Training is Life

12 Step Jedi Purpose, Self Esteem, Service, Training, Uncategorized, Virtues

 

“Training to be a Jedi is not an easy challenge, and even if you succeed, it’s a hard life.” – Qui-Gon Jinn

Life is Suffering

Life is hard and so is recovery. Our daily practices, applying principles and proactively working on self improvement all take effort. Change was never meant to be easy. It can be damn hard. Sometimes it can take everything you have.

The Jedi had a training program which included years of Temple Study in Lore, Ethics, History and Diplomacy as well as physical and martial arts training. There were long hours of meditation and light saber combat. The Jedi student was assigned to a Jedi Knight who acted as mentor and teacher. The apprenticeship lasted as long as was required to satisfy the Jedi Council of the Jedi’s competency. There were also trials the Jedi student had to pass. Training continued for life and Jedi rose in rank as they demonstrated mastery and skill. The Jedi also realized that even after hundreds of years of dedicated training they had not learned everything there was to know.

In recovery there is no graduation day or total mastery where we claim a cure from alcoholism and the problems of life. We may be recovered and strong in our sobriety however we are not immune from life. We can never truly rarely say we are cured and then return to drinking assured that we will be able to drink normally. There is always doubt, we might relapse back in to alcoholism. We don’t know everything and we never will. There is always more to learn so even the wisest and most experienced old timer never stops learning. If one is wise he will not grow arrogant and drink again.

To claim “complete mastery” over any subject and announce that there is nothing more to learn is fool hardy at best, dangerous at worst.

The Best School in the World

I like to say that the only alma mater that matters is the “school of hard knocks”. After years of formal study and training in various professions my greatest life lessons have come out of the hard experiences in life. The let downs, the disappointments and rejections, the failures and falls. The Buddha said that life is comprised of 10 000 joys and 10 000 sorrows. We shed a torrent of tears in a life time. We all experience the suffering of life. The experience makes us smarter and stronger. We learn from our mistakes and our misfortunes. In doing so we grow.

Some of these times in our life truly sucked, they were hard and tough but we got through them and they made us a better person. An old Martial Arts instructor once told me that anyone can wear a black belt. They cost a few dollars but only the person who has poured heart and soul in to their training can claim any meaning to that milestone. Its not the belt, but the pain, suffering and perseverance that it represents which matters. The black belt takes years to earn through dedicated training and application but only a moment to lose through poor choices. The Sensei can take it away at anytime, it is a distinction not an entitlement.

You only get out of life what you put in. Hard work will always pay off in the end.

In the same way I view sobriety. My sobriety is a “daily reprieve contingent to the maintenance of my spiritual condition“. What exactly does that mean? To me it means I must work daily to ensure that I get through each day. My aim is to improve with every day, to rise each day a better person than I was yesterday. I do this through Training and practical application of what I have learned. I know that if I become complacent and drop the ball I may backslide, I can end up back in the hole I put myself in all those years ago.

Daily Practice

My daily routine is a simple one but it does take effort. The benefits cannot be understated. Very often what we most need is routine and a set of goals. The best way to set goals is to break them down. With simple and achievable targets that challenge you, you will progress. Over time you ratchet up the effort a little. Always start slow but be consistent and work to improve.

My daily routine comprises of practices I have adopted from the 12 Steps, the Jedi Path and the Stoics. Feel free to come up with your own program and stick to it for a while, then modify if required to suit your lifestyle, limitations and needs.

Morning

  • On rising, practice a short period of gratitude. Remind yourself of one or two things you have to be grateful for as you come in to this day.
  • Welcome the  day. A new day means new opportunity. Be thankful for it. Every morning I try to greet the sunrise in its splendor. Otherwise I take a quiet moment and imagine the sun coming up over the horizon. I take a moment to contemplate the grand scale of the cosmos and infinite time and to remember that I choose life.
  • Spend a minute as you get ready for work or your days activities to plan the day. Set in your mind or on paper three things you aim to achieve today.
  • Consider the things that may go wrong. Remind yourself that through the day you will encounter people who are rude and obstinate and your plans may get derailed. Resolve not to let them beat you down.
  • Do my daily Readings.

During the Day

  • Do one act of kindness every day to someone. It can be anything, random or predetermined; an offer of assistance or help to someone struggling with a load, giving up my seat on the bus, a simple courtesy such as opening the door. A smile or kind word or an act of charity.
  • Deny myself something nice or practice some form of denial to remind myself not to get too attached to comforts and ease. I practice periodic intermittent fasting on occasion. In addition to reminding myself that food is a precious resource not to be taken for granted I find that occasional fasting makes me feel better. I may decide to leave my jacket at home on a cold day. Run the occasional cold shower!
  • Take a moment to undertake negative visualization. Consider a realistic scenario that might occur which could ultimately change your life or at least make it unpleasant. This could include ill health, unemployment, poverty, ridicule or hate from others, betrayal by friends or colleagues. Imagine yourself dealing with the situation and overcoming it; see yourself practicing acceptance and equanimity.
  • Do at least 30 minutes of exercise or physical training (this can also be in the morning or evening). Remember to have rest days to avoid over training (Stretch / Yoga on off days).

Evening

  • Spend at least 20 minutes in meditation (this can also be during the day or in the morning).
  • Review the day, what went right, what went wrong and consider how I can improve.
  • Journal my thoughts.
  • Take some quiet time, relax.
  • Thank the Force for another day.

Redemption

12 Step Jedi 12 Steps, Amends, Forgiveness, Humility, Uncategorized

When Anakin had succumbed to his fears, anger and hate and fallen to the dark side the person that he was died. In his place rose Darth Vader, a dark shadow of his former self and a slave to the Dark Lord. In “Episode VI: The Return of the Jedi”, Darth Vader finally realizes who he truly is and finding the love for his son Luke, he turns on his Master, Darth Sidious. The redemption of Anakin was the final end of Darth Vader.

“I’ll not leave you now. I’ve got to save you.” – Luke Skywalker

“You already have.” – Anakin Skywalker

The Chains of Addiction

The fall of Anakin and the emergence of a twisted and tormented Darth Vader in the same body can be viewed as a metaphor for suffering and the slavery of addiction. How many people have we encountered in our lives who changed so utterly through addiction that they were barely recognizable? Family and friends no longer knew them and they no longer knew themselves.

The effects of drug and alcohol addiction carries an insidious toll on a person’s life and on their psyche. I became morally compromised and spiritually bankrupt through alcoholism though I did not see it at the time. The difference between who I had been and who I became was stark.

By destroying Darth Sidious and saving his son, the chains that had held Anakin in the form of Darth Vader finally came off. He  emerges from the dark place where he had been imprisoned and tortured for decades as a mere slave to fear, anger and hatred. As Anakin lies dying he atones for the past. He forgives and is forgiven and finds redemption at last. Anakin is set free and is reunited with the Force.

Inventory

Realizing the truth of who we are and what we have done through our alcoholism can be painful but it is also liberating. I remember one of the most emotional experiences I have ever had was completing my inventory in Step 4.  Admitting it to my Higher Power and sharing it with another in Step 5 was to finally free myself from the bondage of the past. I saw at last who I had been and the damage I had done to myself and others. There was another way and I could forgive myself and build a new life.

“Step 4: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.”

“Step 5: Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.”

After sharing my story I felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off. I was ready to change and I wanted to right the wrongs of the past. Filled with hope for the future I looked forward to making amends and claiming a sober life. The clouds parted and at last it felt as if a door had opened and I had passed through to a new dimension a free man.

Amends

Several years ago when I was still drinking I learned that my Father had passed away as a skid row drunk. He had been dry when I had last seen him 25 years earlier but we became estranged and I never spoke to him again. In time he became little more than a rumor. The news was that he moved around a lot and was back “on the sauce”.

Over the years I often wondered what I would say if we met again and whether I could forgive him. There had been anger for years for a miserable childhood. I  blamed my drinking and many of my troubles on him. There were so many faults I so despised in him that I had revealed in myself. Like Luke Skywalker I was in danger of falling to the Dark Side, like his Father and indeed in the end it had me.

When I learned that my Father had died my feelings were mixed. Part of me did not care, another part was sad and the last part was angry I had been robbed of an opportunity to tell him how he had ruined so many lives including my own. My reaction was to simply get drunk in response to the news. I was more like him than I dared admit.

Forgive

When I compiled my list of amends in Step 8 I placed my Father near the top of the list. The predicament of course was that he had died the previous year. I said a prayer and Forgave him and asked for forgiveness in return. With that I blessed his memory and made peace at last with a painful part of my life. Perhaps someday we will meet again on the other side of the veil where these things will no longer matter.

Forgiveness and making amends is one of the most powerful experiences that anyone in recovery can experience. The humility and compassion that we discover during the inventory and disclosure of our faults is further cultivated as we put aside resentment and pride and seek to atone for the past. We also begin to find redemption as Anakin did by seeking forgiveness and by forgiving others. Most of all we find the power to forgive ourselves and move on.

MTFBWY

Absolutes

12 Step Jedi 12 Steps, Sanity

“Only a Sith deals in absolutes” – Obi-wan Kenobi

When Obi-Wan Kenobi faced Anakin on the Planet Mustafa his friend and apprentice had fallen to the Dark Side. Obi-Wan Kenobi was dealing with a persona who had changed dramatically and who could not be reasoned with. Anakin had previously been a maverick, someone who bucked the system and stretched the rules.  He had been a Jedi who at times thumbed his nose at protocol and used intuition and initiative to get the job done however he was never uncompromising.

As Anakin fell to the Dark Side he became the complete opposite and accepted only an extreme and uncompromising view. There was no longer tolerance or a grey area but all the hard and narrow absolutism and narrow mindedness of a Sith, the sworn enemy of the Jedi. Darth Vader would only deal in absolutes, dogma, total submission, complete and blind obedience and the unquestioning acceptance of extreme ideology. The Absolutism of Power absolute.

“If you are not with me, then you are my enemy!” – Anakin

Human Nature

Life is not about absolutes. The very nature of the Universe reveals anything but an absolute system. Everything is evolving and changing in nature and change is the nature of things. Human nature as well is contrary to absolutism nobody is hard wired to resist change. If humans were that inflexible and resistant to change we would not have lasted as a species. It is through a willingness to accept change, to explore new things and to question accepted norms that we have been able to grow and evolve.

I had an absolute and inflexible approach to my disease for a long time. Despite the obvious physical, mental and spiritual harm that it had caused I ignored the signs and the warnings from others. I was convinced that I was right and resented anyone who challenged that assumption. My anger and hatred for those who suggested I had a problem only worsened as my life unraveled.

A type of moral absolutism also applied in other areas of my life. I was never one to accept a differing opinion. I was closed minded. Even if the opposing view seemed reasonable, pride would not let me relent in an argument and accept that I might be wrong. In Recovery too I may have dropped the denial but I became inflexible and “righteous” in other areas. I adopted the manners of a person who had gone “God Crazy”. My spiritual fervor did not extend to tolerance of others and I set standards on myself that were inflexible and childish. I was missing the point and thinking in extremes only created negativity and unhappiness. I was missing out on life by boxing myself in.

Sanity in all Areas

Sobriety means finding one’s sanity in all areas of life. That means putting prejudices aside and reconsidering strongly held beliefs and opinions. I had to surrender many assumptions and adopt an open mind if I was to remain sober. I had to start to relax and take it easy. Even now I catch myself getting caught up in issues and becoming highly passionate about them. I see the old Alcoholic tendency of over doing it coming out and I have to rein myself in. Passion is good, but when passion over takes objectivity and starts to dominate us, we are in dangerous territory.

“There is no Passion, There is Serenity” – The Jedi Code

Life is not completely black or white but millions of shades in between the two extremes. To take a hard line and extremist approach to anything means chaining yourself to that mindset and ignoring the endless opportunities that exist within the complexity of life. We can set ourselves principles and boundaries that give us more freedom without building walls around ourselves at the same time. For example, I am absolute in my abstinence and will not compromise on that however I do not enforce my standards on others. If someone has a problem with alcohol and seeks out my help, I am at their service but I will not preach or lecture. All I can do is offer advice. The Big Book does not offer absolutes and never said “Thou Shalt”, it made suggestions for recovery only.

“Our hope is that when this chip of a book is launched on the world tide of alcoholism, defeated drinkers will seize upon it, to follow its suggestions.” – The Big Book

Do question, challenge assumptions, avoid dogma, be open minded, get out of your comfort zone, be skeptical of Gurus. These are some of the things I have learned from the Steps and from walking the Jedi Path. I take what I need and I leave the rest.

The Middle Path

In the world today there is so much extremism. Whether it is religious, racial or nationalist in nature any form of extremism leads to tension, division and conflict. We only have to look and see how it is tearing the world apart. Within every person also resides a tension between opposing views and between our better nature and darker side. How we reconcile ourselves to the extremes in our lives and in our hearts is a personal choice.

The Stoics (like the Jedi) always sought the positive angle in every bad situation. Extremes in emotions were discouraged and avoided and the outcome was a deeper sense of serenity and acceptance in their lives. Gautama Buddha and Saint Francis of Assisi also lived to extremes of self deprivation and belief and found that it did not work so they taught their followers to walk a middle path to spiritual enlightenment.  To be Jedi is also to walk a middle path.

If we take a step back when things go awry and objectively consider every angle we will often find that our initial reaction may not have been warranted and things are not as bad as they appear. Extremist views and extreme emotions are rarely justified and seldom serve in any situation.

What are your views? Where might they be extreme or unyielding? How does that affect your life and the lives of others? Now ask yourself: Does it serve me?

Future

12 Step Jedi Control, Emotional Sobriety, Mindfulness, Perception, Uncategorized

“You cannot prevent what you cannot see coming. You can only do what you think is right at each moment as you live it. We can plan, hope, and dread the future. What we cannot do is know it.” – Qui-Gon Jinn

We spend a lot of time “time traveling”. We reflect on the past or project in to the Future playing out scenarios, ruminating or dreaming. Most of the time our minds are focused on getting to a destination in time, place or circumstance. Rather than living in the moment we focus our mind on plans and outcomes at some point in the future while not ruminating on the Past.

Unlike the past which cannot be altered or changed the future is not set. Every decision made every moment shifts the forward trajectory. We often marvel at the serendipity of events or their complete and utter chance and circumstance. The insignificant choices that you make, what you decide to do or say at any given moment can have an impact that carries on for years and decades. It can affect your life in innumerable ways and the lives of others too.

The daily decision to remain sober for example is a good example. I choose sobriety and in making that decision I influence the future. Not only my future but also those close to me and perhaps someone I have never met before. If I chose the opposite and took a drink I would set in motion a chain of events in consequence to that decision. I would likely get drunk, upset those close to me, fail in my duties and possibly, even, get in to a car and have an accident that cause the death or life time injury to another.  All of these things can flow from the decisions I choose. I have partial control over the future and therefore I have an inherent responsibility in the outcomes.

Power over the Future

I partially disagree with Qui-Gon Jinn on the first note “you cannot prevent”. It is true that things will happen that are completely out of our control. For example, the economy can turn sour and mass unemployment can directly impact on us. The Government can change policies which affect our ability to pay for Health Care or Education. A freak accident can occur on our way to work. Some things are completely out of our control, some things aren’t. I can still take action now that prepares me for the unforeseen. I still have a degree of control over how I choose to respond.

We can  prevent what we cannot see coming. We are not powerless in recovery or in life or anything. I may not have control over most things but I do have partial control over some things.

Where my own thoughts and conducts is concerned, I do have full control. I have control over my mind. In the event that I get drunk however I forfeit much of that control. Once I take a drink I lose my choices. I am no longer responsible or competent but tragically I still have an impact on the future.

Premeditatio malorum

One of the ways I deal with the “things I cannot change” is to practice the Stoic exercise of Premeditatio malorum* or negative visualization. Without slipping in to morbid contemplation I will visualize scenarios that “might occur”. For example I will entertain losing my job due to redundancy, getting in to arrears on my mortgage and losing my house. This of course leads to stress on my marriage which might culminate in separation and divorce. Rather than causing anxiety and panic for something that seems rather common today, I train myself mentally to accept the outcome in advance and continue to do my best in life.  I accept that it will suck and it will hurt and cause a lot of hardship but I also know that I’ve been through worse and things will turn out OK.

The exercise also reminds me to be grateful for my job, car, house, marriage and life. All of these things being transient and impermanent. They are still important at least to me, however I have to be prepared for the worst.

In my line of work we are constantly doing risk assessments. “”What If” scenarios are used to factor in unforeseen outcomes and hidden hazards. We cannot premeditate every thing but we take the time to think things through, develop a plan and add flexibility to account for surprises. We plan to succeed but we also prepare for failure. This is something that any one can apply in to their lives. Being sober is accepting that life is not going to be “happily forever after” all the time.

The Power of Now

We have the power through our own choices to affect our own lives and the lives of others. Powerlessness suggests the opposite and being recovered, being sober is being empowered.

“ I am powerfully recovered” – Anne Wayman ”Powerfully Recovered”

The best we can do is to live moment to moment in accordance with our principles. It is true that we cannot not know the Future. I personally don’t believe that a crystal ball or the morning paper horoscope reveals anything credible. I don’t use that to plan my day.

“We can plan, hope and dread the future”, but perhaps it is better to focus on how we can make a better future through the choices that we make in the present. You can make goals and plans and dream of a better future but action happens in the now. Get to work and adjust your sails when you need to as the winds of fate will change. Embrace that.

“Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.” – Buddha

*Further information on Negative Visualization can be found here

Vision

12 Step Jedi Perception, Training, Uncategorized

“Your eyes can deceive you.Don’t trust them” – Obi-Wan Kenobi “Episode 4: A New Hope”.

What do we perceive when we see with our eyes? Most people would say that what is seen is what exists. That our eyes do not deceive us. Vision is more than just the eyes.

The eye are only one of the five senses that help with orienting the body in space. The eyes project light emitted by “reality” as colors, depth and shapes to receptors in the retina. The receptors then convert the light signals in to electrical signals which are then conveyed to the part of the brain in the visual cortex where they are processed as images and interpreted by the brain.

The reality is that how We perceive something may be different between individuals. Pink and green will appear differently to different people. What I see may not appear the same to the next guy.

A time lag also exists between the moment an object is observed to the moment it is mentally processed and recognized. A bird taking flight from a branch will already have flown by the time we register it.

The stars are light years away. A star we see may in fact no longer exist. The event has not reached us yet. When we look at the Stars we are peering at the past.

Reality is an Illusion

Some scientists now suggest that reality only seems to exist because our consciousness perceives it. If consciousness did not exist then neither would the universe. If a tree falls in a forest but no one is there did it happen?

The nature of matter and energy is largely unknown. Quantum physics suggests that matter is essentially packets of energy at the fundamental sub particle level. That time and reality at that level is nonsensical and chaotic unlike the seeming order of the Universe at the cosmic level.

Physicists point out that at the atomic level resides a nucleus comprised of sub atomic particles that are essentially energy. Each nucleus is surrounded by a sphere of magnetic force in which moves electrons shifting in time and space. Matter therefore is energy which can be expressed in mathematical terms.

When I see something I am perceiving something that is not really there. When I touch something I am not really touching it, I am encountering the electrical tension of the atoms.

Use the Force

The lesson here is we should use our eyes but not to rely on them solely as a gauge of reality. Our eyes can deceive. We should make use  of all our faculties and our intuition to get a true picture.

Unlike the Fictional Jedi it is highly unlikely many of us have Force Powers that give us a heightened sense of perception. There is probably some people who posses “vision”, an ability to sense things that few of us can. Call it the third eye, sixth sense or transcendent awareness.

Scientists have postulated that our ancestors had a “third eye” at the partially dormant pineal gland. As civilization evolved and humans became separated from nature the faculty receded. Most people have some level of intuition and in children it can be quite high. Meditation, prayer and contemplation has been shown to enhance the parts of the brain involved in subconscious thought.

One thing I have noticed in recovery is a growing gradual awareness. I still need my eyes to see in front of me and to interact with my environment but the vision is deeper and sharper. With sobriety comes clarity and a heightened sense of awareness.  Reality begins to come in to sharper focus. We are no longer so easily misled by our eyes as we used to be. We are seeing with sober eyes.

Science

12 Step Jedi 12 Steps, Acceptance, Attachment, Ego, Surrender

“If no mistake have you made, yet losing you are … a different game you should play.” Yoda, “Shatterpoint”

Science is based on proposition and the testing of a hypothesis. Experimentation is used to arrive at a statistically significant determination that a hypothesis is correct or incorrect. The best Scientists will try to reject a hypothesis and disprove a theory rather than default to a bias. They will try to prove themselves wrong no matter how important their theory is to them.

There are two types of Scientist in my experience. The first is those that undertake research to arrive at the truth. They want to understand the world as it is without the influence of any bias. Unbiased Scientists test their theories and accept when they are wrong.

The other type of Scientist will invest personal bias in their theories and adjust or interpret results accordingly to arrive at a conclusion. Such Scientists rarely welcome debate or criticism of their findings. You will find them in the halls of academia guarding their beliefs jealously and deriding any idea that challenges theirs. They are inflexible and they stymie the growth of scientific endeavor and the open exchange of ideas.

Truth of the Matter

No matter how you try to change it, the truth remains the truth. If you conduct an experiment and everything you do is correct but the outcome is the opposite of what is expected then that is the truth. The truth is not what you would make it. We have to accept the truth in order to recover.

The definition of insanity is to do something over and over again with the same outcome and expect something different. After trying an experiment a number of times in the same way with no change in conditions or parameters one should arrive at the same result. There may be some variation but when you do the math the result is still significant.

“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results“: Albert Einstein.

Despite a background in Science I was never good at exercising Scientific method in my own life. I would try the same things over and over and expect the same outcome only to be proved wrong again and again. Of course this flies in the face of logic but then who every said that logic applies when it comes to Alcohol.

Let me list some of the experiments I tried to drink normally:

  1. Stick to Light Beer only: Failed
  2. Drink only when eating: Failed
  3. Add water to wine: Failed
  4. Stop at three drinks: Failed
  5. Pace Drinking, have one, wait an hour and have another: Failed
  6. Not drink at all at a Party: Failed
  7. Empty the house of alcohol: Failed
  8. Exercise more often, start a health kick: Failed
  9. Swear off: Failed
  10. Seek help from a Psychologist: Failed
  11. Isolate myself from alcohol and everyone else: Failed
  12. Accept my alcoholism and Surrender my addiction: Worked

Whatever works

Only the last method worked. I tried it once but unlike the others there was no need to go back to the experimental design and manipulate parameters and variables. My hypothesis “an active program of recovery based on spiritual principles leads to sustained abstinence” worked. It still does.

Everything else I was doing before that? There was nothing wrong with any of it. Under certain conditions they will work in some cases. For me, they didn’t so I had to take a radical depart and think outside the realm of normal science. I had to reject my bias and accept that in my case only a spiritual solution could work. I tried it and much to my surprise and delight it did work.

Yoda summed it up very well. Everything you are doing in your life might seem right; there may be nothing wrong with it. But is it working for you? Does it serve? Will making one change, doing one thing differently make all the difference in the world? Perhaps we should consider a different solution instead of being stuck in our own paradigm and rejecting the alternatives.

““There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments, and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance—that principle is contempt prior to investigation.” – Herbert Spencer

Be a Candle

12 Step Jedi Gratitude

“To be Jedi is to face the truth, and choose. Give off light, or darkness. Be a candle, or the night.” – Yoda, Dark Rendezvous

“We shall not go in to the night” – William Shakespeare “Henry V”

Every person shines their own light. The goodness within them, the eternal love that exists resides within like a flame. That inner flame is life, truth and redemption with who we truly are.

At times the light burns brightly and at other times it flickers. Some times the flame is buffeted by the winds of life but still it burns. It may be reduced to the tiniest of flames in our darkest times but it still burns waiting to be kindled with new Faith and Hope.

Recovery is also that flame. It is fed by the daily acts that we do to ensure our sobriety, our thoughts and our words. Evert choice we make either feeds or stifles that flame. As it burns brightly with our spiritual condition the shadow of addiction retreats. Our path forward is guided by that Light. We can share it with others.

To give up all hope and to lose all faith is to surrender to the darkness, to accept the final fall and to go in to the night.

Never give in to the Dark Side.

Who can forget Bill Pullman as the President in the movie “Independence Day”?

“The Fourth of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day when the world declared in one voice: We will not go quietly into the night!”

This was probably the most memorable moment in the movie. Against all odds the President rallies the nation and the world to fight. At that moment the story turns to hope and resolve. The flame burns bright and refuses to go out.

So it is with sobriety. Keep the flame alive, hold the light and share it.

Happy Independence Day

Not God

12 Step Jedi Emotional Sobriety, Force, God, Spirituality

“It’s against my programming to impersonate a deity.” – C-3PO, “Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi”

In the Star Wars fiction, computers were fitted with a safe guard that prevented them realizing singularity and attaining a God Complex. Imagine C-3PO with a God complex. Scary. Now imagine an alcoholic with one. Its as bad.

As a drunk I did not believe so much in God as I acted as if I was one. I had to be able to control people, places and things and I didn’t get my way I would get resentful and angry.

The God Problem

Many of my friends and associates are Atheists and very few, if any, are religious. Spirituality is not something that is openly discussed. The God topic is something to be avoided.

I was also unsure of where I stood with the whole “God” thing for many years. As a child I had rejected the notion of an all powerful Deity as suggested by my religious teachers in Catholic school. Quick to detect hypocrisy I rebelled and refused to attend Church or any of its ceremonies.

Along the way I adopted a sort of agnosticism that grudgingly conceded I may be right or I may be wrong about it. I kept the “reserve” card handy in my back pocket just in case. Sort of like an emergency hip flask in case I needed a shot of “God” when things really got bad. Seems most people only turn to God when they have no other options available.

Alcohol becomes a surrogate to God for many alcoholics. For other people it might be money, sex, work, ambition, power, family or nationalism. The one overwhelming and dominant factor in your life can become “God like”. Religion in its self is not “God” unless you happen to be religious. In that case your chosen religion becomes central to your life and value system and “God” becomes central to that. For me Ego and Booze was “God” over the years. If there was a redeeming God it certainly felt it had abandoned me.

Rationalizing HP

When I found my recovery I found a “Higher Power”. I knew intuitively that it was there, in me and everywhere. The problem was I could not define it or even conceptualize it. I spent a lot of time and effort trying to visualize and rationalize my “Higher Power”. The word, “God” did not sound right. I mean after all, wasn’t “God” the deity which had made me feel like a worthless sinner in Father Duffy’s Bible study class. Confused, I entered in to a period that swayed between elated Faith to stinging doubt and back again.

My mistake was trying to rationalize something that cannot be rationalized. I am a scientist after all. My background is critical inquiry. I ask questions and I investigate and in order to arrive at a judgement about a thing I seek evidence and where there is no conclusive evidence I experiment. Failing that I simply turn to Philosophy and think it through. You can’t “think” or “quantify” the spiritual through.

Obviously what was required was a complete departure from all previous concepts. I chose to cast aside all ideas and notions I had about “God”. Whether they had sprung up during my early recovery or were religious relics of my childhood I decided to let them all go. I decided to “Let Go and Let God” and just let things happen as they would. At last I stopped trying to run the show and control everything. I started to attain Emotional Sobriety.

The important thing is that I was accepting a spiritual basis in to my life. I didn’t need to do anything more than accept that willingly and have Faith. This is the true meaning of surrender.

Dodging God

The easy thing for many is to dodge the “Higher Power” aspect of the Steps. Many in the Jedi community I have come to know over the last three years also choose to either ignore the concept of the Force or avoid discussion about it. They feel that the Philosophy has no room for a spiritual aspect let alone some “hokey religion” called Jediism.

“Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid.” – Han Solo ‘Episode 4: A New Hope”.

Open Mind

No matter what your view is, most can agree that an individual’s spirituality is a personal choice. Some people choose a religion and lead a pious life, others are far more secular. Working among scientists I find that many are atheists, some are “moderate” in views and others are militant emulating Richard Dawkins. I would suggest that having an “open mind” is the hall mark of a Scientist and a Jedi.

“There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.”
– Hamlet (1.5.167-8)

If there is one lesson I have learned after the years in recovery it is I am not God. Yes I am a spiritual being having a human experience; I am an aspect of the Divine, a part of the whole. I believe that the Force is everywhere, it flows through this plane and the next and that I am part of it and shall reunite with it when I die. However I am not God.

Children

12 Step Jedi Emotional Sobriety, Humility, Principles, Serenity, Virtues

“Truly wonderful the mind of a child is.” – Yoda “Episode 2: Attack of the Clones”.

Do you remember what it was like to be a child? That sense of wonder at discovering new things, the fascination and joy. Everything seemed bigger and brighter and your senses were alive soaking up every experience. As we grew up something happened; the veil came down. We started to lose our innocent sense of wonder, acceptance and trust. As we entered in to our teens the world started to lose its magic and color. We no longer cared for the same things in the same way as we did when we were little. The Ego expanded and we started to see ourselves as apart from everything.

“Children are remarkable for their intelligence and ardour, for their curiosity, their intolerance of shames, the clarity and ruthlessness of their vision.” – Aldous Huxley

Losing my Childhood

When I was a kid I would escape in to my own world. In that place lived Obi-Wan Kenobi and Luke Skywalker. There was Han Solo, Princess Leia and Chewbacca.  Darth Vader was also there. Outside of my imagination there was all the misery of a childhood lost. The mind of a child is an amazing thing. Unlike adults they seem to be able to accept things more readily and handle life better.

For me the final death of my childhood was when I got drunk the first time and felt something within me expand. It was a feeling of power and independence. I could finally close the door on my childhood. It had been after all a miserable one. Here I was with my Army buddies in a bar, chest thumping and making bloody oaths. I was now a Man, at least in my own eyes. The veil slammed down and the fog drifted in.

Rip Van Winkle’s Sleep

Alcoholism is a twilight that exists between two phases in our life, the time before it and the time after it. During that time we are in a form of mental stasis. We do not seem to move forward in our emotional development. For me I stopped growing up in that seedy bar with my drunken and loud comrades by my side. Like Rip Van Winkle, I would only really wake up from my emotional and spiritual slumber 25 years later.

At that dark emotional and spiritual low point in our lives some of us call “Rock Bottom” I discovered something incredible. I found that the way out was to reclaim a child like sense of wonder and trust. Without even being aware of the 12 Steps I found my Higher Power in that place and felt within me the inner child stirred. It lifted me up and I came out of the pit renewed. The world looked…different. Everything was clean and fresh and new. I was seeing the world in a completely different way as if through the eyes of a child.

“Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.” – Matthew 18:2-4

Awaken the Inner Child

We adults must seem inflexible and obtuse to children at times. I can still hear my children imploring me to get dressed up as Pirate, Spider Man or a Fairy. They would be disappointed when I would refuse and delighted when I would drop my ridiculous sensibilities and play the part in their game. Those children are now teenagers and to them I am an old “Fart”now, barely worth a side ways glance. The veil came down for them some time ago. Kids these days grow fast or at least they seem to. Obviously I don’t get called upon to get “dressed up” any longer. They have grown and so have I.

Yet the inner child never dies. If you look within you will find it is still there. That sense of awe and wonder, a long forgotten innocence remains. There is forgiveness and boundless love that sweeps over you like a fresh morning breeze in the sun when you find your inner child. I think it is the inner divine or at least a facet of it. Seek it out often; try to remember what it was to be 7 years of age all over again. You will find joy and inner peace there.

“The pursuit of truth and beauty is a sphere of activity in which we are permitted to remain children all our lives.” – Albert Einstein

Photo Credit: United Press photographer Arthur Sasse in 1951

Teach

12 Step Jedi Uncategorized

“Always pass on what you have learned.” – Yoda

In the scene on Dagaboh in the “Episode 6: Return of the Jedi”, Yoda speaks to Luke Skywalker as he takes his final breaths. Teacher to Student he admonishes Luke to beware of the Dark Side, to avoid anger, fear and aggression. To not underestimate the power of Evil and to pass on to others what he has learned. Teach others.  In a few short phrases these words give Luke Skywalker the keys to redemption. Did Luke actually end up taking any of that sage advice? Did he Teach anyone?

In “Episode 7: The Force Awakens” we find Luke in the final scene on the Ocean Planet of Ahch-To face to face with the character Rey. I have no clues as to what happens next but my guess is the Luke will teach Rey how to be a Jedi in the next episode “The Last Jedi”. I’m sure he will not be thrilled about it but he will do as Yoda instructed. Luke Skywalker may at last pass on what he has learned.

“Teaching is a privilege” – Obi-wan Kenobi “The Clone Wars”.

My sense is that Luke like his father Anakin will be a hesitant teacher at the start but will soon warm to the task and become an excellent mentor to his Padawan. Teaching someone anything, in particular life skills is never easy. It can be frustrating and it takes a lot of patience. Look at parenting for example. Despite the hard work, the rewards are immeasurable.

 

A Privilege

Training, mentoring and contributing to the knowledge and personal development of a person is a privilege. I personally think Teachers in our society are underrated. They have the responsibility of teaching the future after all. Why is it that they seem to be undervalued when they hold such a precious position?

As a recovering alcoholic I also have a responsibility to share what I have learned for the benefit of others. I have learned from others and using that knowledge and experience I have recovered and grown. It is now my turn to pass that on to others and keep the flow going. It is a never ending cycle. By giving it away, we get to keep it.

“A river flows into the Dead Sea and stops. A river flows into a clear pool and flows out again. We get and then we give. If we do not give, we do not keep” – Anonymous, Twenty Four Hours a Day, December 13.

 

Pay if Forward

The Fictional Jedi were big on training and mentoring and dedicated immense resources and time to it. Every Jedi Knight was expected to share in the teaching of Younglings and Padawan’s. In this way the future of the order was guaranteed. In the real world there is no “brick and mortar” Temple where people go to learn to be Jedi. Most of the training is done online*. People invest their time and money to teaching complete strangers what they have learned on the Jedi Path and for no expectation of reward. The act of teaching and mentoring, seeing someone benefit and grow, is its own reward.

Step 12 is the service maintenance step. One of the ways in which service to others is rendered in AA is by “passing on what you have learned”. It is the only way the movement stays alive, by people passing on their personal story, their journey from despair to hope and recovery. They inspire and give hope to those that doubt and suffer. Some go further and sponsor fellow Alcoholics giving up their time and more. Others share and provide support in the rooms or online. These are small acts that make a difference in people’s lives; together they help to heal the world.

“Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs” – Step 12

Commit to one small act of teaching every day, a piece of wisdom that brings a smile or hope to someone. Aspire to impart your knowledge and experience to help another. Nothing is trivial. A few words may make all the difference in the life of another. It is a privilege and the Joy of Living.

“The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.” – Mahatma Gandhi

*You can read about the Online Jedi Community Here