two things you have to be grateful for as you come in to this day.
  • Welcome the  day. A new day means new opportunity. Be thankful for it. Every morning I try to greet the sunrise in its splendor. Otherwise I take a quiet moment and imagine the sun coming up over the horizon. I take a moment to contemplate the grand scale of the cosmos and infinite time and to remember that I choose life.
  • Spend a minute as you get ready for work or your days activities to plan the day. Set in your mind or on paper three things you aim to achieve today.
  • Consider the things that may go wrong. Remind yourself that through the day you will encounter people who are rude and obstinate and your plans may get derailed. Resolve not to let them beat you down.
  • Do my daily Readings.

During the Day

  • Do one act of kindness every day to someone. It can be anything, random or predetermined; an offer of assistance or help to someone struggling with a load, giving up my seat on the bus, a simple courtesy such as opening the door. A smile or kind word or an act of charity.
  • Deny myself something nice or practice some form of denial to remind myself not to get too attached to comforts and ease. I practice periodic intermittent fasting on occasion. In addition to reminding myself that food is a precious resource not to be taken for granted I find that occasional fasting makes me feel better. I may decide to leave my jacket at home on a cold day. Run the occasional cold shower!
  • Take a moment to undertake negative visualization. Consider a realistic scenario that might occur which could ultimately change your life or at least make it unpleasant. This could include ill health, unemployment, poverty, ridicule or hate from others, betrayal by friends or colleagues. Imagine yourself dealing with the situation and overcoming it; see yourself practicing acceptance and equanimity.
  • Do at least 30 minutes of exercise or physical training (this can also be in the morning or evening). Remember to have rest days to avoid over training (Stretch / Yoga on off days).

Evening

  • Spend at least 20 minutes in meditation (this can also be during the day or in the morning).
  • Review the day, what went right, what went wrong and consider how I can improve.
  • Journal my thoughts.
  • Take some quiet time, relax.
  • Thank the Force for another day.

Redemption

12 Step Jedi 12 Steps, Amends, Forgiveness, Humility, Uncategorized

When Anakin had succumbed to his fears, anger and hate and fallen to the dark side the person that he was died. In his place rose Darth Vader, a dark shadow of his former self and a slave to the Dark Lord. In “Episode VI: The Return of the Jedi”, Darth Vader finally realizes who he truly is and finding the love for his son Luke, he turns on his Master, Darth Sidious. The redemption of Anakin was the final end of Darth Vader.

“I’ll not leave you now. I’ve got to save you.” – Luke Skywalker

“You already have.” – Anakin Skywalker

The Chains of Addiction

The fall of Anakin and the emergence of a twisted and tormented Darth Vader in the same body can be viewed as a metaphor for suffering and the slavery of addiction. How many people have we encountered in our lives who changed so utterly through addiction that they were barely recognizable? Family and friends no longer knew them and they no longer knew themselves.

The effects of drug and alcohol addiction carries an insidious toll on a person’s life and on their psyche. I became morally compromised and spiritually bankrupt through alcoholism though I did not see it at the time. The difference between who I had been and who I became was stark.

By destroying Darth Sidious and saving his son, the chains that had held Anakin in the form of Darth Vader finally came off. He  emerges from the dark place where he had been imprisoned and tortured for decades as a mere slave to fear, anger and hatred. As Anakin lies dying he atones for the past. He forgives and is forgiven and finds redemption at last. Anakin is set free and is reunited with the Force.

Inventory

Realizing the truth of who we are and what we have done through our alcoholism can be painful but it is also liberating. I remember one of the most emotional experiences I have ever had was completing my inventory in Step 4.  Admitting it to my Higher Power and sharing it with another in Step 5 was to finally free myself from the bondage of the past. I saw at last who I had been and the damage I had done to myself and others. There was another way and I could forgive myself and build a new life.

“Step 4: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.”

“Step 5: Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.”

After sharing my story I felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off. I was ready to change and I wanted to right the wrongs of the past. Filled with hope for the future I looked forward to making amends and claiming a sober life. The clouds parted and at last it felt as if a door had opened and I had passed through to a new dimension a free man.

Amends

Several years ago when I was still drinking I learned that my Father had passed away as a skid row drunk. He had been dry when I had last seen him 25 years earlier but we became estranged and I never spoke to him again. In time he became little more than a rumor. The news was that he moved around a lot and was back “on the sauce”.

Over the years I often wondered what I would say if we met again and whether I could forgive him. There had been anger for years for a miserable childhood. I  blamed my drinking and many of my troubles on him. There were so many faults I so despised in him that I had revealed in myself. Like Luke Skywalker I was in danger of falling to the Dark Side, like his Father and indeed in the end it had me.

When I learned that my Father had died my feelings were mixed. Part of me did not care, another part was sad and the last part was angry I had been robbed of an opportunity to tell him how he had ruined so many lives including my own. My reaction was to simply get drunk in response to the news. I was more like him than I dared admit.

Forgive

When I compiled my list of amends in Step 8 I placed my Father near the top of the list. The predicament of course was that he had died the previous year. I said a prayer and Forgave him and asked for forgiveness in return. With that I blessed his memory and made peace at last with a painful part of my life. Perhaps someday we will meet again on the other side of the veil where these things will no longer matter.

Forgiveness and making amends is one of the most powerful experiences that anyone in recovery can experience. The humility and compassion that we discover during the inventory and disclosure of our faults is further cultivated as we put aside resentment and pride and seek to atone for the past. We also begin to find redemption as Anakin did by seeking forgiveness and by forgiving others. Most of all we find the power to forgive ourselves and move on.

MTFBWY

Absolutes

12 Step Jedi 12 Steps, Sanity

“Only a Sith deals in absolutes” – Obi-wan Kenobi

When Obi-Wan Kenobi faced Anakin on the Planet Mustafa his friend and apprentice had fallen to the Dark Side. Obi-Wan Kenobi was dealing with a persona who had changed dramatically and who could not be reasoned with. Anakin had previously been a maverick, someone who bucked the system and stretched the rules.  He had been a Jedi who at times thumbed his nose at protocol and used intuition and initiative to get the job done however he was never uncompromising.

As Anakin fell to the Dark Side he became the complete opposite and accepted only an extreme and uncompromising view. There was no longer tolerance or a grey area but all the hard and narrow absolutism and narrow mindedness of a Sith, the sworn enemy of the Jedi. Darth Vader would only deal in absolutes, dogma, total submission, complete and blind obedience and the unquestioning acceptance of extreme ideology. The Absolutism of Power absolute.

“If you are not with me, then you are my enemy!” – Anakin

Human Nature

Life is not about absolutes. The very nature of the Universe reveals anything but an absolute system. Everything is evolving and changing in nature and change is the nature of things. Human nature as well is contrary to absolutism nobody is hard wired to resist change. If humans were that inflexible and resistant to change we would not have lasted as a species. It is through a willingness to accept change, to explore new things and to question accepted norms that we have been able to grow and evolve.

I had an absolute and inflexible approach to my disease for a long time. Despite the obvious physical, mental and spiritual harm that it had caused I ignored the signs and the warnings from others. I was convinced that I was right and resented anyone who challenged that assumption. My anger and hatred for those who suggested I had a problem only worsened as my life unraveled.

A type of moral absolutism also applied in other areas of my life. I was never one to accept a differing opinion. I was closed minded. Even if the opposing view seemed reasonable, pride would not let me relent in an argument and accept that I might be wrong. In Recovery too I may have dropped the denial but I became inflexible and “righteous” in other areas. I adopted the manners of a person who had gone “God Crazy”. My spiritual fervor did not extend to tolerance of others and I set standards on myself that were inflexible and childish. I was missing the point and thinking in extremes only created negativity and unhappiness. I was missing out on life by boxing myself in.

Sanity in all Areas

Sobriety means finding one’s sanity in all areas of life. That means putting prejudices aside and reconsidering strongly held beliefs and opinions. I had to surrender many assumptions and adopt an open mind if I was to remain sober. I had to start to relax and take it easy. Even now I catch myself getting caught up in issues and becoming highly passionate about them. I see the old Alcoholic tendency of over doing it coming out and I have to rein myself in. Passion is good, but when passion over takes objectivity and starts to dominate us, we are in dangerous territory.

“There is no Passion, There is Serenity” – The Jedi Code

Life is not completely black or white but millions of shades in between the two extremes. To take a hard line and extremist approach to anything means chaining yourself to that mindset and ignoring the endless opportunities that exist within the complexity of life. We can set ourselves principles and boundaries that give us more freedom without building walls around ourselves at the same time. For example, I am absolute in my abstinence and will not compromise on that however I do not enforce my standards on others. If someone has a problem with alcohol and seeks out my help, I am at their service but I will not preach or lecture. All I can do is offer advice. The Big Book does not offer absolutes and never said “Thou Shalt”, it made suggestions for recovery only.

“Our hope is that when this chip of a book is launched on the world tide of alcoholism, defeated drinkers will seize upon it, to follow its suggestions.” – The Big Book

Do question, challenge assumptions, avoid dogma, be open minded, get out of your comfort zone, be skeptical of Gurus. These are some of the things I have learned from the Steps and from walking the Jedi Path. I take what I need and I leave the rest.

The Middle Path

In the world today there is so much extremism. Whether it is religious, racial or nationalist in nature any form of extremism leads to tension, division and conflict. We only have to look and see how it is tearing the world apart. Within every person also resides a tension between opposing views and between our better nature and darker side. How we reconcile ourselves to the extremes in our lives and in our hearts is a personal choice.

The Stoics (like the Jedi) always sought the positive angle in every bad situation. Extremes in emotions were discouraged and avoided and the outcome was a deeper sense of serenity and acceptance in their lives. Gautama Buddha and Saint Francis of Assisi also lived to extremes of self deprivation and belief and found that it did not work so they taught their followers to walk a middle path to spiritual enlightenment.  To be Jedi is also to walk a middle path.

If we take a step back when things go awry and objectively consider every angle we will often find that our initial reaction may not have been warranted and things are not as bad as they appear. Extremist views and extreme emotions are rarely justified and seldom serve in any situation.

What are your views? Where might they be extreme or unyielding? How does that affect your life and the lives of others? Now ask yourself: Does it serve me?